Who is reasonable to contact regarding safeguarding.

[marinas20061]

It breaks my heart to have to post this but I'm at a loss.

My friend suffers from manic depression and things have been getting significantly worse. She separated from her husband 6 years ago and met a new partner very quickly and was extremely happy with him. It was her decision to leave her ex but she was very unhappy when he moved on with a woman who is 15 years younger than them. The new wife is unkind to their two children (12 and 14) and since they got married the children refuse to stay with their father.

My friend and her partner split last year and her depression has been so much worse. I don't live close by but when I have been there, the house is filthy and there's no food in the cupboards. Her extended family are dismissive of her mental health problems and don't live close by so she isn't checked on often.

I haven't been in her home for three months now and she's avoiding my messages. They have several pets and the animals are now defecating all over the house and it isn't being cleaned up so they had a serious fly infestation. Her children do basic household tasks but they live in an isolated area and they are unable to pick up things like cleaning products and shampoo etc as no local shops. They love their mum very much and they worry about her a lot. She will stay in bed for days at a time.

The final straw for me is that her DD is having some sort of breakdown at 14. She is refusing to go to school a lot (I think because she doesn't want to leave her mum home alone) and suffering extreme anxiety because of all the changes in her home life plus the pandemic. She's not sleeping well and is having regular panic attacks.

My friend is not willing to engage in conversations about extra support and has completely withdrawn socially.

So my question is, who would it be reasonable to contact? DD is receiving some additional support at school because she's too unwell to attend classes and she is seen by a variety of school counsellors in the support base. DS also has frequent absences at 12 because he is concerned about leaving his mum some days.

I am loathed to contact her ex husband as he has started a new family with his new wife and sees his children infrequently. They won't go to his home and he isn't allowed in theirs (my friends rule, mostly due to the state of the house) so they go out for meals and day trips.

Or do I just keep my nose out?

This is so helpful, thank you.

I just don't want them to be scared or think that anyone is going to take them away from their mum.

Hopefully you will hear from the school today, and they will tell you what action they are taking.

Nothing today so far.

I feel extra rotten because my friend has contacted me today sounding a bit more like her normal self and chatty, sociable etc. I'm scared this will tip her back into a bad place.

Nothing from either SW or the school today.

But I just noticed DD has blocked me on social media. Not unfollowed or simply removed me- blocked. I'm absolutely gutted. We had a good relationship.

I asked both the school and SW to please keep my name out of it but I'm wondering if something happened today.

I'm not sure you will hear back from the school, tbh.
Once a safeguarding situation has been raised, then it isn't discussed with anyone other than those that need to know.

If you dd has blocked you on SM, then you need to say to her 'I see you've blocked me on SM. Why's that then?' Quite frankly with teens it might be that you are just embarrassing (as we all are and are all supposed to be as parents of young teens).
Up to you how much you feel it is responsible parenting to see what she is putting out on SM and what you can do about her blocking you - up to and including removing her phone - but the odds are that it is just co-incidence.