What is the best way to deal with this rejection?

[GoldGlitterEyeshadow]

My mum used to treat me badly when I was a child. She said I was supposed to be terminated (aborted) and that she wished I had been. She said she hates me and I’ve done nothing but ruin her life. She said I’m ugly and horrible and I never do anything right. I spent a long time as a child wondering what was so wrong with me, until I grew up and realised she was the problem, not me. I remember once when she was drunk, she vomited all over the floor and shouted at me the next day as I hadn’t cleaned it up properly (I cleaned it using soapy water and ended up staining the carpet) but I was a child and trying my best to help.

The worst part was she made me think she loved me because sometimes she was really nice to me, which just meant that whenever she was mean I thought she was just telling the truth, because she was my mum and she loved me and if she said it then it must be right. It felt like a horrible mind game.

When I called her out on the way she treated me when I was younger, she said I’m a horrible person and there’s something wrong with me in the head and that it’s not normal to bring up things like this after so many years. We no longer have any contact and I’m never going to speak to her again.

How do you deal with being rejected by a parent? I’ve finally accepted she doesn’t like me and I don’t want any sort of contact ever again. I hadn’t lived with her for a while anyway so cutting off contact was easy, and she hasn’t tried to contact me once and I know she’s happy with having nothing more to do with me…but it’s so hard to accept that my mum just doesn’t love me. I’m in my twenties so I don’t ‘need’ a mum in my life, but it hurts that the mum I have hates me this much.

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with being rejected by a parent? No matter how rejected I feel, I will never go back to contacting her again as I never want to see her again. But I feel so disappointed it’s even had to come to this at all I keep thinking of all the nice memories we did have where she was being nice to me and it’s hard not to get upset by it, I don’t understand why she couldn’t have always been nice me and why she ever had to be so horrible

I don't have much but a hand hold until someone with more experience comes along but I can boost your thread with my comment
Xx

You sound level headed and lovely.. I'd suggest your life would be at worst the same and at best better with out her in it xx

I’ve finally accepted she doesn’t like me

I had to highlight that part because it's categorically not true. Your mother acts this way because she doesn't like herself.

I'm so sorry. You don't have the mother you deserve, and never have. I think you should go no contact and get whatever help you need to begin healing from this.

My love, you need heavy grade therapy with a therapist you know and trust. Your mother has treated you abominably, I am so sorry. This isnt the sort of abuse you can recover from on your own.

As for why your mum was the way she was - because she is a seriously damaged human being. But that's not your fault and you deserved better.

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm really not sure what to say, and hopefully someone will come on with some good advice. No child should have to deal with the mood my swings, dependency and deceit of a drunk parent, let alone clear up their vomit.
I expect your mum does love you though, but she sounds like she might be quite a poorly lady? Xx
I

I'm going to suggest that therapy is the best way forward. Being rejected by your mother is horrible, I'm very sorry.

Oh you poor poor love, I feel like I want to wrap my arms around you and mother you myself. You sound remarkably lovely and smart considering the terrible and emotionally damaging upbringing you had. I totally agree with the PP about trying to get some therapy, you need help to understand that your mother is a cruel woman who never deserved you - you should have been loved and appreciated and told every day how special you are. Some people are not cut out to be parents and your mum is one of them. I can only imagine that she had similar experience from her own parents, otherwise she clearly has some psychological issues verging on Psychopathy / narcissism. None of which is, or ever was, your fault.
I wish you good luck OP and hope you get to experience unconditional love in your life, you deserve it 💐

I am sorry your mum is a cruel woman OP and Allinadayswork80 what a kind thoughtful and warm message you have written.

Reading in bed and can't see too well but wanted to send op I hope you get some good advice, you sound lovely and I just want you to know this is all about your mum's failings and nothing whatsoever to do with yours

That was a very tough life, I've no words only to echo that you should access some therapy.

I'm so so sorry this happened to you.