Keeping up with the ‘jones’

[Beth856]

The pandemic made me assess lots and I’m questioning why I would want to work my butt off for the next 30+ years just to achieve what other people perceive as success.

When I say ‘perceived success‘ I mean 4+ bedroom houses, new cars, fancy holidays etc. All the stuff it seems like generally you ‘should’ aspire to. It just feels a little empty TBH.

Genuinely considering just getting some part time jobs and having lots more free time to relax/see family and friends/be outdoors/do inexpensive hobbies.

We own 50% of our small but ‘big enough for our family’ house, own cars outright, and have a small mortgage of

YANBU but make sure you have an adequate pension provision

YANBU

You do you and let everyone else please themselves.

YANBU

I think the last couple years has made a lot of people reevaluate what constitutes as 'living' and many have seen that working 40+ hours a week ain't it

Go for it!

I think the precariousness of the last couple of years has made plenty of us re evaulate our lives and priorities.

Of course YANBU. You have to find what motivates you and what gives you a sense of satisfaction and purpose in life.

YANBU. More and more people are starting to notice the ridiculous nature of the system we find ourselves in. Avoid advertising and enjoy your life.

Be very careful about "just getting some part time jobs". It might not be that easy, and you might end up working just as hard for less, with less security (and what if you get ill or something?).

YANBU to have a rethink, but bearing in mind you still have half your mortgage to pay off, it may be more of a medium term goal.

YANBU OP.
But FYI this ‘Jones’ stuff is fake.
Most people can’t have everything (house/cars/holidays). Most people want money to make life easier/better. Household help, kids’ activities etc.

Work as much as you can and save rather than buy cars etc. That way you have margins- you can reduce hours or change job.

It’s your life, if you live for the things that matter to you , you instil your life with meaning and give yourself and the people connected with you a better chance at happiness.
And your kids will learn this skill too.

@LovelyBitOfSquirrelInTheWirral

YANBU

You do you and let everyone else please themselves.

This

Good for you and do not judge others when doing what they want.

YANBU

A decade and a half ago, I spent months in a mum and baby hospital (as I was incredibly poorly both pre and postnatally.)
When well again, I stopped putting pressure on myself to try to achieve more and more career wise, and I worked on my confidence, to become far less bothered by what other people think. (Both were definitely the precursor to becoming unwell.)

My current part time roles would be classed as lower income, but we are ok money wise; I am good at (and enjoy) what I do; I spend lots of time with my family and friends; and I haven't been under the mental health service for a very long time.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

I always feel sorry for people who live their lives keeping up with the Joneses, it's like they have no self worth and they are never happy and content, always striving to better their neighbours or friends, we have them in our little cul de sac.

There is nothing wrong in working for things you would like, but to do it to look better to others or competition is just really sad and unhealthy.

I think this cause so much trouble for people mental health, especially on our society with social media as it is, it's dangerous for children to see this competition.
It should be drilled into children to be their own person, not to be compared to anyone else, not to want to achieve things or obtain things based on others but on your own desire.

Oh and IMO you can never buy back time, so if you can use it to spend with your family now, I would.

I would only want a posh house and car if I could comfortably afford them without sacrifices. The day I had to work more hours than I wanted to or go without the things that make my life fulfilling would be the day I downsized and got a cheaper car. (That day came in 2008, and I've been happy as a clam in my little house, travelling, treating myself and DC, having lovely holidays and lots of fun times ever since!)

Thank you all, good advice 😃 not judging people at all who want those things (I certainly did until the last year)