Step children when you spilt up

[Besswess88]

I was with my husband for 12 years. We split up last July.

He was pretty abusive. It’s been really difficult.

When I got with him his kids were 3 and 5, we have had them every other weekend and school holidays.

I was friends with his ex wife but we fell out some years ago over her care of the children. She blocked me on FB.

I messaged DSD1 recently (who is now 17) when I knew she was having a hard time and was responded to from her phone by her mother, telling me to back off and that she (DSD1) will contact me if needed.

I have not contacted either of them since (when I initially left him once I knew he had told them I messaged them letting them know that nothing has changed and I am still here if they need me). I couldn’t deal with more conflict.

DSD1 has now added me on FB and ex wife has unblocked me.

I feel like this is to monitor my interaction with DSD1 and I don’t feel able to have a relationship with either of them anymore. They live 200 miles away.

I put so much effort in and feel so sad this is no longer possible.

Ex wife ditched husbands older son when they split and by all accounts (DSS) she was pretty awful to him.

Block ex wife and accept she might be interfering but she has no right to monitor your relationship with an adult child.

Ooh yes have done 👍🏻👍🏻

Hi OP not sure what your AIBU is, but YANBU to be sad about the situation. It's a type of loss, and its heartbreaking.

I had similar experience. Looked after the kids every single weekend, met the youngest age 4 then split up with their dad when they were 12. The dad expected me to just turn off contact. Their mum was a bit kinder luckily, I think she knew the kids thought a lot of me.

I tend to send unpushy messages that just show I am thinking off them, without inviting a response. Of course I always remember birthdays etc too.

I knew a man who brought a baby up as his own. When he separated he had the boy every other weekend. Then the mother got a new bloke who didn't like it, so all contact stopped. Really heartbreaking for both him and the little lad. People are very selfish.

Can you ask the daughter for her mobile number so you may be able to communicate with her via text or call and not Facebook ? It might be easier for her mum to trace via fb that's all

I had her mobile number but messaged her and got a reply from her mother.