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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect my child’s dad to pick him up from school in taxi

32 replies

Wfhquery · 26/01/2022 07:10

Asd child at special school 10 miles away not on any public transport links that wouldn’t involve about a 4 hour round trip. I drop off dh picks up. Dh has bad back since Monday and can’t drive. My mum is a nervous driver but she took dh yesterday to pick up as she doesn’t know the way. She can’t pick up today as something else on. We have no one else to ask. I said I’d have to take half day if not up to driving but realised I can’t due to important meeting. I’ve told him he’ll have to book a taxi, it will be about £40 or £50 as will be two journeys as can’t put child on their own in taxi. I’ve said I’ll pay for taxi. Dh not happy wants me to take half day, I’ve just had time off with child having covid so feel that I can’t as well as not wanting to waste holidays as I need them to cover school holidays

OP posts:
Mumofsend · 26/01/2022 07:14

Why are the local authority not providing transport? If its the nearest school that can meet his needs then they should be.

Sirzy · 26/01/2022 07:16

It sounds like it’s probably the only solution for today.

But the plan doesn’t sound very sustainable long term for the distance. He should be entitled to transport to and from school via the local authority for that distance.

anniewaitsforacall · 26/01/2022 07:17

YANBU as a one off rather than you missing important work meeting. But at that cost I would probably tell DH the choice was to do that or for him to keep DC home for the day and provide activities. Longer term question, does the local authority not provide transport for you? Our DD attends a special school a similar distance away and gets a daily taxi each way with another pupil. It makes our lives and work so much easier and I am so grateful for it.

Flatandhappy · 26/01/2022 07:18

At the risk of sounding harsh it is totally up to your DH to sort this so he should be very grateful you are willing to pay for the taxis.

IzzyD0ra · 26/01/2022 07:18

YANBU.

3WildOnes · 26/01/2022 07:20

Why would you pay? This should come out of general family money.
I think this is fine for a one off but you can’t spend £50 a day on taxis. What is your plan for tomorrow and the next day?

arethereanyleftatall · 26/01/2022 07:22

Yanbu.
Seems like the only and absolutely obvious common sense solution.

lovemelongtime · 26/01/2022 07:23

Unless you don't live together why do you have to pay? A child expenses are joint surely. Of course as a one off the taxi is the best option.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/01/2022 07:25

I think if his back is so bad that it's making it impossible for him to drive, then I'd have a bit of sympathy for him here.

If neither parent can make the pick up then a taxi is booked and paid for from the family money. It's not like he is choosing not to be able to collect his son.

As an aside, you should definetly be able to get some sort of school transport.

Bagelsandbrie · 26/01/2022 07:31

@Mumofsend

Why are the local authority not providing transport? If its the nearest school that can meet his needs then they should be.
This.

I know it isn’t the point of the thread but the LA should provide a taxi if the school is named on the ehcp- which I’m assuming it is as most special schools require an ehcp…?

My son is 9 and his specialist school is 23 miles away (we live rurally) and he gets a taxi with an escort there and back via the LA.

Original poster
Wfhquery · 26/01/2022 07:31

@Mumofsend

Why are the local authority not providing transport? If its the nearest school that can meet his needs then they should be.
We decided to go for the transport budget option which pays mileage, it generally works out really well except situations such as today. Seeing the issues other parents have with taxis I still think it’s the right long term option for us to use. Ds had a lot of issues at previous schools and is getting on well here and part of the decision for me taking him is do he gets to school calm
OP posts:
Original poster
Wfhquery · 26/01/2022 07:32

@Flatandhappy

At the risk of sounding harsh it is totally up to your DH to sort this so he should be very grateful you are willing to pay for the taxis.
That’s what I think, its always left to me to sort stuff out and I usually do but I can’t this one time
OP posts:
Original poster
Wfhquery · 26/01/2022 07:41

Just to explain we do get mileage for taking ds to school which works out to about £10 a trip and that option works well most of time. Our la taxis are variable and they renew contracts every year and ds’s friends parents have had issues with things like kids being left behind at school, not picked up etc and ds can have behavioural issues so I’d have added worry and stress of him being in taxi and the way some drivers react, there are some horror stories out there. Ds get dla which comes to me so I think dla is for things like this which is why I don’t mind paying. Dh is now saying he thinks he’ll be ok to drive and won’t book a taxi just in case. I’ve said they is no point in ringing me half an hour before pick up as I can’t do it.

OP posts:
Shitfuckcommaetc · 26/01/2022 07:43

I'd probably just let him have the day off to stay at home with dad

DreamingofTimbuktu · 26/01/2022 07:56

Turn your phone off when you go into your meeting, so if your DH suddenly decides he can’t drive after all it’s his problem not yours.

Justkeeppedaling · 26/01/2022 07:57

To be fair, a bad back is not nice. I was off for 5 weeks with a bad back a few years ago, and probably wouldn't have been up to collecting DC from school for most of that time.
Is there really no- one who can help?

arethereanyleftatall · 26/01/2022 07:59

Leave this completely with your dh now op. Try not to get involved any more. You've told him you can't. You've offered a solution. Try to ignore any more chat about it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/01/2022 08:00

As you get £10 a trip, you’re quids in to pay for such eventualities. Your dh is being ridiculous.

Didiplanthis · 26/01/2022 08:09

Definitely NBU... my DS has ASD . He is in mainstream but no way would he go in a taxi on his own either as a one off or a regular arrangement through the LA. The fall out would be horrific. And we have no one else who can help us either no fit and able family closer than 4 hours away, and friends ( few... SEND families often find 'friends' disappear in search of 'easier' company) have their own children/jobs to sort.. I broke my arm and was dependant on 2 way taxis for several weeks.

DePfeffoff · 26/01/2022 08:09

@Justkeeppedaling

To be fair, a bad back is not nice. I was off for 5 weeks with a bad back a few years ago, and probably wouldn't have been up to collecting DC from school for most of that time. Is there really no- one who can help?
OP's not expecting him to drive, she's offered to pay for a taxi.
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 26/01/2022 08:11

@DePfeffoff sitting in a car when you have a bad back can be incredibly painful.

When I've been off work with a bad back in the past there's no way I could have sat in a car for any amount of time without being in real pain.

OP I can see why he's reluctant but it's not on you to find the solution. If he can't do it he can ask a friend or relative to help, or see if the school can organise a taxi as a one-off.

Justkeeppedaling · 26/01/2022 08:13

OP's not expecting him to drive, she's offered to pay for a taxi

Same thing - still sitting in a car for quite a long time.

Porcupineintherough · 26/01/2022 08:20

Depends on how bad his back is tbh. If it's in spasm, what you are suggesting will be agony and will make it worse.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/01/2022 08:23

I think if the LEA pays £20 per day / £100 per week for travel costs, then dropping £40 for a taxi on one day is a simple fix.

girlmom21 · 26/01/2022 08:28

@Justkeeppedaling

OP's not expecting him to drive, she's offered to pay for a taxi

Same thing - still sitting in a car for quite a long time.

Which he did with her mom yesterday Hmm

If you're getting £10 a day OP you're laughing - you can easily pay for the taxi. Tell him the options are he finds a magic cure or he gets the taxi.

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