DH relationship with younger woman

[sunny68]

Ok, first time poster please be kind.

My DH has lots of female friendships including with some of my own friends. Never bothered me before.

But there is this one friendship that's really making me feel uncomfortable. I told one of my best friends about how I felt but she's single and couldn't relate so I feel the need to get wider opinion.

To give you some of the back story, the friendship started with the woman's mother but she moved and the daughter just continued to be friends with DH. He really treats her like his equal in every sense including the kind of information they share. For example about relationships, and boyfriends who sent her naked pictures etc... given she's 20 years his junior I find the friendship really uncomfortable. And somehow inappropriate.

I really can't articulate it and I am happy to answer questions. I don't have any evidence of wrong doing but when she comes to visit us, she hardly speaks to me and they tend to do things together like going for a walk, outdoor sports or just running errands etc.

We also have property in the city she lives and he suggested we rent it out to her so that it's in the hands of someone we know and trust. But I want to keep a room for us to go and take advantage of the city life when we want to etc but that means we would have to stay with her. I just feel really uncomfortable about that.

I feel that DH has a blind spot and thinks she's a teenager but she's 25!

So AIBU to have those thoughts with no evidence? Or is this my gut telling me I should be wary of this friendship?

Thanks!

Listen to your gut.

It is a relationship that you aren't comfortable with so it is crossing a line. Assert your boundaries.

Very tricky. I can see why you are concerned. It's possible that you are over worrying but on the other hand who knows. You haven't really said how you guys are together so I would be considering how solid your relationship is. Has the spark gone? Does he show you his affection and how much he loves you.

If it's dwindled since she came a long then that could but not definately be a cause for concern.

Either way I wouldn't rent it to her because if she looses her job or decides not to pay what recourse do you have?

Listen to your gut have a honest conversation with your partner. If they are anything other than supportive or understanding then I would be concerned.

My take on this is that your DH has lots of female friends that you haven’t had an issue with - but you have with this one.
She has no interest in being friendly with you as she hardly speaks to you.
Presumably the outdoor sports they do together are things you’re not interested in doing but red flags for me would be the going for walks together and ‘just running errands’ together - she’s eating into your companion time with your DH.
My other thought is about the flat in town - how far is it from where you live?
Would it be likely your DH would need to pop over to ‘sort things out’, bits of DIY etc - huge red flags.

@Rocktheboat56

Very tricky. I can see why you are concerned. It's possible that you are over worrying but on the other hand who knows. You haven't really said how you guys are together so I would be considering how solid your relationship is. Has the spark gone? Does he show you his affection and how much he loves you.

If it's dwindled since she came a long then that could but not definately be a cause for concern.

Either way I wouldn't rent it to her because if she looses her job or decides not to pay what recourse do you have?

Listen to your gut have a honest conversation with your partner. If they are anything other than supportive or understanding then I would be concerned.

Thank you. We are married. The spark can do a bit of work as we are new parents.

The issue with the property is that yes what if she can't pay for any reason, it gets messy. But also we would like to stay overnight from time to time for work and social reasons at the property hence why we want to partially rent. But I don't feel comfortable again with DH having to possibly stay there overnight by himself with her in the other room. Does that make sense? Am I over reacting?

Have you had a name change fail?

All things being equal I always encourage women to go with their gut. Who actually runs errands with another person?

All that said, if you do talk to him about it and you have nothing but a 'bad feeling' beware being written off as being 'crazy'.

@Thoranddrjones actually I don't see where you said that. I see where the OP said that, but not you.

Weren't you single a few days ago? "Being single myself" and all: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4460499-would-your-husban-s-friendship-with-a-younger-woman-bother-you

@VladmirsPoutine

Have you had a name change fail?

All things being equal I always encourage women to go with their gut. Who actually runs errands with another person?

All that said, if you do talk to him about it and you have nothing but a 'bad feeling' beware being written off as being 'crazy'.

Ha!! No I was on iPad and it was logged in as my mate!! She's the one who encouraged me to sign up and ask for myself as she doesn't have all the background.

Look it's probably nothing, but I just can't shake this guy knot.