What can the school do next regarding bullying?

[BullyingHelp]

I’m at a loss of what to do next. My son has been bullied by the same child for the last year and a half. I’m not one usually to call out bullying but this is relentless and now a daily occurrence.

The bully has behavioural problems, for example swears at the teacher, had punched a hole in the walls and has difficulty regulating his emotions. His mum has told me he has been assessed for autism and has been found not to have this. I am really sympathetic to his needs and want the school to help him but now my son is in the firing line I’m getting a bit desperate.

The boy has been temporarily excluded three times for assaults on my son one being strangling him in the playground. At the moment both boys have separate halves of the playground to play in but he is still managing to name call, interfere with his games and friends, kicks him in the cloak room, mouths vile words across the classroom etc. Most children are scared of him so won’t stick up for my son or if the bully tells them not to play with my son they will comply. I think the reason the bully doesn’t like my son is that he is funny and popular and children like playing with him - maybe he feels threatened by this as he is constantly trying to befriend the other children being overly nice, giving them things to take them away from my son.

I send an email every day with the things this child has done and the staff speak to him about it. But it’s not enough - it’s not stopping but I don’t know what else they can do. He misses part of his play time if he’s caught directly by the teacher but a lot of the time he does it more subtly. Any ideas what I can do next?

He sees your son as a threat.

One of my earliest bullies saw me as a threat because in her eyes my friend couldn't possibly be friends with both of us, only one of us, so she had to make sure it would be her.

My friend never called her out on her behaviour, but she also didn't exclude me when the bully did her best to shut me out.

You've just got to keep communicating with the school with what's happening. There may be little else they can do (without a big incident occuring) at this stage. Keeping him in every break etc wouldn't be considered right.

I really hope they deal with him soon.

How old are they?

I think the standard advice is to speak to the head, ask about their anti- bullying procedures and what they are going to do to keep your son safe.

They are both 11 in year 6

Safeguarding

Does your child feel safe at school? Look at their policy and see how they are (or are not) applying it to keeping your child safe.

It sounds as though you’ve had multiple communications to no avail, next step governors and then the LEA

I would never accept my child being strangled at school.

If my child was strangled by another pupil and the school did so little about it that the child still has an opportunity to hurt them, I think I'd be informing the school that I will be contacting the police since the child is over the age of criminal responsibility.

@SoupDragon

I think the standard advice is to speak to the head, ask about their anti- bullying procedures and what they are going to do to keep your son safe.

I’ve asked and have been able to speak with the deputy head. They tell me they are keeping a close watch over the bully but I still feel that isn’t enough as he’s still being bullied.

The child also makes false allegations about my child which doesn’t help. Another child backed up my son to say it wasn’t true and the bully smashed up a chair in anger! So it puts off the others from speaking up. I think the school are well aware though that my son doesn’t do these things but it’s uosettting for my child as he has to be asked about them and he feels like he’s being accused of them.

Have you spoken to the Headteacher yet. This is how i got a bullying issue resolved. I pointed out that this was a safeguarding issue for my child who the school has a duty of care to keep safe at school but also the other child whoses needs were clearly not being met. I told her I had faith that she could sort it, but if she couldn't i was prepared to escalate it to people who could. Also asked for a copy of the complaints, bullying and safeguarding policy. Sometimess they will try to fob you off by saying the other child has xyz going on, be very firm and make it clear that your concern is for your child abd their safety and weĺlbeing and you expect it to be resolved. If you get no joy from the headteacher escalate it in line with the bullying policy and also raise a formal complaint about how the bullying has been handled.

