To let DD watch videos while eating

[AliveAndSleeping]

I've posted previously about DD's weight gain issues. We've done all the tests to rule out any physical issues so I can only assume that her lack of weight gain is due to her just hot eating enough. It has to be psychological. Maybe we inadvertently did something (nagged her) and just created horrible food associations.

I think we have tried everything now: no pressure, lots of pressure, rewards, timer, games, giving her full control, etc. What worked best was using a timer in addition to a reward (aka punishment) but I don't like the reward thing and we still had to nag and keep warning her that she would lose the reward if she didn't eat.

I've started letting her watch videos while eating her dinner. I don't like it cut she does eat a lot more with them (though still not tons) and it means she actually looks forward to dinner. I still have to remind her to eat. I've resisted for 5 years but I don't know what else we can do. A lot of our friebds did this and they've got strong and healthy kids now.

I'm worried about how we'll stop again though (and if it's enough to get her to put on some weight). Ds will soon start solids and it's definitely not a habit I want to continue with him. (thankfully he's growing well so far).

Am I creating a video Monster? Will she ever be able to just enjoy a meal (even without her bloody parents nagging all the time)?

Does anyone have any experience of this ending well?

Are you keeping a close track on what she's eating? How much less is it than she needs? Is it amount or type of food i.e
will she eat if it's something she likes?

Our daughter (early teens) has ARFID, and has had disordered eating for as long as I can remember. Fortunately she doesn’t have issues around weight, but it is still all highly stressful so I understand only too well how you have ended up here. I’m definitely of the view that you do what you need to, and forget societal pressures to ‘do the right thing’. Our daughter eats most happily on her own, watching YouTube etc, so that’s what we do. When guests are round we all eat together and she copes fine, but she’s definitely more likely to reject food or eat less. Like you, we’re very focused on not adding to her stress or distress around food/eating. I think it worth allowing her this comfort if it solves the issue of not eating enough. You can look at changing habits later on when she’s healthy and in a better place.
Are you in any eating disorder groups? We found the online ARFID community a great support, even just reading rather than posting. More mainstream boards like this are full of people who have no real experience of children with eating disorders, and I find that very difficult and disheartening. Please don’t worry that watching some videos is somehow wrong or a bad habit.

@NuffSaidSam

Are you keeping a close track on what she's eating? How much less is it than she needs? Is it amount or type of food i.e will she eat if it's something she likes?

Yes, we are monitoring what and how much she is eating. Even if she likes something she won't eat enough of it

Thanks. Are there any arfid forums you would recommend?

You do what you can to encourage her to eat. If that's watching videos then for now she watches videos. Don't even think about the future now. You've found something that helps so just go with it. I'm I a very similar situation. I know what it feels like, but stop with the mum guilt and go with the flow.

@AliveAndSleeping

Thanks. Are there any arfid forums you would recommend?

It was on Facebook - I think it was Selective Eating and ARFID parents’ group, or something like that. I’ve not been in it for a few years so I can’t remember exactly.