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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU advising against this 'friend'

10 replies

charlotter76 · 24/01/2022 10:18

There's a long backstory to this but I'll give a brief rundown... I got a tattoo a few years ago and got along well with the artist and went back a couple of times and we ended up becoming friends on social media. We bumped into each other at an event and became 'real life' friends and quickly became close as did our families.

I was very vocal about recommending her work post lockdown because she's self employed and a single parent so she needed the work and I thought highly of her as an artist. Her personality has completely changed recently. She knew I had work done by other artists in the past and told me (she is an actual adult) if I ever went to anyone else she would never speak to me again. As a 'joke' she snatched my phone and unfollowed all other artist accounts on my instagram. A close friend of mine got tattooed somewhere else and she didn't talk to me for a week and raged at me that I hadn't recommended her (I had, this person wanted a different style)

To be clear, she's having a bit of a mental health blip at the moment. I have had to block her on social media because she started messaging my friends and telling them I had been spreading lies about them (untrue). I ended up having to block her texts because she was sending me tirades of abuse, accusing me of things I haven't done. It seems her paranoia levels are high.

My close friends are aware of this because I have a lot going on and it was an additional stress I didn't need in my life and I also had to warn them about potential malicious messages.

Yesterday I received a message from a friend I see maybe once every few months and get along well with, letting me know she had booked in with her on my recommendation. She hasn't paid a deposit. Do I 'warn' her? As much as this woman has tried to ruin my life and relationships, she's a great artist and if this other friend goes and gets a tattoo I'm sure she'll be happy with it. Do I just politely ask that she doesn't mention my name when she goes?

OP posts:
OneSolitaryCornflake · 24/01/2022 10:20

Yes warn her. And stop recommending her

aimeemcl · 24/01/2022 10:22

I would say something. It's not like a haircut or getting your nails done, it's permanent and this woman is clearly abusive and manipulative. I wouldn't be comfortable if she treated a friend like that.

PJsAndRainyDays · 24/01/2022 10:22

If warn her too. Just say you've had a falling out but maybe don't go into all the details.

SniffMyFeet · 24/01/2022 10:24

I would ask her not to mention you.

charlotter76 · 24/01/2022 10:25

@OneSolitaryCornflake

Yes warn her. And stop recommending her
I haven't recommended her in months due to recent behaviour.

I posted the work she did on me on social media and tagged her in it, recommending her before she started behaving like this and many of my friends followed her off the back of that.

OP posts:
thebabessavedme · 24/01/2022 10:25

Warn her, I'm not sure I would be hurrying to a mentally unstable tattooist.

OneSolitaryCornflake · 24/01/2022 10:26

Ah right. Yeah you need to step in here.

charlotter76 · 24/01/2022 10:31

@thebabessavedme

Warn her, I'm not sure I would be hurrying to a mentally unstable tattooist.
Her work has never been affected by her MH problems. She is an incredible artist and very capable of putting on a 'brave face' for work and being polite and friendly to people.

It only seems to become an issue if you're close to her during one of her low/extreme paranoia periods.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 25/01/2022 18:50

Warn her, I'm not sure I would be hurrying to a mentally unstable tattooist

What an unpleasant and judgemental comment.

IncompleteSenten · 25/01/2022 19:27

Tell your friend that she's a great artist and you recommend her work but please do not mention your name at all because you have a personal issue and don't think it's a good idea for her to know your friend knows you

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