Please phone the police and report this violent little shit!
He tried to murder your son ffs.
This is not just bullying but a long term pattern of violence and abuse, and the school have a duty of care towards your son the fact that they are still allowing this child to behave this way and didn't permanently remove him from the school when he strangled your ds (attempted murder) is a joke seriously why are you allowing the school to neglect your son?
If he can't be kept away from your son at break/lunch this boy should not be allowed out nor should he be unsupervised ever.
Honestly you and the school are actively enabling this child to abuse your son daily by not dealing with it. I was your son and I've never forgotten or forgiven my parents for not protecting me and like you sympathising with the bully just as you are. Please think about the message that you are sending to your son by doing so and also the long term psychological damage that you the school and this child are inflicting on your poor son because I and many others on this site can tell you that it leaves life long scars that never truly heal

If your child is being strangled I’d arrange a meeting with the head, tell them it’s been going on for 18 months and that the behaviour is escalating and the boy is now committing assault. Ask them about what measures they have put in place to protect your child and that you will be calling the police if there are any further incidences. It’s gone too far and gone on too long, their measures and/or their enforcement are inadequate and their duty is to protect the children in their care.

When my son was bullied, the other child had a lot of internal exclusions because the other child wasnt safe at home (rather heartbreaking) but also did lots of nuture work and play therapy with the other boy They also buddied my child with some other children who were supposed to look out for him, people who werent already his friends.
To be fair it did help and he wasnt strangled or kicked to the ground again.

He's being attacked during their time with your son. Ask to see the Safeguarding guidelines. Don't be fobbed off with their excuses that he isn't being bullied. Your son and you know that he is.
I'd give them one and only one more chance to get this sorted or you'll be contacting the Board of Governors, the headmaster and anyone further up the food chain (so to speak) about this.
If they fail to do something, you'll move your son out of their school and won't be quiet about why you are moving him.

I think I agree with PP saying you're going to have to get a bit tougher. I understand your empathy towards the bully. It's very generous of you. In a situation where there was non-violent bullying by a child who had the capacity to understand the impact of their behaviour and have empathy and remorse, that would be fine. But that's not what is happening here.

I'm surprised the bully is still in mainstream school to be honest. You need to start getting angry and using that anger constructively to get your son protected by school.

At the end of the day the school could be doing more. For example the bully could have no break times at all, he could be kept in and away from everyone - he could spend all day every day in their exclusion room. It isn't acceptable for your son to be at risk from him.

Good luck OP, it sounds very tough.

After three exclusions he should be permanently excluded. The school can't guarantee your son's safety if the boy has throttled him three times now. I would absolutely escalate it now – complain to the board of governors and cc in Ofsted and make it clear because the bullying hasn't stopped you're at the point of involving the police for assault, because the boy has reached the age of criminality now.

I hit the nuclear button and wrote a REAL letter to the head of education at the council marked “private and confidential”…

But, the real action happened when the doctor at a&e who dealt with the broken arm (!) reported it to the police and SS!

Go into the school and do not leave until you speak to the head. Make a right fuss. This is unacceptable and they are not safeguarding your child. Write to your local councillor

I understand why pp are saying it, but it's not a police matter and he won't be excluded.

But it does sound as if the school are not being robust enough. I'm sympathetic to the boy, who obviously has significant additional needs, and I am sympathetic to the other pupils and staff who will have every lesson and playtime impacted by his behaviour.

However, it is unacceptable that your child is being targeted in this way. At my school, the bully would be having separate playtimes to everyone else. You need a meeting with the Head. Whatever they have in place isn't working so they need to take additional measures.

Thank you. We are going to see what has happened today and have a firmer chat with the school. We are going to ask how he is being safeguarded and ask for this in writing.

@BullyingHelp

Thank you. We are going to see what has happened today and have a firmer chat with the school. We are going to ask how he is being safeguarded and ask for this in writing.

Sounds like a plan good luck hope you can get it sorted.

I would go into school and not leave until I had spoken to the Head. You need to make a really big fuss as this is not acceptable. Also write to the Chair of the Governors.

How did it go op?

My husband had a chat with the parent at the school gates which he thinks might help. He told me not to phone today as it had only been name calling, and my son came out happy. I’m definitely going to call if anything more happens though.