Or wibu to not tell him?

[trying2Bdebtfree]

Apologies this is a bit long 😬

I'm a regular poster who has name changed as, to be quite honest, I'm really embarrassed about my money issues and I don't really like to talk about it, however I really want to do the right thing.

Basically, I've had money issues all my life - I grew up quite poor and as an adult a combination of many factors, mainly to do with cocklodging ex husbands/boyfriends and low wages has meant that I've never been in a good financial position. A few years ago I had to do a DRO after my exH left me with a load of debt I was unable to pay off. These were all utility bills, council tax, overdrafts etc. No credit cards/store cards etc, no frivolous purchases at all really it was just that I couldn't pay the bills when my ex spent all our money on drugs.

Since then I have really really tried to stay on top of my finances and pay everything on time, I got the Experian app and kept checking to make sure I was doing the right things to improve. One of the things suggested was to get a credit card and use responsibly (I'd never had one before that) and I was managing this until Covid hit. One more cocklodging Bf and 2 job losses later made my CC debt spiral to the point where I couldn't keep on top of the payments and have since ditched the wanker Bf and stopped using the CC completely. It isn't cancelled but I'm now just paying it off and refuse to spend anything on there.

Since then I've turned my life around, have an amazing partner who I moved in with recently. I'm also starting a new job which is much better career progression, pay and hours. Feeling very hopeful about the future. The one downside is that I have one more debt which is outstanding - council tax. This accumulated during the pandemic when I barely had enough money to eat and just could not make the payments. I'm really annoyed with myself at being in this position again but I had literally no choice at the time.

I really want to start paying this back and get rid of this debt once and for all. I need to make an agreement with the enforcement agency and the council once I start my new job but I'm not sure whether to tell DP about this. We aren't financially linked and don't have any shared finances on purpose because he has a brilliant credit rating and I don't want to tarnish that for him.

He knows about the CC debt and the fact I'm paying it back, I haven't mentioned the CT debt because up until now I've had absolutely no chance of affording repayments. I just didn't want him to think I was being irresponsible by not paying it and I was embarrassed about it. Now I'm not paying as much rent and I've got a better job I can afford to make repayments and I fully intend to do so.

Does he need to know if it won't affect him at all? I worry about hiding things from him as it feels dishonest but I also don't think it's something I necessarily need to share when it's about my personal finances.

My DRO will be discharged fully in a couple years time and I am 10000% committed to making sure every penny I owe is paid back my then. I've worked really hard to claw myself out of this mess.

You need to tell him. Not paying the council tax was a very bad idea, it should be a priority debt as the consequences of not paying it are far worse than not paying a credit card.

Please be honest with your new partner, hiding things never ends well.

I understand, I just literally had no choice at the time. The council made several mistakes on my account including charging me for months when I wasn't living there and not applying the single person's discount when I was the only one in the property. Im still trying to sort these issues out. My UC claim was accidentally cancelled at one point too so I had to start all over again, that made 2x 5 weeks without any money at all and I needed to make the CC payments to be able to keep using it to buy food. Sounds strange I know but with the CC at the time I would have had no food or electricity/gas.

I do want to be honest. I'm just worried he will be annoyed I didn't tell him sooner. I think the only reason I didn't is that I knew I didn't have a solution to the problem (ie, starting to make payments) before and now it feels like too much time has passed to bring it up without making it a big deal? I mean, it is a big deal but once the payment schedule has been sorted everything will be ok.

^without the CC

Tell him. I got divorced because my husband hid his debts from me. If he had been upfront and honest we may have been able to work through it, but he hid it, lost my trust and it couldn't be gained back. He then left me with a lot of debt so I do understand. I have been upfront with my new partner and he was very understanding. This must be causing you a lot of stress, and it might help you to get it off your chest. It sounds like you have a plan in place, but I've always found Stepchange very helpful

@SquidGame thank you for understanding, yes it is stressful because I don't want to ruin things between myself and dp when everything else is so good. Everything else in my life seems to be really coming together and if I can just get on top of this debt situation I'll be in a good, comfortable financial position.

I'm hoping that in a few years once the DRO is discharged I might even be able to think about buying a place with Dp, which I could never have dreamed of a few years ago. He's the best partner I've ever had and I really see a future with him. I absolutely don't want to jeopardise that by being dishonest.

I was nervous about telling my new partner, but I explained the circumstances and he was very understanding. Showing that you have a plan in place is taking responsibility,
even if the debt isn't your fault. If he is a good guy, he will hopefully understand

You need to tell him. I was in a similar position to you years ago and when my husband eventually found out it nearly broke us. Not because of the debt, but because I hadn't trusted him enough to tell him. We got through it, I cleared all the debt but I never want to be in that position again.

I think nor teloing him the full extent of your financial troubles, before moving in was very unfair.

Whether financially linked or not. Honestly, if dp did this I would re think the whole relationship.

I would end it, if I found out by accident. Its really best you tell him.

What rate are you paying on your credit card? If it's from a bank ask them to cover it to a loan and you will save on the interest

I think I'm just nervous because money is really the only thing dp and I don't have completely in common. Dp is a very responsible person and has always been fine money wise. He's never had to struggle like I have.

He's quite frugal because he likes to save and not waste money whereas I am very frugal because I've had to be to survive. It's been utterly miserable spending so many years of my life living paycheck to paycheck with no security or safety blanket, quite terrifying actually. Although I've tried to stay positive about it, I didn't realise until recently that I've developed a kind of 'live for the moment' persona because I've literally never had any money spare. I could never think about the future because I was so consumed with being able to pay the bills today!

I'm really not frivolous or irresponsible. I definitely don't want to deliberately deceive anyone. it's just humiliating talking about all those times where I was freezing or starving. The times where I had to shop by dumping my entire penny jar into the self service machine and then having to call someone over to remove items because it still wasn't enough. I hate even thinking about it 😞

@NeverChange it's not from a bank. I've never had a CC before and my credit rating was so low I could only get a high interest one, I think it's about 27%?

My credit rating has gone up 160 points though so I'm almost at average now. That's a good sign.

It might feel humiliating to tell him, but he does need to know before you become further enmeshed and then it will involve him. Better to tell him now then wait for a mortgage application to be declined (for example)

Ouch, look for offers to switch to a lower rate card now and preferably one with an 6 month interest free period.

Given he knows about the credit card, maybe ask him if he knows where it you could switch too? (I'm not in UK so can't help)