DH lying about present - not sure if IBU

[Melawati]

DH and I have been married a long time and have 3 DC. Recently DH went to visit a group of his old uni friends who still live in their uni town, including his best friend, who was best man at our wedding. I see these friends once a year or so, DH sees them more often. They’re definitely more his friends than our friends.
The recent visit was for the best man’s birthday. I didn’t go as it’s a long way for a weekend and the DC have clubs, sports etc.
All fine, I’m really happy for him to go. But one of the friends shared a video of the party where DH is giving the best man his present, and DH says very clearly the present is just from me. He even gives a little speech about how I told him I must get a present and how I chose this very specific and personal thing - a collectible related to their (not mine) shared hobby.
But we didn’t discuss the present at all. DH has fun every year choosing something related to their shared interest. I didn’t know what he was buying and the present isn’t from me. He then also handed over a smaller more generic present he said was from him.
I feel weird about this. It somehow feels a bit controlling. I’m not sure why DH has spun this story that makes it seem like I’ve taken a special interest in his friend and sought out a present. In past years he’s not even asked me to sign the card.
Have I (without my knowledge) been ‘buying’ his friends lovely thoughtful presents for years?
I don’t think DH knew I’d see the video of him handing over the present and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable not to just think that it’s a nice thing to include me in the celebration.

Weird

It's a bit weird, but might have a mundane reason. Like, maybe your dh wants to buy his friend a thoughtful gift, but for whatever reason, the dynamic of their friendship would make him feel uncomfortable doing that?

Why would he do that? Blimey, you must ask him, that is really strange.

Is it possible the friend isn't keen on you and DH is trying to win him over?

I can't think of any other explanation. It's very odd behaviour.

But weird but I think it's more trying to get his friend to like you more or something rather than controlling ? He didn't even think you'd see the video ..

Better than you choosing it and him taking the credit. I think it's a bit of a non issue tbh. He was probably over compensating for you not being there so it doesn't look like you don't care.

Why dont you show him the video and see what he says?

He is probably embarrassed about giving his friend the gift, and is clumsily covering by "blaming" you for being the one making the effort. The male friendship groups can sometimes be a bit toxic masculine, and your dh buying the gift might attract banter.

Maybe there's a joke behind it?

Maybe his friend is not super fond of you and he told him that to kind of butter him up a little bit in regards to you?

I think it's weird, and I would ask him about it. However, I don't know how you jump to the conclusion that he's being controlling that doesn't seem logical to me.

Hmmmm.

My guess would be that the way the dynamic works is such that for whatever reason, your DH would be embarrassed to show himself as someone who would go out of their way to research and buy a nice present. That he wants/needs within the group to produce something, but it's naff/not blokey to do this himself. He must have a Wifey that takes all the trouble, and he gets to be offhand about it, laugh about it - thus not only getting present kudos but extra blokey kudos 'nah all her mate, I wouldn't have bothered, too busy playing Fifa innit'

That's my guess.

You have to ask him though - and I absolutely wouldn't take any hedging or him shutting you down - make it clear that if you don't get a very clear picture of why - even if it embarrasses him - you'll go straight to his friend and ask how often this has happened...

Strange. Like he didn't want to lose face by being thoughtful? How odd! Can't wrap my head round this one, you've got me 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

He’s probably just embarrassed (embarrassed not quite the right word.. awkward maybe?) about giving his friend a thoughtful gift. I can imagine myself doing the same in a similar situation tbh

Is he embarrassed that you weren’t there and was trying to big you up to his mates?

Either:
(1) DH felt his friend might be a bit offended by you not being there, so he thought he’d over-compensate by telling his friend you got him a fab gift,
Or
(2) DH was a bit embarrassed by the special-ness of the gift so pretended it was from you to deflect attention from himself. Maybe he was worried his friend might think he fancied him?

I'm thinking like everyone else here.

He was either embarrassed about giving a thoughtful present so said it was from you, a woman. Or he wants his friend to like you more ?

I think he got there, realised his gift was way more thoughtful than anyone else’s, got embarrassed and made up a story that he never thought you’d hear. It’s a bit stupid but it wouldn’t overly bother me I don’t think.

Talk to him if it bothers you though!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I get what you mean about it not being controlling as such @steff13 it’s more controlling of my ‘image’. Like I’m somehow being managed as if the actual me isn’t good enough? Hard to explain.
It’s a nerdy rather than blokey dynamic, and they have a tradition of giving each other presents related to their interest so I don’t think he’d be embarrassed. Perhaps the ‘they don’t like me very much’ explanation is the most feasible. But in that case I’d like to do my own PR, if you see what I mean?

Ok, I don't know your DH's personality so I may be way off here.

I have a family member who has narcissistic traits and is very charming and clever enough to know that most people see through braggers. This is the type of thing he would do as it would reflect well on him as the audience would think "wow, doesn't he have an amazing wife! He must really be something special to have someone so amazing love him!"

It's a pretty covert way of making himself seem wonderful by association.

Your DH may be nothing like that though!

It’s weird, but doesn’t strike me as controlling.

Was it a way of making you present when you weren’t?

Ask him, am intrigued..

Whatever the reason, you need to ask. He shouldn't be doing things in your name without your knowledge, and imagine how awkward it would be if this friend had mentioned a gift you "you" gave him that you know nothing about.

Either trying to ingratiate you with the friend or was worried it seemed too thoughtful a gift from a man?

This is my explanation
Your husband bought the first gift, the one from him, and came across the second item. Knowing they would both be perfect for his friend, he couldn’t pick between the two, but was a bit embarrassed to be seen to be giving his friend 2 presents so came up with this white lie to avoid looking a bit too ‘keen/ over generous/ soppy’ ??