To whinge and stamp my feet about this?

[JustWantToSayGoodnight]

I won’t because I’m over 30 and not a toddler but it doesn’t seem fair!

I have a DD aged 6 with my ExH. She goes to his EOW for 24 hours.

Twice per week he has video calls with her, I facilitate this, set up the call, and let them chat. I give the occasional hint when DD is stumped by what to say so for example “Why don’t you tell daddy which book you picked from the library yesterday?” but basically leave them to it.

All contact is court ordered.

The CAO says that I should be able to speak to DD for up to 30 minutes on the Saturday she is with her dad.

The video calls where added when we went back to court for a variation last year but where added to take into account DDs wishes. She told the cafcass worker lady who came to school that “I would like to talk to daddy more often, even if it’s on the screen (she means her tablet)” and “I’d like to say goodnight to mummy and my cat when I’m with daddy”.

Except ExH never lets me talk to her on his Saturday. His excuse is always “I forgot sorry” or “We were eating until late” or “We were out” basically he doesn’t want me to speak to her. I know that.

We split due to his violence and control. He doesn’t pay any maintenance, so that plus the cideo calls is the only way he still has control over my life.

I know it’s only 24 hours I’m without her, but it was what DD wanted. And it bloody hurts that he’s ignoring what she wants to get one up on me. She’s back tomorrow, but she’ll ask me again why I didn’t call her. I’m always available, I’ve told ExH he can tell me what time to call, I will only make it 5 mins etc. he says yes then he never answers if I call.

I am probably very UR. Sorry

Go back to court. They need to know he is breaking the order. It could get worse if you don't challenge his behaviour now.

Get to your solicitor and get this all sorted out.

He’s being controlling again and it’s negatively affecting the child so it’s not acceptable.

1. Set up an alarm on her tablet (install an app if need be) and yell your DD "When this goes off I am going to call you/it is time for Daddy to connect you".
2. As pp said, teach her how to call you. With a phone or the tablet, bit if ex is tricky with wifi get her a phone. She doesn't need to be able to read...just to recognise App icons, your photo and to press the green phone.

Unless you report him for breaking the court order then you have wasted your time getting one in the first place.. It is there to protect your dd. So get on it!!

He’ll just take it off her though..

Thats two court orders he has breached then. Take him back to court. He is a violent and controlling man who, after supervised contact ended, has started to again be controlling. Next comes violence.
And also this:

I would stop helping their conversations once DD has ran out of things to chat up about let her hang up.

I know it’s what your DD wants but I think she needs to be told that she can’t do this - it’s 2 nights a month.

Giver her an extra kiss before she goes and tell her it’s for when she goes to sleep and then say see you tomorrow.

He should have to answer in court as to what he lives on if he's not claiming benefits and he says he's not earning anything. His bank account should be looked at.

I agree.
Surely every partner would say they don’t earn anything else.

@WonderfulYou

I know it’s what your DD wants but I think she needs to be told that she can’t do this - it’s 2 nights a month.

Giver her an extra kiss before she goes and tell her it’s for when she goes to sleep and then say see you tomorrow.

@WonderfulYou I'm starting to get to the point that it's not a hill worth dying on tbh, I've been to court twice now with him, he clearly doesn't care what the courts say and isn't going to follow it, so I might as well let it lie.

@WonderfulYou

He should have to answer in court as to what he lives on if he's not claiming benefits and he says he's not earning anything. His bank account should be looked at.

I agree.
Surely every partner would say they don’t earn anything else.

@WonderfulYou But he won't. I couldn't live with myself if the roles where reversed and he was having to feed and clothe DD and I didn't contribute.

Just tell DD that you call but Daddy never answers and you don't know why that is.

Would be interesting to see if answers is mobile around her bed time if you called from another number!

But he won't. I couldn't live with myself if the roles where reversed and he was having to feed and clothe DD and I didn't contribute.

Me neither.
Some people are so desperate to punish their ex that they don’t care if their child suffers too.

@RandomMess

Just tell DD that you call but Daddy never answers and you don't know why that is.

Would be interesting to see if answers is mobile around her bed time if you called from another number!

@RandomMess I might try that actually, call him from another phone, my parents have both changed their numbers since I split with ExH so he'd not have either of them in his phone.

You just need to take this back to court OP.

and things like Mother’s Day - don’t die on that hill. If it falls on his weekend then just celebrate the wkend before or after. Don’t allow him any control over your life or happiness. Likewise if Father’s Day falls on your weekend, don’t facilitate it. If you’re not asking for favours then you have no reason to grant him any in return.

For me it would be raising this as failure to stick to the court order, every single time.
He can claim to have forgot once or twice but if you keep evidence of it for months on end then that’s a breach of the order.
You could arrange for your solicitor to send a letter to reaffirm the arrangements?

The Tax office would be interested in knowing what none he is living off. A quick call to the tax evasion helpline may assist CMS find his income later this year. They will investigate what he is living off.

Income not none

www.gov.uk/report-an-unregistered-trader-or-business

They have a website to report such matters