To worry DD won't ever be independent?

[Mummabee2022]

DD aged 7, autistic, ADHD, APD. Things are really difficult, she has no ability to keep herself safe. No concept of social expectations. Is very verbal on the surface but very echoliac. Described by her peadiatrician as having "significant difficulties"

It feels a little bit like the idea of her ever living an independent life if disappearing fast and I'm so worried for her future.

Is she too young to feel this way? Is it possible to be able to tell at this point?

I focus on the today everyday but now she is 7 I can't help but feel like we are hurtling towards major developmental leaps when she developmentally is still about 4/5. Yet she is astonishingly academically bright.

Albu to worry?

She has a long way to go before that's a definite. DS, autistic but not ADHD didn't start to settle into school until he went to high school, the whole of the first 12 years of his life were a constant battle and I thought he would never be independent. He is 18 now and living at home, but goes to university. He is fine to be left home alone for a day or 2 and I have no doubts that he will eventually be able to live independently. He has taken longer to reach each 'stage' in comparison with expectation, but I let him do things in his own time and right now I'm looking at a bright and oddly sociable young man. A huge contrast from being the weird kid in primary who never gave anything back. We had no idea how academically able he was u too he was in 2nd year!!

Don't write things off for your DD, you are correct, she is very young and she has a lot of growing and learning to do

im years down the line than you and ive accepted years ago that i dont think this will ever happen for us
im 41 and for the last 17 years ive been a 24/7 carer
obviously the first 3 years you care for a baby/toddler but with both boys they never gained the skills to look after themself
(tmi here but im still bathing and wiping bottoms)
i have a 17 and 11 y old with many complex disabilities each.
both need 24/7 care both home educated so i dont even get the "school" break
im also a solo parent

i spend all my time caring for either or educating them
not sure if this is irrelevant but they are big boys that im bathing and still dressing.
17 y old 6ft 2
11 y old 5ft 4
both between 10 and 11 stone. i am big for a female as im 6ft.

both of mine got to 4/5 mentally and stayed there

You might be looking down the wrong end of that telescope to the future.

  Seven yr olds commonly  have  no clue how to keep themselves safe,   limited grasp of social expectations,   poor self control,  exhibit echolalia endlessly.   It's just  what seven yr olds do.  

I've taught countless children in primary schools whose development didn't correspond to their age , in all sorts of different ways; intellectual, educational. social , emotional, physical, and they were all making their way through ordinary primary school at their own speed. Often in fits and starts, forwards and backwards, and surprising directions. This is how childhood goes.

    Enjoy her  natural sevenyearoldness ;  childhood is  so short.  Don't spend it looking ahead,  enjoy  it now.

YANBU to worry. I've been there. My DS had a similar profile and diagnosis at that age. Even late into secondary school I struggled to imagine a capable and independent future but now at nearly 18 with two years of college under his belt he's made progress I couldn't have imagined.

Not all plain sailing by any means but I can see how far he's come and envisage the possibility of a good future. The biggest changes have been in the last two years, there's a maturity that wasn't there before. He is still behind his peers but I do think he might eventually catch up to some extent.

I feel like this OP your not alone . Hugs x

It's the thought that keeps me awake at night op. I'm scared for them, scared for me.

@2bazookas

You might be looking down the wrong end of that telescope to the future.

  Seven yr olds commonly  have  no clue how to keep themselves safe,   limited grasp of social expectations,   poor self control,  exhibit echolalia endlessly.   It's just  what seven yr olds do.  

I've taught countless children in primary schools whose development didn't correspond to their age , in all sorts of different ways; intellectual, educational. social , emotional, physical, and they were all making their way through ordinary primary school at their own speed. Often in fits and starts, forwards and backwards, and surprising directions. This is how childhood goes.

    Enjoy her  natural sevenyearoldness ;  childhood is  so short.  Don't spend it looking ahead,  enjoy  it now.</div></div>

Unfortuantly she is far far behind typical 7 year olds. It is extreme in every sense and I've never seen a 7 year old grab random male adults or kiss complete strangers. It isn't typical 7 year old stuff, it's extreme even for what you would expect of a child much younger :(

My daughter is 10 asd and adhd, she will never live independently she’s getting worse as she gets older, everyone said it will get better but it hasn’t. I can’t even take her out anymore as I can’t manage her behaviour

It is a worry of ours too. Sometimes i am upbeat and think that the brain keeps developing until 25 and independence might just look very different than how i expected. Other times i feel quite trapped and panicy about how I will support us both financially when i should retire and who will look after him when I die. My son doesnt even have personal care needs so its easier for me than many. He just needs constant 1 :1 support to function and only goes to his special school part time (where he has 1:1 support and its not even class based school, everyone is 1:1) . He is 12 but is more like a struggling 6 year old and never seems to make progress.
But puberty might bring a leap. Who knows.

I've one who is now 17, tbh not only at 7 but even at 14 I would have said he'd never be independent. Lately I'm surprised every day at how much he can manage. Yes, he'll need support, but so much less than we feared when he was younger. Don't despair. Just put in all the help you can get and be very, very patient.

Bump

Too early to say to be honest. Joint working with school is one key. The no doubt sympathetic but gloomy posts won't help you. I'd post my much more positive experience but again it's all down to the individual child/parents/ school combo, with the vast majority of that being the child.
Don't despair is all I'll say.

YANBU to worry I think anyone would. What I would say is that she will continue to develop and it would be pretty difficult now to predict exactly where she will end up development wise and when. Also, there are a whole range of options between totally independent and wholly dependent so it's not all or nothing.

I think it’s understandable to worry. I do frequently. I think most parents worry about their kids but it’s probably a lot more for those whose children have Sen. I keep focussed on that kids change so much. But I’m very prepared that my youngest will never be very independent.

Young people with complex needs can live away from parents in supported living or other care facilities or set ups with education work or similar
So yes all adults with needs can move away from home in some way
She s 7
Plan ahead in terms of information if it helps
There will be something right for her needs

YANBU to worry, not at all. But having said that, as much as you can, try to put that aside for now because she IS still young and so much can change. Even if it doesn't necessarily get better, the person she will be at 17 will be different to the person she is now so you can't, at this point, plan or worry about that specifically.

Easier said than done, I know.

@Mummabee2022..
I have just sent you a private message.... ☺ ☺

She's still so young, she has loads of time to learn, she's only a few years behind her age really. I was only just learning to speak at that age, you wouldn't know it now.

DS is 5. I am just anticipating and accepting that he won’t live independently, and anything above that will be a bonus.