Other parent filming and taking photos of my child at toddler group?

[Greenbluestar]

It’s a sing song group. We sit down on the floor approximately 1 metre away from each other. We might say hello on arrival then music is played throughout. There’s no coffee, tea or general chitchat so it’s not like I know this person. The children run about, dance, may be given an instrument, etc. Last week I noticed another mum was filming and taking photos of all the children. It made me uncomfortable cause I could see that she wasn’t just zooming in to capture her own child. At one point my dd crawled past her and it looked like she was following her with the phone on record. I don’t understand why she’d do this. Aibu to say something or am I just being precious?

What do you think?

The group leader should be either asking everyone's permission or telling her not to

The organiser should stipulate no group photos. I'm surprised they dont already

You are not been precious, I mean what is the parent doing with the photos/videos are they uploading to social media for which they need permission to post pictures of other people's children. It's also a massive safeguarding issue, some might be childminders, some might be foster children or adopted children where their location may need to be kept from others.

I would either say something to the parent or mention it to the group leader and they can say something in general to everyone.

You are not being precious and I would:

a) ask the group leader to clarify the rules
b) ask loudly 'please don't film my child' if they get their phone out again

I don't give a shit what other parents think of me, you can film your own children as much as you want but my kids can have their space.

Background at a park? Shit happens
Starring role in a public performance? Publicity expected
Singing group or swimming lesson? Put your phone away

I go to a singing group as a childcarer and there's often people filming but zoomed in of their children. I do the same but never of the other children. If I noticed someone was filming my kids specifically, I would say something.

I've never been to a playgroup where phones were allowed. If we had to take a call we had to leave the room. The playworkers / organisers / another parent would watch your child. I'd raise it as a safeguarding concern. There are plenty of children with childminders or foster parents where the adult in charge does not have consent to photos etc

a) ask the group leader to clarify the rules
b) ask loudly 'please don't film my child' if they get their phone out again

^ This.

Why did you not ask?

@shouldistop

Why did you not ask?

I wasn’t sure if it was normal or not

I wasn’t sure if it was normal or not

It's not normal to want to film other people's children.

Of course you know it's not normal!

That’s creepy, why didn’t you confront her or at least the group leader at the time? You need to tell the group leader so she can outline rules and if you catch her doing this again, confront her.

I only take photos of my DC when no other children are around.

@Greenbluestar

It is OK to ask - you now do know that other parents would agree with you.

We do not always know and it is helpful to check with the hive mind at times. You can also disagree with the hive mind too (I often do).

What you need is a plan for what you will do now. Can you email the group organiser?

Never forget that there are vile women, too. Some will use child images for their own entertainment, share with partners, sell to customers... You have no way of knowing what she will be doing with them.

This is a child safeguarding issue, as well as a matter of personal privacy.

If she is up to no good, and the place let it continue, they will have failed in their duty of care.

Time to speak to the management and let them know they need to state and promote a privacy policy.

Not normal and you can ask her to stop filming your child.

Also ask the group leader to ask for no phones or photos.

I'm VERY protective of my children's image and refuse all photography and filming. I'd be very clear with this woman that she can't film my child.

No, super weird, everywhere I go has a strict no phones policy and I've seen other mums challenged by the organisers, even when it was clear it was only their kids being filmed, which I 100% agreed with.

YANBU. Had the same issue at DS’ playgroup where one of the dads started to film when the kids were singing and dancing. I gave him a strong look and he put the phone away. I think it’s incredibly rude to start photographing or filming other’s children without asking permission first during group activities. Most know full well that many people would hesitate to speak up because they don’t want to ruin the atmosphere.

Not normal.

Yeah, that needs to stop. I can’t think of any reason anyone would want to photograph someone else’s kid. Weird, weird, weird.

I very much doubt she's a nonce but that doesn't make it okay. I would be very uncomfortable with anyone outside of my family taking images of my children, they're probably going to go online, and while I think we probably worry about sexual predators more than we need to, why would anyone want their child to have some enormous internet footprint before they've reached the age of majority?

@truthfullylying
Thank you. My gut was telling me no but I wasn’t sure. I looked at the email and there is no specific rule about photography so I guess she technically did nothing wrong. I’ll be sat next to her again next week as it’s all allocated so I may drop a subtle hint such as ‘is that DD in the video?’.

I would email the organiser asking what the position is on safeguarding. As someone who was in childcare or 40 years I certainly would not be happy with this.

Permission should be sought from all attending and written prohibition from uploading to the Internet should be in place.

It's not just your child. Sometimes there might be a 'looked after' child amongst the children attending, or a mother and child that have escaped DV, a carelessly placed photograph on the Internet could be catastrophic.

[quote Greenbluestar]@truthfullylying
Thank you. My gut was telling me no but I wasn’t sure. I looked at the email and there is no specific rule about photography so I guess she technically did nothing wrong. I’ll be sat next to her again next week as it’s all allocated so I may drop a subtle hint such as ‘is that DD in the video?’.[/quote]
Don't be subtle about it. If you see her doing it say please don't film or photograph my child.

Better still talk to the course leader and ask them to make a general announcement.