AIBU-Dog Edition

[saintbernardlady]

So last year I lost my gentle giant saint Barnard to bone cancer at 6 years old. She left an absolute hole in my heart im still struggling to this day without her and its been nearly a year. Im crying on a daily basis and been pretty much depressed since her untimely passing I pretty much threw myself into work to avoid being at home the common theme is i feel like I had killed her as she was put to sleep was not an easy decsion to make. What this AIBU is about is I want to get another Saint Bernard and my partner wants a small dog we can't agree on breed, sex or name and its getting really frustrating. I get her point she doesn't want to feel like she's replacing our saint but I im struggling in our empty house and I love her but its just me and her now I haven't gone this long without having a pet and being covid positive I haven't left the house its making it more harder without a pet this whole isolation situation. Im just really frustrated

I think a smaller breed would be better for you. A Saint Barnard life expectancy is 8-10 years, which is not very long at all. Smaller breeds live so much longer. It's hard to recommend a breed, as here are so many! Personally, I'd go for a female, as they smell less if they are urinating in the garden. I'd go for a rescue that's already house trained etc. Why don't you visit your local Dogs Trust and go from there? You could make a day of it. Look at all the dogs, then go for a pub lunch and chat about the dogs you've seen. Rinse and repeat until you find one.

I completely get it. We lost our Golden Retriever and I felt torn. We decided to go for our perfect Labrador. How about a compromise of a Newfie or Burmese? Something similar in size but different personality?

I think they’re like kids though where you worry about loving your second as much due to how much you love your first, when in reality they’re all different and you love them just as much. Even another St Bernard would behave differently to your first but you would love them just as much!

Large breds and cancer go hand in hand (sadly). Whilst obviously cancer can impact any dog, it is more frequently seen in large breeds because the growth hormone required to get tham to that size in a risk factor.

Why don't you instead focus on agreeing the characteristics (rather than breed or physial traits) that you both want from a dog. And what characteristics you don't want.

Then maybe a trip to Crufts in Match to walk around all the dog breed stalls that are there, both of you agreeing to be open minded about all the breeds. Talk to the owners on the stalls about their breeds and try to find one that suits the characteristics you both want.

You may both be surprised about where that leads you...

A St. Bernard is a very distinct life choice, both for day to day coping and for life expectancy. Both of you need to agree on such a niche breed.

There are a multitude of other breeds, surely you can agree on one that has compromises from you both - or indeed your partner gets her choice this time, as you had yours last time?

Giant breeds like St Bernards do tend to have short lives compared to small/medium breeds and bone cancers are a major risk for them, so I would have thought maybe a different breed might be better for you.

Maybe the two of you could talk to your local rescue centre and they could match you to a dog that would suit your lifestyle, dog-owning experience etc? Then some of the difficulty of choosing would actually be removed from the process. I know people who have ended up with rescue dogs of a size or breed they probably wouldn't have chosen themselves if they hadn't been matched, and they've always completely fallen in love with them. Ultimately, it's an individual dog's personality that makes them right for you - you could find yourself matched with a dog of another breed who shares all the lovely gentle qualities of your much-loved St Bernard.