Disagreement re medical approach

[BabyBattles]

I’d been a MN user for a while but deleted my account after the fuckers at the Daily Mail printed a post of mine which was very outing. I’ve therefore stayed away but I just need someone to rant to / tell me I’m right angry / tell me I’m being unreasonable if indeed I am, which I might be, so I’m back.

We have a 10 month old. A few months ago he was seriously unwell with bronchiolitis and had to be admitted into hospital for it. The day he got ill he got gradually worse until we finally called 111, but DH kept telling me DS is fine, just a bad cold, and so I kept dismissing my concerns as first time mother paranoia. To this day DH thinks DS wasn’t seriously ill and it was an over invested nurse that led to DS being put on oxygen and fed through a tube (the paediatric nurse that night was amazing and was so concerned about DS that she kept getting the doctors to come and check on him). He also thinks DS was fed through a tube because he wasn’t eating much, even though I’ve explained a few times it was part of the treatment (save his energy for breathing and avoid over filling his stomach).

Now, DS has a cold. Two nights ago his chest was retracting again and we agreed we shouldn’t take him to the hospital. I knew we should because it’s a red flag, but because he wasn’t as ill as last time, I thought we just need to keep a close eye on him. I understand now that was the wrong approach but my bar for medical attention was really high after he became so seriously unwell. DH was of the same view, partly because DS was eating and drinking, and was very much on the side of hospital shouldn’t even be a consideration.

I tried to get hold of the GP yesterday and she called me late last night to tell me to take him to A&E or call 111. We called 111 and they sent out an ambulance because of his retractions (did tell them we can drive him but they strongly insisted). Got taken to hospital and DH kept moaning we shouldn’t be there, it’s a waste of ambulance time, etc etc. In the end, the chest retractions eased, his obs were fine and at 2am it was going to be another 5 hours at least before we could see a doctor so we decided to go home and see the GP in the morning instead. Tbh I would have waited it out if I was on my own but DH constantly complaining made me more and more impatient with the wait.

We saw the GP today without DH. She prescribed an inhaler and gave me very strict and clear instructions on how it was to be use (several puffs every 4 hours, back to hospital if the retractions haven’t eased). We gave it to DS at home, and then DH read the pamphlet with the inhaler which showed we were giving much more than the maximum daily dosage. DH was therefore convinced I must be wrong, I must have misheard the doctor. We can’t give anymore today as what I said can’t be right. Am I sure? How sure am I? What exactly did the doctor say?

That for me was when I finally got annoyed. I asked if I should call the GP and he said I should, which I happily tried to show him he’s wrong but they were closed. I told him simple google of what DS has shows that several puffs of an inhaler every few hours is indeed the treatment. DH saw I was annoyed and made a point that if he thinks something isn’t right he will challenge it, especially if it concerns DS.

I got really upset and told him to stop doubting me, how dare he think I would poison my child and take risks with his health, and stop questioning and doubting everything I say. I also said that if he’s going to happily challenge me then I’m going to stop taking his lead on any medical concerns for DS and do what I think is right.

There’s now that awkward silence between us.

Was I reasonable or unreasonable to get so annoyed at DH over this? Do I need to be more understanding in DH’s position or does he need to have more faith in me?

Sorry for the essay.

*moaning

Did you have to pick up the prescription from a pharmacist. It’s the pharmacist’s job to sense-check the dosage. They pick up dr’s typos and will call the dr to clarify unusual or unusually high doses of medicines. Tell Dh that the Dr and the Pharmacist both checked the prescription. Also if you can’t get hold of the hp quickly tomorrow and DH wants to double check that dosage, a pharmacist will be able to tell you if it’s a usual dosage for your son’s age and diagnosis. Get DH to call or go in to a pharmacy and ask if he should be worried that the dose on the leaflet is mower than the dose the dr prescribed.

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

To this day DH thinks DS wasn’t seriously ill

He also thinks DS was fed through a tube because he wasn’t eating much

but they strongly insisted). Got taken to hospital and DH kept moaning we shouldn’t be there

Four choices here (more than one option may apply):

1. Your DH is a fucking idiot.
2. Your Dh has secretly taken a medical degree and knows more than healthcare professionals.
3. He doesn't give a shit about your son.
4. He just needs to be 'right' about everything.

Bronchiolitis is a very serious illness in babies. It can kill. And it is not to be confused with bronchitis, which perhaps he did.

Stick to your guns. Keep using the inhaler as the GP prescribed. If in doubt, call GP tomorrow. Actually, don't. Get your DH to do so. I hope she reads him the riot act.

I hope DS gets better soon.

This.

And I would absolutely insist he phone the doctor tomorrow on speaker phone and check the dose.

What a prick.

