Money

[Buttonitboris]

I had a large inheritance before getting together with DH. It had caused other family members to disown me. I was very young and was relieved to share responsibility with DH. Since getting together all money had been in shared accounts. My dh has worked hard but without a massive amount of ambition. The money we have acumulated has been largely through my investment decisions.

His monthly salary has kept us going while I have concentrated on property investment, having children and taking a lead role in educating them.

Our marraige has failed in other ways. My husband has no sexual interest in me which I have come, reluctantly, to accept. To be frank, I've had a shit life and as much as I'd love a physical relationship, I am willing to sacrifice it.

My children love their dad, he's the good guy who doesn't do much, I do all the mental load. I understood that we had a partnership in other ways, we're business and financial partners. Always been 50/50. My inheritance in joint names as with everything since. Today, after 20 years, I find out his parents have opened an account in his name with a significant sum. He refers to it as his money. Is this the final straw?

I think you know deep down that it IS the last straw, from the way you write.

And what I don't think they understand is that money in his name, while you are married, is a marital asset, whatever they call it.

If you can prove certain things (such as your contribution to the marriage, both financial and otherwise, versus his) and get a great lawyer, you may even get more than 50% of all the marital assets.

I think, if it is what you want and the facts are as you describe without mitigating factors you're choosing not to mention (which would be fine but which I can't take into account obvs) you need to plan your exit carefully, don't be rash. And take enough time to find that "shit hot lawyer" as they say, sounds like you can afford it.

You mention property investments are some of these solely in your name?

If things are otherwise at a point where you wouldn’t leave, I would take an equal amount as he has from his parents and put it in an account in your own name (and tell him you have done it). I might even take more, to make the point.

If you divorced, all of the money would be seen as part of the marital pot, so it’s more the implication than the impact (if that makes sense). But I would be very unhappy with it if I was you OP, and I would let him know and expect him to explain his thinking.

He doesn't see the hypocrisy in that at all?

Was it always agreed that you split everything? Or did you just offer him half of what you have and he accepted?

Hard to say as it sounds like a shit marriage without the secret £££ betraya ltbh...
From a pure psychology perspective you are presumably getting something out of the relationship (security, companionship, ability to feel superior due to his uselessness, father for kids etc. )

How much ££ is it relative to yourself/ your inheritance?
Is yours life changing or 500k? Etc

He may well be entitled yo your money during rolength or money and you can't touch his. If its very new. You need proper financial advice from a specialist.

I would very quietly be looking at my options.

Gah this phone!!

He may well be entitled to your money due to length of marriage yet you can't touch his if its very new. You need proper financial advice from