AIBU to feel sad at others joy in pregnancy

[Sjmc16]

Hi all, this may be best placed elsewhere, so sorry if that’s the case!

Myself and my husband have been together for 8 years and married since October. I’ve always been vocal about wanting children.
We agreed to wait until we were married to try but this was supposed to happen spring 2020 and then spring 2021 (postponed due to covid) and we finally got married in October last year. With each postponement I agreed to carry on waiting to start TTC (not happily but agreed as it’s a mutual decision)

Now we are married but husband wants to wait until after we’ve had a big holiday/honeymoon to America which is currently planned for March BUT we have nothing booked as it’s all on me to organise.

In December I got pregnant as we weren’t being careful and it ended in a heart breaking chemical pregnancy.

So now I’m in the position of wanting what I’ve always wanted but with the added pain of what I went through, but I’m still waiting to do things on his terms.

I keep seeing people in our group of friends who have been together for a fraction of the time we have get pregnant and all parties be over the moon and it makes me feel angry, sad and jealous and I hate myself for it.

AIBU to push what I want again and express how sad I feel atm?

Yes tell him what you want. There are two people in this relationship. Why is it always what he wants? And what you want is sidelined?

How did he respond to your December pregnancy?

Do you want to go on the big massive honeymoon? March isn't far away so if he wants it he should be sorting it out with you for a start.
Personally if you're on the pill I'd stop as it must make it harder knowing you're preventing something you want so much.

It doesn’t sound like he wants children. What makes you think he does?

How old are you both?

How old are you?

Hi all, I’m 33 and DH is 31. He has said he wants children but is put off at the thought of life changing so much hence wanting to have the honeymoon as a last hurrah to us together in a way which I do understand. This is why I get frustrated as he tells me he wants it but we’re out on hold a lot.

I’m not on the pill currently, and in December with the pregnant he was supportive and happy but very scared again (which is normal!)

We have a great relationship and are open with each other so I understand his reasons, I just don’t know how much to push my case as he has been open from the start about waiting and it’s more me being so placid about it all which allows it to continue I suppose...

Also I’ve changed my username, doesn’t look like it’s updated on the original post which is confusing!

Your problem is your husband. Other people having children or not is irrelevant in all honesty

Why does it have to be on his terms and postponed for a holiday that isn't even booked?

I don't think a lot of men realise that even healthy couples are advised it could take up to a year to conceive. Maybe explain to him the logistics of it as well as were you are emotionally. May open him up to the reasonable idea of stopping preventing pregnancy and just seeing what happens.

Is he using condoms?

It will never be the ‘right time’ to have a baby, he will never ‘feel ready’. You need to make it clear you want a baby and to get pregnant now rather than all this waiting - and be prepared to leave if he tries to stall again and again.

Life will change whenever you have kids, there is genuinely no perfect time. For example him wanting the last big holiday together - absolutely fine, but holidays with kids are great for different reasons and he'll find different things to love about a family holiday.
I'm all for respecting others' wishes, but I think he's disregarding your wishes, perhaps subconsciously. It seems like you do need to explain how you feel and see what he says.

Organise your trip in March and enjoy a last big holiday.

It's just over 2 months away. That's nothing. Time it with your fertile window and boom hello Xmas baby lol.

I agree you should try on the honeymoon! So say to him you’re coming off contraception now, use condoms in Feb and ready to try in March.

You would be silly to wait any longer. We started trying when I was 30, many rounds of ivf later and only pregnant now at 36.