To feel really anxious about the future

[Pippinthepup]

I’m almost 8 months pregnant with my first child (a little girl) and am feeling really anxious about life and things she may encounter as she grows up. I just feel life is hard for them growing up. I am 28 at the end of the year so I don’t remember life before the Internet and we had things like PlayStation and msn/bebo and then in my early teens Facebook but somehow it all seems a lot more stressful nowadays and that kids are much more affected by it all. I really worry that children’s lives will just become all online and that they won’t really experience the world other than from behind a screen. I suppose I feel that things aren’t really kid friendly anymore- when I was growing up I loved music and I used to go to Woolworths to buy the cd, listen to it in the car on the way home and then dance around the house all day to it- I’ve been listening to the radio a lot more over the last few months and most of what you hear now kids couldn’t even listen to because it’s too inappropriate. I worry that there won’t be snow days anymore because schooling will just go online and that they won’t be able to eat chocolate. Sorry this post is really long but I’ve just been really upset over the last few weeks. I was just wondering if anyone has felt like this

Sorry I also forgot to put that I’ve felt really worried over the last few weeks that children won’t be able to see a doctor in person in the future because of them doing things online and then something may be missed

I think you are feeling anxious and letting your thoughts spiral. It's understandable but you need to stop and breathe. Stress is no good for your baby. I do understand all your concerns but they are just thoughts in your head which you are giving too much power.

Have a look at some meditation techniques, or download the free Insight Timer app and choose a mediation for expectant mums. Practice breathing and grounding yourself. Also try journaling to get your worries on paper and then rationalise them.

Your role as a parent is to create an environment that is as happy & stress-moderated as possible. You choose the radio station, the material they see on the internet. You provide a decent diet, limit sweets and processed food, you encourage them to enjoy sport or kitchen discos or not worry about personal appearance/weight too much by modelling that yourself.

Children learn by copying their parents. So you have lots of control over these things. It isn't easy because there are other influences, but my ds(13) still bops around the kitchen with me to the radio (even if I am embarrassing ). He has no interest in Facebook or other SM because I don't. It isn't part of our household culture.

You'll do a brilliant job of parenting when LO arrives. And it's normal to worry about stuff before the birth. Good luck xx

@AtHome83 I think you’re right that my thoughts are spiralling. I’ve been trying some meditation techniques but have still felt really anxious and have been crying a lot. I will download the app and try some more though

@MintJulia thank you for your lovely response. My dh says the same thing as you that it’s up to us to give her a good childhood away from the Internet the whole time x

I think you’re worried about the fear of the unknown, which is only natural as you’re about to go through a majorly life changing event, you’ve focused that worry into the fact that your child’s childhood won’t be like yours, take heart in the fact that this is how it should be.

I grew up in the 70s and 80s and I used to think the same about kids growing up when you were a child, look at all this technology they’re relying on, wrapped in cotton wool, can’t afford a house etc. but you’ve turned out fine. You’re kids will be fine so long as you love and support then - humans adapt, it’s what makes us so great.

In the meantime try and relax, learning to meditate properly and effectively takes time, in the meantime try rhythmic breathing, 4 in 4 out (box breathing is good too but you’ll need to ask your midwife if it’s ok to do). Think about a gently babbling brook , or wind in leaves or waves gently lapping a beach, if your imagination isn’t good, find something on you tube and watch

Your. Not you’re

I think @AtHome83 is right OP. You're feeling anxious and things are spiralling. I totally understand why, it's easy to let worries get out of control.

For what it's worth, I'm in my mid 40s with 2 teens. I very much despair at society on a whole these days, but that doesn't mean your children have to be led by the things you don't like. My DCs spend most of their free time on the sports they both love. They are passionate about and dedicated to them. They love scouts and adventure; we spend family free time outdoors or planning experiences; they are both passionate readers (their rooms are filled with books); great at debating; love a family games night and are growing up to be interesting, adventure-seeking, fun loving individuals with ambition and passion for life.

I think your children will have wonder and seek excitement for life if you teach them to. In many ways there are so many more experiences available to children now.

Covid has made life pretty crap for the past 2 years and that doesn't help when our thoughts on other worries spiral out of control. But honestly, things are turning around now. My DCs have lots of friends just like them, happy kids, not ruined by the society we live in.

Ooh, one more thing, my DD is a massive music fan too. She may not buy cds, but has a record player and loves mooching around hmv and independent stores, finding things to spend her money on. She actually has a shelf full of records from the 90s from bands that I used to love as a teen too. We've been to loads of gigs together recently; rather than her not experiencing the life I had at her age, I'm actually repeating it again with her

@Whistleforthechoir Thank you, that's lovely! I love to hear about kids who are still having great lives and are able to enjoy experiences. I think a lot of how I'm feeling is probably to do with Covid and that there's been nothing on that isn't virtual for almost two years now!

I would also add @Pippinthepup that the fact that you are having these concerns show that you will bring up your children to have great experiences and to be inquisitive, interesting individuals with a lifetime of memories.
It's not very nice having worries, but it shows you take parenting seriously and will be a great mum.

If you fancy a read, I love this book by Michael Rosen
www.waterstones.com/book/good-ideas/michael-rosen9781444796445?awaid=3787&utm_source=redbrain&utm_medium=shopping&utm_campaign=css&gclid=CjwKCAiA3L6PBhBvEiwAINlJ9PtQ0NWA50OFyTs_c9iMhVFPWzNolZF6JcLmYFYuS9jCR4oj6rF9vxoCGDgQAvD_BwE

Most of it is obvious, but I really enjoyed and agreed with his passion for parenting. In the introduction he tells how his parents brought him up to be curious about absolutely everything, question everything.
'Anything out there, any knowledge, any culture, anything going on, can be yours, they said. You are entitled to find out about it, enjoy it, go there, do it, be it. There are no walls, nothing is too posh or too un-posh, nothing is too highbrow or lowbrow. Don't let anyone block you off from any of it. Don't block yourself of from any of it. Just give yourself a chance with any of it. Give it a go.'

I loved that intro, and we've brought our children up to think like that. That's absolutely still possible in this day and age

[quote Pippinthepup]@Whistleforthechoir Thank you, that's lovely! I love to hear about kids who are still having great lives and are able to enjoy experiences. I think a lot of how I'm feeling is probably to do with Covid and that there's been nothing on that isn't virtual for almost two years now![/quote]
Yes, life has been very tough. I can't imagine having a baby in these times, it's been hard.

But I do honestly think that once your delightful baby arrives and starts growing, you will find everything about her amazing and pass on your wonder to her in how you bring her up.

Best of luck, you'll be fab. (Oh and also, I found not reading/listening to the news for about 6 months helped me enormously last year. Turn it off. We don't do social media and our children haven't been bothered either, so that's not an issue for us; but definitely turning the news off has helped)

I don’t think you’re BU at all. I’m 27 weeks, also having a girl, and I’m worried about the internet too. I hate how doing everything online has become the norm. It’s not normal to live your life through a screen, I get so worried we won’t go back to “in-person” being the default. I feel sad when I think of no more inset days because the school is being used as a polling station/snow day/whatever because HEY let’s do it all online! I don’t want her to start her first job at home, meeting her new colleagues through bloody MS Teams and doing stupid “icebreakers” via uploaded photos and online quizzes 😔 my husband says he thinks her generation will rebel against it all but I still worry.

@WorryMcGee thank you! You’ve summed it up exactly how I feel. I really hope when it’s their time they actually go out to work and not just sit behind a screen on their own all day! I hope all goes well with the rest of your pregnancy and your birth!