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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to have a holiday in OZ

21 replies

Londonlassy · 23/01/2022 08:29

I now live in. OZ and a old university friend from the UK keeps ringing and asking to visit. She is single and has been lonely throughout the pandemic and is keen to have a sunny girly with me in holiday in Oz

My problem is the last few years with the OZ government’s strict border lockdown, homeschool & my DH key worker job have been extremely tough and the last thing I want is to use my very limited leave to have a holiday here. We have literally not been able to leave Oz in years. I really find hosting people hard work and not relaxing at all and whilst I get here desire to have a holiday here it’s not a holiday for me.

Right now I don’t need a girly holiday or visitors. I need to get away with my family and just do something nice for us but I can’t seem to explain it to my old university friend who desperately wants to hang out

OP posts:
bunsnroses1 · 23/01/2022 08:35

Meet half way? Have your girly holiday in SE Asia?

poissonrouge1 · 23/01/2022 08:38

Just say no, that doesn’t work for me this year.

Original poster
Londonlassy · 23/01/2022 08:52

@bunsnroses1

Meet half way? Have your girly holiday in SE Asia?
I couldn’t afford a holiday in Asia with her and the nice holiday I want with my family
OP posts:
LawnFever · 23/01/2022 08:53

Just be honest that you can’t do that this year, it’s perfectly understandable.

Lazydaisydaydream · 23/01/2022 08:54

It’s not your responsibility to provide her with a holiday BUT if you know her well and love her, maybe you could suggest she stays in your house while you go on your family holiday?

alwayswrighty · 23/01/2022 08:56

I'd literally just tell her 'I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me, happy to see you locally when you come but will only be able to see you for a couple of days due to work, etc'

My friend lives in Canada and my husband and I are going to go 2024. I've told my friend I'd like to see her but I've also told her I'll book a local to her hotel and we can meet up and have dinner, etc. No way I'd expect her to drop everything and have a staycation.

PicaK · 23/01/2022 08:59

Just explain you don't have holiday days.
But I think you're also saying you don't want to host her while you work or see her at the weekends.
Basically you don't want to see her.
In which case cut the friendship

ittakes2 · 23/01/2022 09:07

Just tell her sorry you have already booked a family holiday and that’s all you can afford this year.

twilightcafe · 23/01/2022 09:09

YABU
Just email her what you've posted here.
Shes not a mind reader. You need to tell her straight.

Original poster
Londonlassy · 23/01/2022 09:17

@twilightcafe

YABU Just email her what you've posted here. Shes not a mind reader. You need to tell her straight.
You are right. All I’ve heard for the last few years is how hard she’s found being single during the pandemic and the friendship is getting closer to counselling sessions. I just know she won’t take me saying no to coming here very well. Dreading this conversation
OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 23/01/2022 09:18

It's not about the location.

It's that she wants to go on holiday with you.

You can only afford one holiday and want to do it with your family.

Have you actually told her that you can't do two holidays and your choice is with your family.

She may well think that you want to go away with her as a preference

MarshaBradyo · 23/01/2022 09:20

I can see why it’s a tough one as it appears she has this as a good thing to look forward to after hellish two years but you just have to let her down kindly.

If you want a family holiday that’s pretty normal

AnnaSW1 · 23/01/2022 10:12

Just tell her. It's fine

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 23/01/2022 10:16

I would very nicely say that you can only manage one holiday this year, and with all the restrictions over last couple of years you are all really looking forward to a family holiday this year so not able to do a girly holiday. A good friend would understand.

Ionlydomassiveones · 23/01/2022 10:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Beginit · 23/01/2022 10:23

You should have put your foot down earlier and so you should apologise to her you weren't clearer early on. She will be confused.

Also what happens if she comes to stay but you don't take any time off? Could that work?

twominutesmore · 23/01/2022 10:26

I wonder whether she really just wants to come and stay with you but doesn't want to sound too cheeky, so is framing it as an opportunity for you both to have a girly holiday together.

I think I'd say that I couldn't manage a holiday this year but that you would be very happy for her to visit and stay with you for a week.

Obviously, I'm assuming that you wouldn't mind her staying for a week, but I would be happy to do that for an old friend that I hadn't seen for a long time.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 23/01/2022 10:35

How is she even planning to get to Australia at the moment? There are so many hoops to jump through and I would be worried about borders closing at the drop of a hat.

Are you close enough to be honest with her? (If she wants to go on holiday together, you probably are). I’d say ‘I have limited holiday and time and money at the moment so I have to prioritise a holiday with my family’. And if you want to soften the blow ‘you know I would jump at the chance to have a girly holiday with you if I could’.

Original poster
Londonlassy · 23/01/2022 12:18

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I think a difficult phone all is ahead

OP posts:
twilightcafe · 23/01/2022 12:23

You have good reasons for not doing this holiday.
You'll feel much better once you've told her.

Dishwashersaurous · 23/01/2022 13:53

You just need to talk to her. And ve Crystal clear that you don't want a holiday with her.

If she comes to Australia on holiday herself then obviously you will see her for an evening or two or even a weekend. But you will not use annual leave to do so

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