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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? Meeting new partner

12 replies

LittleBabyLucas · 25/01/2022 16:07

Hey all currently my name is mud as far as DD's (6) dad is concerned.

A month ago just before Xmas, he told me he was seeing someone. Not any issues with that he's a grown adult and we've been apart for almost 3 years why shouldn’t he get back out there?

Earlier he text me saying he was taking DD to his town to stay overnight. His accommodation isn't suitable for kids, it's a shared house that has been broken into regularly, the police are always outside for some reason or another (not to do with him) and he doesn't DD there which I agreed with.

So asking where they'd be staying his reply was " the girlfriend" (his words not mine).

Bearing in mind DD hasn't met GF before ever, or talked on a video call with her, staying over night in a strange house to me is a no no, especially since Dad has only known her 2 months tops.

Am I being unreasonable to suggest they meet in a neutral location that DD knows (local park, duck pond etc) for a couple of times first? Dad only has DD once a month at a hotel so to me it would be a case of either doing the over nights but GF can come up for a few hours (20 minute journey so it isn't exactly far) OR Dad stops overnights for a few months to spend more days with DD which would mean GF can get to know DD better quicker?

Obviously if DD doesn't want to stay over at GF's house I'm not going to force her. I can't really see there being any problems but she is very strong willed with who she likes and who she doesn't 😅

OP posts:

Guavaf1sh · 26/01/2022 23:07

It isn’t really up to you and it sounds as if you’re trying to micromanage this situation. I get why you’re anxious but unfortunately it isn’t your business

Mummytobe93 · 26/01/2022 23:11

I thought that unless you can provide a bedroom for the child you can’t have her/him overnight ?

RedCandyApple · 26/01/2022 23:13

@Mummytobe93

I thought that unless you can provide a bedroom for the child you can’t have her/him overnight ?

Sorry but where did you hear that? Loads of people live in one bed flats with children....

alwaysmovingforwards · 26/01/2022 23:14

Yeah I’d not be happy about that.

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/01/2022 23:16

Is he a good dad generally? Do you trust his judgement? If sounds as though he does broadly think about her needs, if he’s made his own decision not to have her in an unsafe house. In an ideal world yes, he’d take things slowly. But with his living arrangement it doesn’t sound like he lives in an ideal world and I can’t blame him really for wanting the opportunity to spend time with DD somewhere that isn’t a hotel or wherever else he has to take her out.

ThuMuClu · 26/01/2022 23:17

I wouldn’t like it either but you are on a hiding to nothing. It’s always going to look like you’re trying to control the situation in response to him
Being in a new relationship

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/01/2022 23:19

But him ask DD what she’d like to do and allow her to choose. If you ask her and give her the sense that you’d like her to say she doesn’t want to, and your ex perceives that’s what happened, it’s going to create bad feeling and he may well be less up for being open and honest with you about his plans in the future.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/01/2022 23:19

He sounds incredibly irresponsible. But you can’t stop him so hopefully he’ll see sense.

StrongSunglasses · 26/01/2022 23:22

I can empathise with you, however when I was a child and my parents divorced I first met my dad’s girlfriend when staying over and it was totally fine as no big deal was made of it (I was about 4/5).

How old is your dd as that may affect things?

ThuMuClu · 26/01/2022 23:23

Please don’t burden your daughter with making this decision, and any fallout that comes from it.

Winniemarysarah · 26/01/2022 23:26

@Guavaf1sh

It isn’t really up to you and it sounds as if you’re trying to micromanage this situation. I get why you’re anxious but unfortunately it isn’t your business

I completely disagree with this. I know my opinions don’t match the guidance in the family courts, but I’d make him take me to court before letting him do this. A mother would get torn apart on here if she said that she was making her little girl who she only sees once a month spend the night at her new fuck buddys house that she’s only known for 2 months.

Original poster

LittleBabyLucas · 29/01/2022 13:28

Thankyou all for your input and I'd like to update you all.

New partner actually called me, whether dad gave her number or not I have no idea but after attempting to be civil to come to an agreement (not her place to do so with me but that's by the by) and me stating multiple times I don't have an issue with DD meeting her in the slightest, being called a bunch of derogatory words and being told, "Don't worry I'll make her love me more than she ever loves you to the point she won't want to live with you anymore" my original decision is staying in place for now.
Dad claims he was unaware gf had spoken to me until I brought it up with him (he and I are on good talking terms we just didn't work out) I left it with him. His relationship is his business but her using DD to threaten simply isn't on.

OP posts:

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