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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Afterlife

26 replies

babasaclover · 24/01/2022 21:56

Sitting here feeling sorry for myself and wondering if I have wasted my entire life.

AIBU to think that there is real love out there and people are as happy as Tony and Lisa are were? Does anyone have that?

OP posts:
StylishMummy · 24/01/2022 21:59

Hindsight is a cruel mistress at times. DH and I are a team and we're very happy, but we can bicker like kids and nothing is 1000% perfect. Life is stressful and it impacts relationships, but the important thing is to appreciate the good and handle the tough times with perspective where you can

sobercuriouskind · 24/01/2022 22:01

I really enjoyed After Life but please remember it is a TV show, albeit clever. You were seeing the love he had for his wife with the hindsight that she had died. You didn't see them arguing, slogging away at their 9 till 5 jobs or resenting one another as many couples, even those in love do.
Focus on what you have achieved in your life, not what you might not have done. There will always be people out there having a better life or being happier in love.

FelicityBob · 24/01/2022 22:01

Nah I’ve never laughed as much as Lisa laughed. Where were the arguments?? Didn’t seem realistic to me. I’m sure people will come on and say they have a relationship like that but I don’t think it’s bad if you don’t

GirlInACountrySong · 24/01/2022 22:05

i think Lisa was just a happy person

I laugh a lot....DP is very much quieter. we are similar characters i'd say

AlDanvers · 24/01/2022 22:06

@babasaclover

Sitting here feeling sorry for myself and wondering if I have wasted my entire life.

AIBU to think that there is real love out there and people are as happy as Tony and Lisa are were? Does anyone have that?

Me and my dad have just watched this.

He had watched series 1 & 2 before. I hadn't.

Mum died 7 weeks and 4 days ago. Do its been hard going. But, oddly, comforting.

Dad identified with the character alot. He knows he won't ever be with anyone again. He was only ever in a relationship with mum. She was the only person for him.

Like Tony, Dad feels that anything he has was because of Mum. Mum and dad had a complex relationship (not like the programme) but we're absolutely made for eachother. Dad wants her to remain his one and says no one can replace her and he wouldn't want them to.

They had something truly special. They just fit. They did track me that love doesn't make it easy all the time. But that's it can be worth it.

He says he won't be miserable and push people away, because she would be mad at him. But he is OK living his life, whilst being incredibly sad and missing her. That's enough for him.

I am very lucky in that he says me and dp have that special relationship. We haven't been together that long (4 years), So I suppose time will tell.

I do think the programme is an exaggeration. I dont think anyone is that happy all the time with no problems at all, ever.

hivemindneeded · 24/01/2022 22:06

One of the things I hate about After Life is that Lisa is such a 2-dimensional character. She's so Stepford Wife. All she ever does is break into fits of giggles about everything. Where circumstances would lead other people to be sad, annoyed, frustrated, flat, shocked, scared, thoughtful etc, she just breaks into an inane giggle. I pity the poor actress limited to 'Lisa breaks into laughter'. 'Lisa giggles despite her terminal pain'. FFS.

Of course life isn't like that. But lots of people are happy together.

AlDanvers · 24/01/2022 22:07

And let's be honest, his 'pranks' would puss anyone off from time to time Grin

Momicrone · 24/01/2022 22:09

Yes a bit like Barbara in the good life, I always thought she is what the writers thought was the perfect woman

Lockeddownagain · 24/01/2022 22:13

Yeh we are like that but we row too and I'm sure the would have rowed too but he was missing the fun bits so that's qll we saw the end was harrowing and qfter watching it I learned of the death of a teenagerI used to work with. Life is precious

MintyGreenDream · 24/01/2022 22:15

He worshipped her clearly.I think everyone wants that really in a relationship.

Toomuchleopard · 24/01/2022 22:17

Seeing them so happy was really lovely. But he was always waking her up with an air horn which she found funny Confused , would have pissed me right off

Rubyupbeat · 24/01/2022 22:20

In afterlife they were videoing each other, so its going to be the good bits of their marriage. They were obviously very much in love and he was still grieving.
You can still argue, have differences of opinion, but still love each other deeply.

Arnia · 24/01/2022 23:03

I had to switch it off earlier as I found it too irritating. Perhaps some women wet themselves in hilarity when their husband throws water over them on the way home from work... but it's not something I'd go doe-eyed over. Bet she thought he was a knob really.

WhenTheyComeForYou · 24/01/2022 23:07

Ha I was watching this yesterday, thinking how different they were to my partner and I (who have been together around 15 years).

I'm much grumpier than Lisa. My partner isn't as funny as Tony.

They are characters. It wouldn't be a good watch it they were mediocre.

I don't believe in soulmates. Relationships don't just work out wonderfully without hard work and patience. Being able to accept flaws and overlook tough times.

