i don't know what to do.

[justmeee27]

i don't usually regret things i have done in life but this marriage is my biggest regrets and i don't know how to get out.

i have been married for almost three years and we have a one year old and i have a 10 year old from previous relationship. i do absolutely everything. i work full time, teach the children, take off when they are sick, do all the house work, my husband and i share bills 50/50 and i still spend more.

we have fought several times about him doing house work, no change and i still pick up after him, he leave everything anywhere, i pick after children and him, he will create his mess and still leave it for me. i have done the not picking up after him, it will remain their until i sort it out, i don't do his washing anymore he do pick his own cloths to wash and leave the rest.

we have not been talking for two weeks now, he cooked last night and the whole kitchen is a mess i just cleaned it up this morning.

i have been off sick from work for about three weeks now, am a nurse and also the pressure from work, i can't breath anymore, i just can't take it anymore also. I have not been sleeping and i spoke to GP yesterday she prescribed me sleeping tablets and have also referred to social service because my husband and i are not speaking, she said its DV how is it DV? i have shut down i can't be talking over the same thing with a grown man, am just waiting for them to call me.

I just want to run away with my children. I have family abroad and i have been thinking of taking my children with me, i want to take one year serbatical from work, as anyone done this before?

He moved in with me and i can still pay my bills online, thank God i have savings. I have asked him to leave he refuses, this is not the 10th time we are in this.

I am so grateful if you read till this, thank you.

If it is your house, then I would give him 1 months notice to leave (or more, if you want to be more generous), and tell him you want a divorce. It is a very hard conversation to have. I remember having to tell my first husband this. They don't agree easily! But you have to just keep repeating yourself, over and over and over.

Does the house belong to you, or has your name on the tenancy, not his?

If so then get him out, with police help if he refuses to go. Then change the locks. If it is your property / tenancy and he refuses to get out when you want him to then he is trespassing.

Contact Women's Aid if you need advice and help formulating a plan to get rid of him safely.

my name is on the tenancy, he refuses to leave, and just ignores me. when he is home my son is home and i don't want my son seeing the police here, its honestly not an excuse.

I don't get it, him refusing to go, he his always on facebook chatting women up, he clearly does not want to be here but he refuses to go.

I am so sorry you are going through this.
I had a very similar situation years ago and it wears you down like water on a stone. Awful.
I am glad that you have gone to see the GP and yes, it is domestic violence. It is the constant undermining of you and your self-esteem by using you as an unpaid servant. He is not talking to you and he is deliberately creating chaos and mess.
You can get out of this. The first step is to book a solicitor's appointment. It is the first step and it will lead to further positive steps. You will find that once you are on the road you will sleep better and things will slowly fall into place.
You do NOT need his permission to separate. You ARE a free woman, with choices. The biggest trick that partners like this pull - or friends, or family, is to make you feel that you have no choice. This is WRONG. YOU ARE FREE.
Considering the sort of man he is I would be hesitant to let him know your plans. Go softly,

@justmeee27

my name is on the tenancy, he refuses to leave, and just ignores me. when he is home my son is home and i don't want my son seeing the police here, its honestly not an excuse.

I don't get it, him refusing to go, he his always on facebook chatting women up, he clearly does not want to be here but he refuses to go.

You may need the police there if he refuses to go. It is more damaging to your son to see the current scenario continuing to play out than if you take steps to show that this behaviour is unacceptable and you won't be tolerating it anymore.

Speak to Women's Aid to formulate a safe plan of action. Don't tell him what you are doing at first and then have support there when you finally do need to.

I don't think you can just run away with your kids if he is the father to one. I may be wrong but can't he stop you taking the youngest one abroad? If he has parental responsibility then he can demand equal say and access to the youngest?

Don't take a short cut for immediate relief. Do it properly. Get him out your house, start the divorce process, get a solicitor to work out fair contact and CM payments.

Cutting corners gives him ammunition to use against you.

Get to a solicitor and start divorce proceedings. You're married and the starting point is 50 50 assets wise, you need to know what steps to take and in what order to get him out of the house, you can't just change the locks. And you can't just take his( and yours) child to live overseas without his agreement ( or they courts of he doesn't agree)

i have just spoken to women aid and will be seeing them thursday. Thank you all.

You cannot take the younger child abroad without he's fathers consent as he has parental responsibility. To do so would be a breach of the Den Hague convention on child abduction.
You need legal advice and support to get him out.

Ask your landlord to help you or call the police. Ask a friend to take the children so they don’t see the police.

Is the tenancy in both your names or just yours?

The silent treatment is a recognised form of abuse op.