To have pointed out it was the bike not the kid?

[GlumyGloomer]

I'm going round and round wondering if I did the right thing here. Dd got a bike for Christmas. It was a joint present from both sets of grandparents and we put in a bit too. It's a good make and dd loves it. Dd's friend has a bike, peppa pig, lots of accessories but not good engineering IMO. She's had it a while, and her parents told me she doesn't like riding it much. Her mum suggested we take both girls biking together to inspire the friend to try harder. Dd was vastly faster, friend struggling along and frequently getting upset. In my view the bike was the probable issue, so I suggested the girls swap for a minute. Sure enough friend whizzed off while dd inched along on the peppa bike. Friend's mum was gobsmacked and quite guilty that she'd put it down to her daughter being lazy. She said she was going to pump up the tires, adjust the seat height etc.
So did I do the right thing? I feel bad for embarrassing her, and I'm well aware not everyone could afford a bike like dd's (£230). At the same time it seemed so unfair to see this little girl getting the blame when the equipment was at fault. I really like the mum, she's lovely, just had a blind spot regarding this bike. Should I have kept quiet? I didn’t say the bike was rubbish, just let the kids demonstrate it.

@Triptinratbat they're in reception, dd is 5 and her friend is 4.
I'll mention it if friends mum brings it up again, thanks.

Yanbu. Those bikes weigh a ton, they are terrible.

For what your friend spent buying it brand new she probably could have got a much lighter bike 2nd hand.

You could subtley mention the kids bike rental schemes that now exist? You can get a decent lightweight bike for under a tenner a month.

You can get second hand islabikes for not much more than a brand new "toy" bike, and then sell it on again after your child outgrows it. The character branded bikes are ok for pottering around the park on, but if you want children to enjoy bike riding as exercise and a form of transport (riding to school or joining in long family bike rides) then they need a decent bike. The family I work for bought their three year old a second hand islabike for £100 for her birthday and she learnt to ride it in days, without stabilisers. By the time she was four, she was joining in on 10km bike rides.

We bought our kids lightweight, high spec bikes when they were young. After passing them down, we sold them on and got almost everything £ we spent on them back. Some bike brands do hold their value (Frogs, Islabikes, etc) and are completely worth it if you can afford the initial investment, even second hand.

YANBU

No wonder the child doesn’t like riding her bike if it’s more difficult than it should be due to the bike itself. You’ve hopefully helped stop the issue and boosted her confidence.

Definitely the right approach.

I really wanted a hybrid when I bought my first bike as an adult. DH persuaded me into a buying a mountain bike like his, though the women's version. I found it heavy and a real slog when we went anywhere and it hurt my back. I thought I was just crap at cycling. Eventually I replaced it and now have a Dawes hybrid, wheeeeee! Suddenly I can cycle, my back doesn't hurt like crap and I can actually get up hills.

I've learned over the years that DH's confidently asserted views are often based on very little knowledge.

Gosh even as teenagers, disparity in bike stuff comes up - DS has a very old knackered Luath for his paper round. It's wildly better than the bikes used by the other kids on paper-rounds. DS keeps coming home with stories about the other kids' bikes being too small, seat too low, very heavy, bits breaking off, etc. I admire those kids for trying to work, 7am starts or earlier, but they need support with at least half-decent bikes.

Sorry but why are you asking for validation from complete strangers for an everyday interaction with your friend? Or is this a humblebrag?

If you made just one parent realise that bikes aren’t toys, they are vehicles and should be chosen for their quality rather than their gimmickry, then you did a good job, OP.
My DC went to school with a child whose parents were earning 6-figure sums, and had the house and cars to match their salaries.
When the brakes on their DC’s bike failed on the way to school one morning, my DH offered to fix it at the end of the day. He did. The parents were very grateful, but expressed surprise that their DC’s brakes had failed, because “the bike cost £45.00!”
At the same time, our DC’s new bike had cost us £189.00 (DH was always insistent that kids bikes should be “proper” vehicles, with branded brakes and gears rather than gimmicks), as we were trusting them to work properly in keeping our DC’s safe!

We buy secondhand bikes until they're old enough not to be growing out of the bike all the time. Better bike for less money!

I was going to recommend the Bike Club too. We have been with them for around 2-3 years now and it's great. Dd gets a new lightweight, well made bike for around £11 a month and we just send it back for a new one when she grows.

I think you did the right thing, lots of people aren't aware that the bike can make such a difference to a child trying to learn.

Another recommendation for Bike Club here, DD was struggling with an old and heavy balance bike but took to the bike club one immediately (and it's much lighter for me to carry when she gets bored).

I remember having this same thing when we were kids. My brother was lagging behind and kept getting off and pushing his bike. We had a go to show him it wasn't that hard. And it was a bloody nightmare! If you peddled too hard the chain skipped.

You did the right thing, the girl will have been feeling terrible about herself.

ds had a ridgeback bike as his first real bike and was progressing on it great. When he grew out of it my mum and dad offered to buy him his next bike and he could barely peddle it.

It was very heavy and the pedals just didn't slide smoothly like the ridgeback.

With small children's bikes it is false economy to buy cheap when they can't use them. Good bikes sell second hand for a good price, when we bought the ridgeback (12+ years ago) for £120 it was snapped up within 2 days when we sold it used on gumtree for £60. The useless cheapo bike was £50.

It's fine. I had the same experience but I was the other mum. I just assumed all bikes were fairly equal and my son was just struggling, cut to him trying his cousins Isla bike and he learnt to ride it in about an hour! Actually the lighter frame was just so much easier to handle.

The point of that is that it wasn't rude to point out. Some people just don't know!

YANBU - I've pointed out the same to a woman being dragged round Cannock Chase by her boyfriend. Boyfriend on 2k lightweight hardtail, woman on Halfords special probably twice the weight

Decathlon do good quality kids' bikes that aren't too expensive.

And YANBU.

@MilduraS

It wouldn't have occurred to me that a bike could make that much difference so I'd be grateful.

That's exactly what my reaction was.

And it's stopped the mum blaming the poor child for the equipment!

@SpaceDetective

YANBU - I've pointed out the same to a woman being dragged round Cannock Chase by her boyfriend. Boyfriend on 2k lightweight hardtail, woman on Halfords special probably twice the weight

Well done! You see this so often! What did they say?

You definitely did the right thing. When I got dd a decent bike aged 4 it made such a difference! They had a wheels day at school and all the other parents couldn't believe a summer born baby (so still 4) was riding without stabilisers. I now tell anyone who will listen about getting a decent bike and not a peppa pig / frozen / batman etc.

My dd has the carerra cosmos range from halfords. Reasonably priced, I got her first one new (unisex colours for future) and her second and current ones (pink) second hand because I can't be sure ds will want a pink bike! The colours after the first range are a bit frustratingly stereotypical boy/girl colours but getting them second hand and then selling on (with or without ds using them) will balance it out.

DH rides downhill and his main thig when we got DD a bike was that it wasn't a BSO heavy piece of shit. She had an Isla balance bike and now rides another good brand bike. Does trails and things with us (better than I do) and loves it

It's one thing my dh was definitely right to spend a lot of money on was ds1 bike. At the time I thought it was a ridiculous amount to spend but he's cycled comfortably on it since he turned 4.
A bike has to be light enough for the child to lift apparently.