Would your husban's friendship with a younger woman bother you?

[Thoranddrjones]

My friend confined in me today that her DH has a friend who is twenty years younger than him whom he treats like a peer and that their friendship bothers her.

Background

He was originally friends with her mother and now her mother lives in another country and he's continues the friendship with the daughter. I have met her before in their house, and she seems lovely. But it seems that my friend has reservations about the friendship and thinks it's inappropriate.

The only thing I can offer being single myself is that whether this woman makes an effort to be friendly and know my friend and form a relationship given she spends time in her house.

AIBU to think her own insecurities are playing with her mind here? My friend is a new mum and May be feeling a bit insecure in herself?

What do you think?

I think perhaps the younger girl (woman) sees him maybe as a surrogate uncle?

I think your friend is perhaps feeling a little vulnerable and maybe needs your support in seeing that it is perhaps that kind of friendship, unless she has other ‘evidence’.

If I were the wife, I’d be fairly suspicious that he had developed inappropriate feelings for the younger woman. It’s really, really common.

As a single woman, being friends with a married man is never straight forward.

If the dh was good friends with her mother, she may look to him as a fatherly figure. What ages are we talking here as if you friend just had a baby we aren't talking 60 and 40 type of thing.

If the dh is secretive about it, I'd be suspicious. If he talks about her non stop, I would be suspicious about that as well. Anything in between, I'm not sure I'd jump to any assumptions.

@Notmrsfitz

I think perhaps the younger girl (woman) sees him maybe as a surrogate uncle?

I think your friend is perhaps feeling a little vulnerable and maybe needs your support in seeing that it is perhaps that kind of friendship, unless she has other ‘evidence’.

That's my thinking. I also don't want to plant any unnecessary suspicions based on no evidence that would spiral her further in feeling insecure.

I must say, I have never known her to be a jealous type- known her since we were kids. I text her husband on occasions when making arrangements to visit them etc and know several of our women - single and otherwise who are good friends with her DH and it has never been a problem. So this has stumped me and made me a bit conscious about boundaries myself. If that makes sense.

@isthismylifenow

As a single woman, being friends with a married man is never straight forward.

If the dh was good friends with her mother, she may look to him as a fatherly figure. What ages are we talking here as if you friend just had a baby we aren't talking 60 and 40 type of thing.

If the dh is secretive about it, I'd be suspicious. If he talks about her non stop, I would be suspicious about that as well. Anything in between, I'm not sure I'd jump to any assumptions.

Thank you, that's why I feel conscious about perhaps setting boundaries myself. To your point, he's mid forties and we are both mid thirties.

It sounds to me that she has a gut feeling about this and I think she would be 100% right to trust her gut.

@Notmrsfitz

I think perhaps the younger girl (woman) sees him maybe as a surrogate uncle?

I think your friend is perhaps feeling a little vulnerable and maybe needs your support in seeing that it is perhaps that kind of friendship, unless she has other ‘evidence’.

Thank you. No other evidence that I know of, I did ask. Except when she visits them they go on walks together but that's just normal behaviour in my opinion when you have visitors! Surely.

A topic I saw the other day might have some relevance here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4455231-AIBU-over-friendship-with-male-colleague

Long story short, the poster was a young woman who was friends with a male colleague twice her age and viewed it as entirely innocent but the male had lied to his partner about ever having social contact with her and it led to the breakdown of both relationships.

(though I think in that case the man had something to hide!)

So the hubby already has a habit for much younger women and now that there is a newborn he thinks it’s a good idea to make a friend of even younger woman.

Yeah, sure, it could be innocent, but this is just such a cliche….

@IDontEvenWantToAnymore

So the hubby already has a habit for much younger women and now that there is a newborn he thinks it’s a good idea to make a friend of even younger woman.

Yeah, sure, it could be innocent, but this is just such a cliche….

My thoughts too.