I’m a GP, who also has a small one who had viral induced wheeze… the weaning course of salbutamol sounds about right- we usually started with 10 puffs every 2-4 hours and weaned over a few days…

www.uhcw.nhs.uk/download/clientfiles/files/Patient%20Information%20Leaflets/Women%20and%20Children_s/Paediatrics/117826_Salbutamol_reducing_regime_%28Parent_Carer%29_-_%282031%29_June_2018.pdf

www.ruh.nhs.uk/patients/patients_leaflets/paediatrics/Viral_induced_wheeze.pdf

Hopefully these leaflets will show that this is a standard reducing regime, and make you feel more confident to do what you’ve been told!

Hopefully it will settle down quickly and that you’ll get some sleep!

Sorry, this wasn’t quite as supportive as I had hoped when I read it back…

Should read something more like: “Hopefully these leaflets will reassure you that the reducing regimes for salbutamol can be higher than those shown in the leaflet, and are used often. The important thing is that if things don’t improve or you are worried you call 111/999 or head to children’s emergency department. I hope they help you feel more confident to follow the advice of your GP!”

Is he the type that see's every ailment or issue DC have as a reflection on his strength as a "protector"?. I know a man like this who had some seriously toxic ideas and seemed to see any health issue with his DC as a threat to his standing as a man. I don't understand it atall but please don't let him set a tone. Trust your mother's instinct and go with that at all times. He'll need to get with the programme and start accepting when appropriate others take control and their advice takes precedent.

Men don't have a maternal instinct and will place their egos central stage. Under these circumstances they're best ignored. They're just a nuisance when they begin mansplaining illness.

The dose of salbutamol via inhaler generally is the same no matter the age, my son is asthmatic and I’m a paeds nurse. He takes continuous 10 puffs if he is poorly usually whilst waiting on ambulance or in a&e prior to nebulisers then continuous salbutamol Nebs then hourly it can make him a bit jittery but he’s had this since he was tiny and colds set him off a lot! The information you were given clearly wasn’t particularly clear or understandable so caused confusion, Asthma uk has really good info about ventolin inhalers and how to give. Usually multi dosing (ten puffs) starts at ten puffs four hourly (at home if they are needing if more then need to be seen) then reduce to 5 then as needed.

As for hospital if you’re worried then we are happy to see babies and children. Especially given he’s been so poorly often they can get worse before they get better or relapse after a few days with bronchiolitis, it’s a horrible bug and I’ve nursed hundreds of very poorly babies with it over 20 years of nursing. I’d rather a worried parent get their baby checked than wait and have a baby needing intubated. With my son and his breathing I don’t take any chances he gets seen and I’m reassured and they are happy to do it, he’s been hospitalised a few times quite poorly.

@LIZS

Does the prescription not give directions for the dose?

They don’t tend to on inhalers as we have different doses for different levels of attack.

You can’t actually over dose on a salbutamol inhaler, the most you will get is an increased heart rate and shakes.

A nebuliser which is used in hospitals to treat as asthma attack is basically an inhaler at a much much stronger dose.

I think you need to lower you bar again in terms of what you view as a serious problem and worthy of seeing a GP/A&E. Children under five can go downhill really fast and doctors would rather discharge a healthy charge than have to bring a very ill one back from the brink. I’m not saying head to the doctor for every sniffle but breathing problems, a 10 month old baby needs to be seen quickly.

I think you and your husband ABU to be honest. Your baby needs you to advocate for him, so if there’s a next time, just wait it out in A&E until you know he’s well.

*Discharge a healthy child

Perhaps your dh is just one of those people who take the attitude it'll be alright, no big deal which is fine when you're dealing with a consenting adult but not with a precious and vulnerable child. My daughter had bronchiolitis twice as a baby and it's definitely had some longer term implications for her in that she's very prone to chest infections.
I agree with the poster who questions why you defer to him especially when he's been proven wrong in the past.

Ohhhh I'd of wiped the fucking floor with him!! Your H is a fucking twat.

Clearly in the very slim minority here, but if the package says two puff and you've been told 8 puffs at a time, I can absolutely understand why your DH would be questioning this! I would too if my DH came home and said the doctor said that, as it does seem a lot!
In this particular instance I don't think either side is being unreasonable.

I always say with babies, trust your instincts every time. You know your child better than anyone - yes, even him and you know when something isn't right. Sick babies' conditions can change and deteriorate very quickly and you would never forgive yourself if something even more serious happened because of a delay in seeking medical help. Taking a baby who's wheezing and struggling to breathe to hospital is never an overreaction.

@DropYourSword

Clearly in the very slim minority here, but if the package says two puff and you've been told 8 puffs at a time, I can absolutely understand why your DH would be questioning this! I would too if my DH came home and said the doctor said that, as it does seem a lot! In this particular instance I don't think either side is being unreasonable.

Would you not consider googling it before insisting that your child wasn't given any more of the medication that your partner was told the dosage for? Would you continually question your partner instead of even a cursory bit of research? There are plenty of sites that refer to administering up to 10 puffs and discussing the negligible side-effects of 'overdosing'.

Given the OP's husband's history of under-reacting, this is simply another way of him trying to minimise their child's symptoms and undermine the OP's legitimate concerns.