I'm easy going, so don't expect people to all share similar standards or needs, but feel I am approaching end of line with DP of 25 years.
It all just caught up and hit me in the face recently. So, here are the issues.
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He never bathes or showers unless I really push it. Usually once per month, always excuses, but does insist he 'cleans' himself regularly (thankfully he is excessively careful of teeth).
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Barely any sex life, had low performance confidence and over years it froze me out as i would often get punished for it. I have given as much support as i could but in recent years i am worn out with that so we don't do much. It just sort of slid out of existence, to be honest. If i bring it up i will def get the blame somehow.
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Never ever wants to go anywhere or do anything with me. Never suggests an idea or interest.Ever. I take us on a long holiday (only in UK) each year but he would never mention such things if i didn't.
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He earns less than me, not an issue, but I pretty much pay for everything. He has his own shopping lists like a bachelor and rarely wants to share things. He chooses deliberately shit shops to purchase food from and we rarely eat together due to this. I love to cook us up fabulous meals (i love sharing my cooking) and he is appreciative but doesn't really seem to care. He is also same with booze - can only have his own and never shares a bottle.
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No maintenance whatsoever: I bought most of the appliances and household goods, tv, vacuum, etc. Over years whenever something is faulty he insists there is a way to 'game it' or it has a long life yet. Usually it will just conk out soon after. Carpet behind front door used to leg me up dangerously when coming in, i was told i was 'walking over it incorrectly'. Everything is allowed to deteriorate and nothing is put by to maintain stuff, so when things break i replace them as i don't want to trouble him for money when he has little of it. I wouldn't mind this if he had a sense of caring for things but since he never buys them he doesn't value them i guess.
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No shared plans or goals with me. My name isn't even on tenancy because he doesn't like change. We are middle aged, this will likely not change.
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Can't smell stuff. Not a medical issue and he doesn't have depression. So often, stuff will get left in bin in kitchen for too long and stink the house out, or he doesn't notice his hair or clothes smell. I gently alert him but i can tell he resents me for bringing it up. What do you even do with that? He is a handsome guy but wont replace clothes. Over years i have had to buy them :( I bought him some great stuff but again he lets it wear right out.
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Isn't interested in making any kind of will or instruction for if anything bad happened. Isn't interested if i do either.
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He doesn't communicate much, often forgets to tell me stuff like a friend is in hospital, he has an appointment, etc. I seem to do most of the fixing, talking and emotional stuff. If i try to communicate about any of the above he would get either angry or feel picked on. It's so tricky.
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Because of stuff not getting cared for, the house is really awful and ugly. Not in a bohemian way, but just depressing. I can't do much about it as i am not the owner, and things that are old, broken don't get reported. He finally started decorating (to prove a point) two yrs ago and stopped half way through. Everything is ramshackle, badly put together, damaged or dirty. I honestly can't keep trying to change this as it is like dealing with a brick wall. I just want to run away at this point to be honest, having invested so much with no return. I didn't grow up like this and don't know anyone else who lives like this. He makes me feel like a snob if I bring it up.
Even though we didn't marry or have any kids, i don't think i should feel this 'single' either. There's a lot of love and trust, but I just don't feel like much of these are normal, even though normal is very subjective.....
Perhaps we are incompatible. That's ok. There are many great things but obvs i have not written them here. But i feel the balance is so off as i get older that this list is like a dealbreaker. Surely i am not U for feeling there should be more to life than this?
I keep waking each day, the past few months, and there's this rush of feeling and a voice in my head yelling at me to get out, to start again, to not put up with it anymore.