To ask my ex and dds dad to look after his dc so I can take a break away?

[notsignedupforthis]

For context dc are 10 and 5 with the youngest being asc so any break however short is a godsend. I've asked him to have dc for 5 nights during school hols.
It's pricking my conscience that I really should be working. In his words "I'm really not happy that I have to take my holidays just so you can have a break".
He usually has dc 3 overnight stays per month on a weekend and most Sundays for 5 hours.
Hopefully this isn't too outing!

Not unreasonable at all.

So...you're asking if it's unreasonable to expect the other parent of your joint children which you decided to have together to have his children more than 10% of the time on one occasion? Whilst you normally have them 90%. Why would you think this isn't reasonable?

Thanks for the reassurance @catnuzzle I was a bit taken aback at first but this is the first time I've asked for help so I can specifically have a break in 3.5 years.

Would he not usually have them in the school holidays anyway??

I take it no, I think you need to come with a plan with him to share childcare in all school holidays

My ex has a history of financial and emotional abuse. He was rarely at home. My youngest wasn't a good sleeper and I suffered badly from chronic sleep depravation. At one point when he set up the wobbly work bench with the spinning blade on to make kindling I actually thought he was trying to kill me.
Writing this down it sounds nuts but after getting help I know he was just a man who took enjoyment from watching his partner and children struggle.
Thing are much better now thankfully.

And yet he has a break multiple times a month 🙄

He’s a twat.

"I'm really not happy that I have to take my holidays just so you can have a break".

Does he think that you should never get a break?

I hope that you can get the break that you need

I'd reply, "The great thing about you being me ex is, I don't care about your happiness in the slightest. I do, however care about my children, who you have never taken care of in the holidays in 3.5 years,and who would like a relationship with their father, however inadequate he is. "

Did you have to tell him it was for a break? Next time say it's for work?

I fear you may have to look elsewhere for help if he is a man who wants you to suffer .

Thanks @NotTheGrinchAgain. I seriously need some good come backs. I'm quite live and let live so when he comes at me with things like this I'm always on the back foot.
He is utterly convinced that his perspective is right and justified.
He does have them for 5 nights during the summer hols but this has always been so I can work and reduce my childcare costs.

He should have the kids in the holidays and what you do while he does is none of his business

@NotTheGrinchAgain

I'd reply, "The great thing about you being me ex is, I don't care about your happiness in the slightest. I do, however care about my children, who you have never taken care of in the holidays in 3.5 years,and who would like a relationship with their father, however inadequate he is. "

This is brilliant!

So his issue in having the DC isn't because its for 5 days as he does anyway...his issue is because you are not spending that child free time working as usual but instead relaxing/doing something for yourself?

Hes a twat.
You are doing nothing wrong.

He sounds like a useless excuse for a father, how sad that he doesn’t actively want more time with his children. But in that note, perhaps it would be better not to mention you needing a break but that it would be good for the children?

That's exactly it @CrossStitchQueen. I really didn't think he gave that much of a crap what I did.

Is he for real? He gets 90% of his time child free and he’s objecting to having them for 5 nights! I would just thank him and carry on.

He should be having them for 5 nights because they are his child..