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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make my DS 12 with dyspraxia copy out an article?

13 replies

AddingMustard · 21/01/2022 14:16

DS is a large 12. He is 5 ft 5 and last time I checked was 46kg.
Our neighbours DD's are slight, on the smaller size for their age and much younger than him. One is just turned 6, and the other is 8. They also have a trampoline.

He knows he is not allowed on their trampoline if there are any other children on it, but still every time he goes into their garden I have to call him back because at some point he is on it with them.

They invited him over and as it's the first time in a while, I thought I should remind him. We spoke, I told him he mustn't go on the trampoline with the other three (they have a friend over). He said ok. I said again he has to wait til they're off and he mustn't go on at the same time because the risk of him injuring one of the others is high as he is so much heavier than him. He said he understood and knew, I've told him before. Walked out of the house, round to their garden and Lo and behold, he is on the trampoline with them. Really bouncing on it hard with the girls on it too.

I call him back in. Tell him off, he said he went on because the others said it was ok for him to go on Hmm Gave him a talking to and showed him some pictures of trampoline injuries. I also looked up an article about trampoline safety and have told him he needs to copy it out.

Usually, I ban him from going out for a day or so, no screen time. But he has grown a lot over the past year and he could really do some damage. It seems to have no effect. He wanted to go on, so he did. Despite agreeing not 5 minutes before that he wouldn't if there was anyone else on it. He has dyspraxia, so finds writing a huge effort. But he won't listen to me, having a screen ban for a day or two doesn't drive the message home either. He is now feeling sorry for himself and refusing to write out the article because "it is scary".

Have I over reacted?

OP posts:
Tal45 · 21/01/2022 14:24

I think YABU because you are using his disability to punish him. Now he is bigger ban him for longer instead and keep a closer eye on him. Make it clear beforehand that you will be watching and he won't be going around for a week if he goes on when he shouldn't.

Original poster
AddingMustard · 21/01/2022 14:38

Now he is bigger ban him for longer instead and keep a closer eye on him. Make it clear beforehand that you will be watching and he won't be going around for a week if he goes on when he shouldn't.

A longer ban will clearly have no effect.

He knows I will be watching him, I can see the trampoline from my kitchen window.

OP posts:
trumpisagit · 21/01/2022 14:44

I am impressed he is happy to play with much younger neighbours.
He sounds like a lovely, friendly boy.

LittleOwl153 · 21/01/2022 15:09

Dyspraxics and handwriting... is it an issue? It is for my DD.

If handwriting isn't an issue then why not?

What's his learning style - writing out would do nothing for my DD because writing hurts so that is the overriding memory... reading outloud however...

Original poster
AddingMustard · 21/01/2022 15:10

They children in our block are the only children who will play with him (major benefit of lockdown!), but he could still seriously injure them if he's on the trampoline with them.

OP posts:
Beowulfthethird · 21/01/2022 15:15

It's unreasonable to give a task that he will struggle to do as a result of disability. That will make him very frustrated and he won't take in what he's writing, mainly.

A different consequence, perhaps digging a vegetable patch or something that would be good for him as a dyspraxia related intervention?

WhatScratch · 21/01/2022 15:20

Is dyspraxia his only issue?

peppaminttea · 21/01/2022 15:22

Writing out the article seems a very wrong thing to do if his dyspraxia means he has great difficulty writing/it causes him pain. I am not surprised he is refusing to do it!

I say this not only as a parent of a dyspraxic child but also a parent of a child who needed emergency surgery after a nasty trampoline accident.

In the nicest possible way, I think you need to take a few deep breaths before trying to deal with this again. Yes, trampoline accidents can be very nasty BUT they don't happen in the majority of uses AND more importantly, no harm came when your son played with the other children. You need to talk to you son and make sure he understands the dangers (from saying the article is scary it seems that he does) and arm him with some things to say and alterative play suggestions when the other children want to trampoline all together.

cherryonthecakes · 21/01/2022 15:22

Do you think that he forgets the warning , chooses to ignore you or can't resist joining the others when the other kids say "go on..."

I don't know about his disability but is a rule like "only jump if you're the only one" too vague? Say he's jumping alone and another child joins him, does he know how to deal with that ? It might be easier to have a no trampolining next door rule ?

cherryonthecakes · 21/01/2022 15:24

Writing out the article is a weird punishment. Did you ever have to write lines as a punishment ? Did you learn anything from that ?

If he can't remember your warning 10 minutes after you've said it, he's not going to remember anything he's written out. It's going to be just a jumble of letters that he has to copy out rather than words and sentences with actual meaning that sinks in

sadpapercourtesan · 21/01/2022 15:25

You're planning on using his specific ND difficulties to tailor a punishment that will be particularly onerous for him. Lovely.

Next week: wet blanket punishment for autistic children?

YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators · 21/01/2022 15:35

Copying and handwriting could be problematic on account of his disability, so that would be U.
I do get that you're frustrated. In some instances I think we may be U to expect single interventions to yield results such as DS won't join others on the trampoline. In cases like this with your DS, you may need to resign yourself to having to continue to chip away at it, repeating yourself lots before he gets it.
I understand that you were trying to protect your DN's children; might it be an idea to talk to your neighbour and ask him / her to explain to your DS why he shouldn't john their younger DC on the trampoline. Sometimes, our DC take things on board much more readily when spoken to by other adults.

Original poster
AddingMustard · 21/01/2022 15:36

Did you ever have to write lines as a punishment ? Did you learn anything from that ?
Yes. And I pretty much got through all my exams from writing stuff out over and over again.
I recognise it's not the best, but it's the only thing I came up with on the spur of the moment probably because it's what we were made to do at school! That's why I'm posting here.

Do you think that he forgets the warning , chooses to ignore you or can't resist joining the others when the other kids say "go on..."
I don't know if he forgets, he's been told often enough and if you ask him why you should only ever jump alone, he can tell you. I don't know if he's "choosing to ignore" me or "can't resist" doing what the others tell him to. Either way, he has to learn how to say no if someone tells him to do something he knows is dangerous.

no harm came when your son played with the other children
He can't have been there more than a couple of minutes before I noticed and called him off.

A different consequence, perhaps digging a vegetable patch or something
How is that related to using the trampoline? And where is he supposed to dig a vegetable patch?

It's unreasonable to give a task that he will struggle to do as a result of disability.
Yes, I know 😫

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