Is it petty to change my sons surname to mine?

[pistachi0nuts]

So me and partner of 5 years have a 2 year old son, we are not married, we talk about it but have a feeling we won’t be married any time soon as we have a lot going on right now. We’ve been living with his parents for a year whilst waiting for a house purchase to go through and it’s started getting to me how one-sided my sons family seems to be- he is much closer with my in-laws and my partners nieces and siblings and every time I hear them say his full name it makes me a bit annoyed. It’s like he is all theirs and not mine or my family’s. If we do ever get married I will not take their family name so me and my son will always have a different name. I guess I just wondered if it would look bad for me to change his surname? When we registered him I was still so traumatised by childbirth I wasn’t really thinking ahead. It’s just something that doesn’t sit right with me and feels so old fashioned. I’m the one who birthed him after all!!

You will need his permission, I’m guessing he’s on the bc

Giving him your name isn't petty.

Living with them and then getting arsey that your child is closer to them than your own family, is petty.

Also, you can't just unilaterally change his name, I don't think. You need to look into it.

Hi yes I should clarify, sorry. My partner is fine with it. I’m just worried about upsetting his family who make a big deal about their family and their name.

If he's on the birth certificate you both need to be in agreement for it to be changed.

If dad has PR and is on the birth certificate, both of you need to agree to change his name. Not your single decison.

@pistachi0nuts

Hi yes I should clarify, sorry. My partner is fine with it. I’m just worried about upsetting his family who make a big deal about their family and their name.

No issue then.

I do think your reasoning about having them being closer, when you have lived them is petty.

But do agree that it's old fashioned. They may be offended or not. Or raise an eyebrow.

It probably will feel like a bit of a slip in the face. They let you live there and then you decide their name isn't good enough for your child.

But it's your child. Yours and dp decision.

If he says it’s fine this isn’t even a question, sooner the better

As someone who's mum did this - it made my life very hard as an adult! On every form I've had to do, DBS checks, employment checks, university applications etc I've had to state I've had a previous surname, and provide proof (signed / stamped documents) which has been an absolute nightmare.

Oh that’s helpful to know, thanks!

I think if he's under 1 you can change without having to mention it on everything. I'd go for double-barrelled in your position.

Just seen he's 2, doesn't matter. Do it anyway.

You've been like bing with them a year it's getting to you how your sons family is so one sided

It's totally of your own making.

I think it's a huge insult to change your sons name.

Double barrel?

If he's in agreement there is no issue at all. Just do it.

If they don't like it its tough.