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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find driving scary?

27 replies

Tootbeep · 23/01/2022 13:53

I passed my test a few years ago in London, first time with one minor. However, I never really drove as public transport was so good. Now I live in a small town and have a baby and a toddler and really want to be able to get out and about more, but I find it so scary, especially with kids in the car. I've been trying to practice more, but part of the problem is that our road exits on a busy A road and there are so many parked cars on one side that visibility is really poor and I'm terrified of pulling out in front of someone I haven't seen. I don't feel like I'm an unsafe driver but I'm not at all confident, get stressed out by people behind me and feel rushed. I feel like I'm so hyper aware of everything around me when I drive, that it becomes exhausting and stressful, so I put it off, then I become more anxious. Geting an automatic car has helped massively, but I still stress about parking and getting stuck somewhere. I feel so pathetic. Will it get better? Anyone been in a similar position and got over their fear? Any tips? Thanks.

OP posts:

negomi90 · 23/01/2022 13:58

Time. The more you do it, the easier it will get.
Also I find that having the sat nav on helps, even when I know the way and the roads really well. It reminds you when things are coming up and how far away they are.

FreedomFaith · 23/01/2022 14:11

Get more lessons. You can get advanced driving lessons, that would probably help.

funinthesun19 · 23/01/2022 14:13

I’m like this too. I passed in 2010 as quite a confident driver. Fully intended on getting a car but life kept getting in the way right from me passing. And because I haven’t driven since I passed, and I’m a much more anxious person now than I was 11 years ago because of a few hard life events, I now have this fear of driving.

I have actually sent off for a new licence because I can’t keep living like this where me and my children are isolated all the time. If anything it’s adding to my problems. I hope that with a few refresher lessons I can give myself that long overdue push to get driving.

funinthesun19 · 23/01/2022 14:13

12 years ago not 11.

Cheeseandlobster · 23/01/2022 14:18

I am the same op and I am about to start a job that involves more driving and on unfamiliar roads. I have huge anxiety about it but have been practicing every day. Today I got up early and drove on the motorway to a town I might need to drive to in my job and back. Its good to get used to things when the roads are quieter I think. I have also been watching youtube tutorials on parking and practising in car parks that have a quieter area. Could you do this to build your confidence?

Clairelucyr · 23/01/2022 14:21

I'm the same, I live in London and drive every day and am still a nervous driver so can't offer any advice except to say your not alone! If I didn't have 3 kids I wouldn't bother driving any where!

munchbunch12 · 23/01/2022 14:37

No advice I'm afraid, but I'm very similar. Watching with interest to see what people advise...

OneTC · 23/01/2022 14:39

Go for longer drives. If you do loads of short hops you never really get a chance to settle down and enjoy it

Dsisproblem · 23/01/2022 14:41

This is me. I don't HAVE to drive but it would make my life much more convenient. I don't know what the answer is really!

MintJulia · 23/01/2022 14:43

You just need practice OP. Get out and about at the weekends, choose times when it is marginally less busy, and build your confidence. It will soon come back.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 23/01/2022 14:45

You just need practise. The more you do it, the more relaxed you'll be.

I would suggest longer journeys too - I find you ease into it a bit more after 15-20 minutes. Why not aim to drive somewhere when you have no time pressures? Ask DH or a family member to watch the children and then just go out and drive for an hour or two. You don't even need a destination in mind.

When I first passed my test I had no choice but to drive 40 miles to work along narrow country roads. I was shitting myself but honestly, after a week or so it felt normal and I've never worried about it since.

I now happily drive myself wherever I need to go and don't really think about it anymore - driving is just second nature now :)

Original poster

Tootbeep · 23/01/2022 14:45

@FreedomFaith

Get more lessons. You can get advanced driving lessons, that would probably help.

I did get a few refresher lessons when I moved to the area, and they did help, to some extent. But I think the problem is driving on my own. I feel much more relaxed with an instructor or my husband sat next to me - it's like a crutch.

OP posts:

Original poster

Tootbeep · 23/01/2022 14:48

@OneTC

Go for longer drives. If you do loads of short hops you never really get a chance to settle down and enjoy it

I think this is a really good point. I have a couple of set journeys I do now - supermarket, town etc., but they're very short, so my anxiety never gets a chance to peak and come down. I used to enjoy driving lessons towards the end and was in the car for 1.5-2hrs. It's just an inability to push myself - I keep chickening out, making excuses, I don't know how to force myself.

