AIBU to think my OH should be doing more?

[Lafoosa]

I've been unable to do much for the last few days because I have a severe urine infection and I've been in so much pain I can hardly walk. I only started on antibiotics yesterday after we had the paramedics over all morning because I had a really high fever.
My OH has been off work for the last 2 days to help me look after the kids but he's basically done nothing. The entire house is absolutely disgusting, the kids crushed and entire pack of crisps (one of the big ones) all over the landing and he's not hoovered. I can't even get the hoover up the stairs at the moment so I can't do it. Absolutely every room in the house only needed a quick 10 minute tidy up when I first got sick and now he's not touched anything so the whole house is going to need hours if tidying just to get it looking okay again. I've got 5 hours sleep in last 48 hours because he wanted a lie in despite me being sick so I had to give him one this morning. He's back at work today so I've got to figure out how to ignore the fact I'm in agony and beyond exhausted to try and get this house in order and look after both kids on my own all day and evening. I'm also 28 weeks pregnant and quite anemic at the moment too.

I'm so stressed out, the house is dreadful and whenever he's home from work and it's not sorted out he gets incredibly grumpy. I just wish he'd actually lifted a finger while he's been off so it wasn't such a huge job for me now. I feel so overwhelmed, how am I meant to sort it all with two toddlers while I can hardly move around?

So not only is he lazy he has the cheek to get grumpy with you when the house isn’t tidy enough for his liking when he gets home from work. He sounds awful. Why do you keep having kids with this jerk?

He has time of work to help you and he's treating it like a holiday. When my partner was ill I'd go downstairs, get him a nice drink, make breakfast. Tidy up. Kids can be a handful but this isn't right.

We can tell he obviously doesn't realise it but he's being uncaring and selfish.

What has he actually been doing?

@PinkSyCo

So not only is he lazy he has the cheek to get grumpy with you when the house isn’t tidy enough for his liking when he gets home from work. He sounds awful. Why do you keep having kids with this jerk?

Yeah, the 1950's called and want him back

You don't. When he gets home, you hand him the kids. Tell him to make the fucking tea and go back to bed.

so what did he say when you told him all that, asked why he had not tidied and even taken the vacuum to the crisps?

Is this behaviour a one-off for him or his general MO?

Suspect I already know the answer, mind you.

@KatharinaRosalie

so what did he say when you told him all that, asked why he had not tidied and even taken the vacuum to the crisps?

My question too

Stay in bed. Leave a list. He needs to get on with it.

Well I would do the bare minimum to look after the kids and keep them safe then when he gets home, tell him you need to go to bed and can he please sort out the mess he's made over the last few days once he's got the kids down for bed.

Has he always been like this? What was his answer when you mentioned the hoovering to him.

I would think you were my friend, who had exactly the same scenario happening to her. Husband took time off to look after children when she was ill. She emerged from bed to a house where husband had been sleeping on the sofa for 2 days, while unwashed children were running around in their PJs eating crisps. He thought she should be thankful. She divorced him.

He sounds great, keep having kids with him

Wow, he's a prince. Not.

He sounds like a knob
He’s not on your team at all
Why are you with him?

This behaviour would be a deal breaker for me, sorry. He's an arsehole who doesn't give a fuck about you or how you feel. He'd be out the door, once I'd made him clean the whole house from top to bottom.

He sounds like a lazy selfish useless prick. Honestly there’s no way I’d stay in a relationship with someone who showed such a disgusting lack of respect towards me. I’m sorry op I hope you feel better soon.

Why are there so many posts like this and then somewhere in the post the OP will mention they're pregnant. Wtf? Why keeping having kids when your partner's a lazy bastard?

He had to have his lie in even when you’re ill? Wtf am I reading?!

I would be telling him in no uncertain terms to get his shit together when he gets back. When has he ever seen this happening if he's been ill? You are sick and pregnant. He should be doing everything! Is he usually such a waste of space?

Did you lie there and fume or ask him to do a couple of things, list them out and explain how much it will help you/appreciate it etc.

Some men are bloody daft and just don’t think to do it but will act upon requests.

Us sitting there fuming but not saying anything to them doesn’t magically get stuff done.

Don’t sort it. Rest. Tell him now you are leaving the mess for him tomorrow night, say I’m sure you’re expecting that since if you can’t get around to it in two days home as a healthy adult you must know I won’t be able to do it tomorrow while pregnant and still unwell.

if you can’t get around to it in two days home as a healthy adult you must know I won’t be able to do it tomorrow while pregnant and still unwell.

This. Word for word.