to not have a group of friends?

[polkadotty2]

Not really an AIBU but just wondering if anyone else (professional) has found themselves without a group of friends? and any advice on what I could do?

I have never had trouble socialising/making friends. My childhood was spent across several countries so don't have friends from nursery/infant school age like DH. DH has a solid group of friends from a young age which I have been absorbed into.

I had plenty of friends in school, one main friendship group that we did a girls holiday with after finishing at 18. Went to uni almost 500 miles away, which caused some friendships to dwindle, only stayed in touch with a few from school. Again had an active social life at uni and now that im in my 30s, only in touch with one or two from uni days. I have moved a lot with work, up until the pandemic never had problems with maintaining a decent social life. Even met DH along the way.

I have only really retained 1-on-1 friendships with people from different walks of life who don't know each other (eg school friend, uni friend, friend from first job, etc) so interact with and meet them separately and quite frankly, rarely.

In my current job, I have noticed colleagues are always going out in the evenings meeting different friends for meals/drinks etc. I usually just go home to DH. This lack of friendship group is only really bothering me now since the pandemic. I think all of my "1-on-1" friends have friends of their own that they see more frequently and perhaps are in as part of a group. In my current city, I don't really have friends outside of colleagues and now no longer a student/new professional when it was easy to socialise/meet with new people, always dating etc.

I realise this all sounds rather depressing, WWYD?

@BrainFoggerty Im sorry to hear this it’s so frustrating esp when you’ve tried so much! I remember joining a baby club, attended 1st session, missed the second as my mum had died came to the third and at the end they were discussing finalising plans to all meet up I felt so awkward and left out! I just thought any decent kind people would have said sorry you missed class last wk but we’ve arranged this would you like to come? But no, I had said hello, tried to join in etc but for some bizarre reason I was ousted, begrudgingly came to the next session to feel even more left out and never returned, still baffles me now. From what I can tell most with large groups are friends kept from school or uni. My group from school was smaller 2 person friendships that all slotted together but college and work split everyone up and those are maintained mostly one on ones now. My university and college groups were fairly small and only with a few women so again no chance to make a group but made a very close friendships with 2 people from college but since all drifted due to differnt routes taken in life. Work I do office work, taking isn’t really acceptable so boring and such a mixed bag I mostly drawn to the older women who are lovely but aren’t really in to going out much whjch is a shame and the younger ones are either in their own groups outside of work or club with certain ones as suits their stage in life more. Yet to meet a mum parent at work similar to me. Just so hard as just not met hardly anyone since I left school! I setup a local estate parenting group when had my daughter, tried to get people together was impossible, got 50 followers not huge amount thouhh ended up closing it as no one made effort to interact! Jjsy feel so unlucky yet at school
i had tons of friends abs loved it!!

Why not invite one of your colleagues for a meal. I do have a group of old school friends but live 250 miles away so see them every 2-3 months when I visit my family. I tend to go for meals with ex colleagues who have moved on so we can stay in touch. I’ve also met some local friends through my dog, really good friends which was unexpected. Try some social things after work, exercise classes, a hobby, get yourself out there and see what happens

Like AlternativePerspective says, many of my friendships started with school mums. But unlike her, the friendships didn't end at teens, infact they got stronger. And I have mum friends who have a variety of kids ages, many older kids than me, or quite a bit younger, and we are still friends, after 10 or 15 years.

Heyyy, I think the issue is work tbh, I am 37 but was same as you in my late 20s! I was so busy working and trying to get financially stable as we had to due to lack of family financial support to be able to afford a family we had to work hard and found by the evening we were pooped and as we had eachother we fell in to a routine of working hard all day coming home a bit later, doing tea and sitting down around 8! Due to lack of people there I could socialise with and school friends moving on to new places and also Facebook wasn’t huge when I was late 20s life jjsy ended up like this. We spent time on our new home trying to make improvements to finally be able to afford to move to a larger home to start a family whjch we did when I was 31 and had our daughter at 34. It’s so circumstantial I think and I think when the large majority of your life focus’s around work it leaves very little time for easy time to fill in social things. I have since gone part time to try and build a social life as I got massively down having my daughter and this is something to consider you will need someone to talk to just one is enough that’s all I had but I’ve slowly starting to resurrect some friends of similar stages in life and see each every 3-4 wks but I still don’t have a group I think the group either takes a lot of time to develop like through school and it’s perhaps a need we have from being younger meaning when we get more independent we just naturally fall in to our own things we need or want to do at the time and we made those decisions ag the time for good reason but you don’t see the group things passing but would you if you looked back have been able to have formed one anyone I think for me the answer is no as everyone due to circumstance just had to move in their own direction. I know two people with large groups they’re both maintained from school but neither have managed to make many if none at all new friends to join it’s the same people perhaps you’d say that’s limited them making new friends but is what it is perhaps they like we were put their energy there but perhaps years later will see they missed making new friends along the way and like us later in life look bk and think omg I didn’t see that coming. It takes time also to form bonds it can take a couple of yrs some people just click and think it’s easier if your an extrovert too so it’s not so simple for everyone so we shouldn’t feel so bad on ourselves but I totally get how you feel!! Jjst try to fig out those people who you have something in common with that you feel yourself with and maintain and try to resurrect them and it’s good to do this now before children also as I had to do it all from then on whjch was difficult to say the least. But 3 yrs on I’m slowly getting some regular friends I talk to and live in hope to make a few more. It’s handy if your lucky to make a good mate with someone also whose already got a group as you could be adopted by them, not had this happen to me yet but it may do in time. X x x x