People change all the time, Tony and Lisa may have divorced 10years later. Who knows.

WhenTheyComeForYou · 24/01/2022 23:08

Also, having children is a massive strain on relationships. They didn't have to worry about parenting and all the difficulties that can bring.

Arnia · 24/01/2022 23:13

Yes the only couple I know like this in real life are childfree. It makes a massive difference.

RavenBrooke · 24/01/2022 23:14

I love this. Just started series 3 after rewatching 1 and 2 in preparation... It's the only show that makes me laugh and cry simultaneously. Half the time I'm crying because I've never had, or will have, a love like that. Soppy cow that I am.
I'm in awe of it. I know it's fictional but some people must have that sort of relationship, even though as pp said, because it's shown through home videos, they've only shown the fun bits.

callycustard · 24/01/2022 23:15

I'm probably in the minority but I don't like it. Don't get me wrong, the writing is deep and thought provoking in places. He captures the essence of grief and hating the world. But the relationship didn't feel real to me. The forced laughter, constant pranks and jokes, filming of mundane tasks. Maybe I'm missing the point but because it didn't feel genuine I didn't resonate so much with it.

The humour was also just crass for the sake of being crass at times. I actually think The Office is so much cleverer and still relevant and funny today.

JaneyJimplin · 24/01/2022 23:17

If he blasted an air horn in my ear, he'd have been too dead to mourn my subsequent passing.

Arnia · 24/01/2022 23:18

the relationship didn't feel real to me. The forced laughter, constant pranks and jokes, filming of mundane tasks. Maybe I'm missing the point but because it didn't feel genuine I didn't resonate so much with it.

Yes my thoughts exactly. It was completely inauthentic.

pigsDOfly · 24/01/2022 23:30

It's a tv programme written to entertain and to give Ricky Gervase a vehicle for his talents, it's not real life.

Most people's real relationships made into a tv programme would be as boring as hell because most people's lives are mediocre and humdrum. And people argue.

Most women don't laugh at childish pranks the way she does.

His stupid antics with air horns and pouring water on her when she's asleep or resting would piss most normal women off, it certainly would have annoyed me; she's very ready to indulge him like a spoilt child all the time.

It would definitely cut down on the arguments and conflicts of normal life if one half of the relationship can do no wrong and their annoying behaviour is always indulged.

And if it were real life you'd only be seeing idealised snapshots of their lives anyway, driven by the fact that he's remembering all the good times until she becomes this unrealistically 'brave' woman.

I'm sure there are couples out there who have lovely, happy relationships but life isn't one long 'laugh' for any relationship. Little stresses and things going wrong from time to time put strains on even the strongest, happiest relationships.

Don't compare your life to some idealised relationship that's come from another person's imagination, most normal people's life will always be found wanting; mine certainly would.

Babdoc · 24/01/2022 23:31

I’ve just reached the second series.
I don’t think it’s very realistic, but then it’s meant to be a “comedy”, not real life.
Tony is a sarcastic, annoying knob who liked practical jokes and lacks empathy or basic life skills - he can’t cook and didn’t even manage to keep a stock of food for the dog after Lisa died. Deliberately giving a homeless addict the money to kill himself was shocking and crass. I can’t understand why the other characters keep telling him he’s a “lovely person”. He’s self indulgent, unpleasant, cruel, rude, narcissistic and wallowing.
I was widowed at 35. My late DH, who died at 36, was and remains my soulmate and I never remarried. I have been bereaved for thirty years now, having raised our two babies alone.
DH was everything that Tony was not - empathetic, loving, caring, supportive, self sacrificing, an excellent cook, a great dad, my best friend and the love of my life. As a Christian, I hope to be reunited with him after my own death.

kittenkipper · 24/01/2022 23:49

I think that the videos in many ways, are his memories. Not necessarily accurate. Rose tinted glasses. The effect of hindsight. Lisa is presented as almost perfect. A caricature. The videos are actually his reel of memory , and memory changes, is malleable and not fixed. Neither is it truthful, or accurate.

I am married to a man I believe is my soul mate. He is awful and contentious, stubborn and so pessimistic, but all of that is so complimentary and opposite to my traits, that we balance one another. Singularly I am foolish and impulsive, naive and inclined toward fun, he is negative, thoughtful, considered and inclined to think before he acts- both of us were / are shit people in our own ways, together, we really bring out the best in each other. I am a better person for him in my life. And the same true of him for me.

pigsDOfly · 25/01/2022 12:56

I think that the videos in many ways, are his memories. Not necessarily accurate. Rose tinted glasses. The effect of hindsight. Lisa is presented as almost perfect. A caricature. The videos are actually his reel of memory , and memory changes, is malleable and not fixed. Neither is it truthful, or accurate.

I think you're absolutely right.

People are often turned into 'saints' by the people who love them once they're dead and the reality becomes distorted.