When did you decide you wanted a divorce & you'd rather be on your own?

[3Daddy31982]

Just that really - when did you decide enough was enough?

Honestly - when I couldn’t even go over to my mum’s house for tea without him kicking off and physically harming me and when I couldn’t even wear the clothes that I wanted to because it exposed my bruises - that’s when I decide that the wanker wasn’t going to control my life anymore and haven’t looked back since 💪

When he said he was going to make my life unbearable….this was after threatening to rape me.

For me it was having to sleep separately from him coz his dirty habits made me feel disgusted… that on top of an already failing marriage coz of feeling “controlled”.
I was laying in the sofa crying into my pillow, as I couldn’t see the end of a dark tunnel.
I suddenly sat up and decided in that moment, that I shouldn’t be living a life like that, and it was no way to continue raising my then 3.5 year old….. I maybe couldn’t have been that brave for myself, but having dc brings out the protective mama lion in you…..
Never have looked back, now more than forty years ago.
My dc has grown into a happy, (non misogynistic) man, and I couldn’t be prouder of him… of course we had some hiccups along the way, and yes I thought I’d despair at times.
However all this time later, mc dc and I have an awesome relationship, and in a way, I’m proud too of myself, for gritting my teeth and believing in myself….
My only wish is that I could have done with Mumsnets wonderful community of supportive women to support me in my suspicions of being controlled and held down.
I’d be so glad to help even one woman or man get brave and determined enough to live their best life, whether they be a parent or not. xx

He shouted at our daughter, literally pulled her out of my arms and I was too afraid to intervene. Then looked at me like a was a piece of dirt when he came back into the room and I'd obviously been crying.

Oh God, they all sound horrendous. You all deserve a lot better. I'm glad you all found the strength to leave xx Massive hugs and loadsa love ❤

Mine is not horrific like some of the posts here

When he kept going to the pub after work instead of coming home to spend time with DS and I (I was a SAHM). To be honest I'd checked out a while ago but was staying for DS's sake. I realised then that he'd probably checked out too if he didn't want to be at home. We had a long conversation and decided to separate. Best decision for all involved and we get on great now as co parents.

The decision was a long time coming tbh, and it was just something small was the cherry on the top for me.

I walked on eggshells, mentally abused and gaslighted, he had affairs for many many years. The final straw for me was when he didn't come home one night and lied about when he had been. Which was minor in the grand scheme of things.

I think when it's time, you just know.

When I realised he was a shit husband and father

When I realised I could go on day after day after day in the relationship with him, and none of the questions in my mind would EVER go away.

I regret marrying him because leaving him hurt him so much. I should have known better. But it was absolutely amazing yo be out of it. Once I'd gone I realised just how bad I'd let things get.

Things accumulated such as constantly walking on eggshells, finding out various things he'd been up to online, the lies etc. Then one day we argued and he attacked me. That made my mind up.

The arsehole wouldn't move out until the Nisi came through and I'd proved I could pay him what he wanted for his half of the house.

When he admitted to having been snooping through my emails and Messenger conversations while I was at work, looking for evidence that I'd been having an affair. "If you had, I'd have confronted you and told you to mend your ways or I'd have to divorce you, but I was reassured, although I'm not happy that you've been slagging me off behind my back and I want you to stop it," he said. I could never have forgiven him or trusted him again after that and consulted a divorce solicitor within days. It wasn't the outcome he wanted but I've never regretted it. Whenever the Mumsnet hive mind is telling a poster to SNOOP! SNOOP! SNOOP! I think, "Be careful, that could backfire."

Mine was when he threw a set of hair clippers in a temper and smashed them. Seems strange but it was the straw that finally broke the camels back

Mine was on holiday in a caravan. Before I went I thought if he is horrible to me on this holiday I'm leaving him. About four days in he screamed at me in front of kids for something and they looked terrified.

I didn't want to take kids out of home and I wasn't leaving them behind. It took 6m to get him to leave. And I never looked back, it was 15 years ago and I'm now happily married but I was also very happy single.

I always wish I had left sooner. I nearly left when he went through my Facebook messages and found something he didn't like from before we met (he scrolled through 10 years of messages to find it) and spent two days of a holiday yelling at me about it.

I wanted to leave when I went out with friends without his permission and had so much fun without him and stayed out late (beyond the rules) and found myself locked out and in so much trouble

Only actually left and started the divorce when he assaulted me

When I realised I wanted to model a healthy relationship to my children, one in which their parents actually liked each other and showed physical affection. I felt a deep guilt that I wasn't demonstrating that to them.

When he shouted in my face and shoved me and made me feel terrified, but the next morning was waiting for me to apologise for having upset him so much.

@Waxonwaxoff0

Mine is not horrific like some of the posts here

When he kept going to the pub after work instead of coming home to spend time with DS and I (I was a SAHM). To be honest I'd checked out a while ago but was staying for DS's sake. I realised then that he'd probably checked out too if he didn't want to be at home. We had a long conversation and decided to separate. Best decision for all involved and we get on great now as co parents.

Oh hun xx better to be in excellent company

@Superduperpartypooper

When he shouted in my face and shoved me and made me feel terrified, but the next morning was waiting for me to apologise for having upset him so much.

He sounds charming! Not. Peace is valuable.

So what's your story op?

Lots of issues really. I'd tried to leave when my first was 2, but he was so awful, aggressive and harassing that I took him back as I was worried he would kill us.

I used to lie in bed with that awful feeling that something was wrong.

Then there were 2 events that made me decide to try again. The first was that I confided in someone that I planned to stay until the children left home. They were 6 and 2 at the time. Friend said that was ridiculous. I realized that there wouldn't be any gratitude that I'd stayed, it would just get more and more bitter.

Then the final event was on a Sunday evening. I was reading bedtime stories on the sofa, and my ex allowed his friend in it our house to do cocaine in the kitchen, about one and a half metres away from us.

When first chance he got he dived back into the bottle after rehab and lied about it. If he had come clean and asked to go to the first available meeting it would have been different, but he lied. It told me he was an alcoholic who was not ready for recovery despite all the support I'd put in, and so I needed to end it.

Things got a lot worse before they got better, but I've been single since January 2018 and have no plans to change that.

When I realised mg kids would think it was normal and either end up like him or married to someone like him.

I was sitting outside the house in my car dreading going in. I never knew what mood he’d be in.
Took a while to actually leave but that was when the reality hit. 13 years ago next month. I’ve never regretted it not for a second.

@3Daddy31982 so what's your story? Have you left? Are you wanting to?

the day he told me that i wasn't allowed to drop the kids at my parents and go out to a meet with friends because i had enough to time socialise when he was at work/kids were at school.

Then he accused me of cheating on him when i argued back.

Was absolutely a minor argument in the scheme of things, but 100% the final straw in my already having one foot out the marriage because he was a controlling, abusive bully.