OP posts:

MenaiMna · 23/01/2022 14:50

It's really important to be spatially aware and that only comes with practice. Really look at how much of the road your car takes, know how far your bonnet and boot go so that when you nose out past those parked cars you don't push too far out- just enough to get a better view. Practice parking at a quiet shopping centre, see how wide your mirrors are, challenge yourself to use narrow spaces. The more you do the better you'll get. And don't listen to music until you know you're competent pay attention to how the car sounds at different speeds. And mind your mirrors constantly. The fact you want to improve already makes you a better driver than most! Good luck.

heyitsthistle · 23/01/2022 14:56

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

slapmyarseandcallmemary · 23/01/2022 14:59

I passed 2 years ago. I will do local journeys, but don't do motorways. I find it stressful. I'm an anxious person, but it's other drivers that stress me out. I learned as I have two young kids and it is easier to take them places but I've never been confident on motorways or roads I'm not familiar with. I have become a little better the more I drive, but I can't say I enjoy it.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 23/01/2022 15:22

There has been a few of these threads and they all say the same kind of thing.
Passed test then rarely drove
Then if did was short journeys and very nervous.
My advice is go out and regularly drive doing different journeys building up to longer and longer. It’s practice and confidence and your only going to get that with more practice and going out regularly as in daily or at least several times a week.

Original poster

Tootbeep · 23/01/2022 15:32

@gettingolderandgrumpy

There has been a few of these threads and they all say the same kind of thing. Passed test then rarely drove Then if did was short journeys and very nervous. My advice is go out and regularly drive doing different journeys building up to longer and longer. It’s practice and confidence and your only going to get that with more practice and going out regularly as in daily or at least several times a week.

Agreed. Sometimes it's just nice to know there are others in the same boat. It's easy to assume that the other drivers around you are all really confident, but I'm realizing that's not always the case.

OP posts:

Sugarplumfairy65 · 23/01/2022 15:35

It's a good job you didn't say you were over 60. You would have been told that you should stop driving and hand back your license like on the thread yesterday

Original poster

Tootbeep · 23/01/2022 15:37

@Sugarplumfairy65

It's a good job you didn't say you were over 60. You would have been told that you should stop driving and hand back your license like on the thread yesterday

I missed that one!

To be fair, I was expecting a few 'nervous drivers shouldn't be allowed on the roads' kind of comments, but thankfully people have been kind and helpful.

OP posts:

jimmyhill · 23/01/2022 17:12

The more you drive the more confident you'll be.

It should be scary though, it's the most dangerous thing you're ever likely to do unless you're into so out-there extreme sport.

So if fear keeps you vigilant that'll keep you and other road users safe.

PlanetNormal · 23/01/2022 17:31

Driving is a complex skill which, like any other complex skill, requires a lot of practice to get good at it. Pre-pandemic, I drove more than 1000 miles per month, including driving on motorways every day. Now, I WFH so I drive much less, and I have noticed the difference. I now have to consciously think about doing what was previously automatic. I don’t read the motorway traffic ahead as well as I did and I find myself anticipating less and reacting more.

You need more practice to build your confidence, OP. Much more. Try booking some refresher lessons with an instructor. Go out on your own when it’s quiet and dry and just drive. In town, out of town, on dual carriageways and down country lanes. Try to drive at the speed limit where it’s safe to do so. That way, you are less likely to have other frustrated drivers on your tail.

DiscoStusMoonboots · 23/01/2022 17:42

I'm with you OP! I had my second lesson today and am exhausted - all because I got so hett up about it. I have another booked tomorrow so hoping the momentum will help me get used to things. Currently bricking it at the thought of having to go again!

Sunrae28 · 24/01/2022 08:05

Peep and creep, you need to slowly edge out of the junction until you have better visibility. If you're struggling to turn right- turn left then either turn somewhere safe or re route. Also give yourself plenty of time for the journey so you're not rushing, look up the route before on maps or street view to familiarise yourself before the trip. The things that have helped me is getting familiar routes that i feel safe driving on and noting safe places I can pull in if i get overwhelmed. As others have said the more you drive the more confident you will feel but also an advanced driving course could be beneficial

Bigassbeebuzzbuzz · 24/01/2022 08:15

I'm the same and I've been passed 20 years. From my pov I think there is alot more bad driving now. Everyone seems to be so angry in the car and doesnt understand not everyone knows the roads so might need a little more time, might need to switch lanes etc. That's not to mention the amount of people on their phones. What I found helped me was making sure I had a good idea of road layout for where I was going. Also getting a car camera. That way I knew any bad driving would be picked up by it which made me feel more relaxed. Good luck

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