Treat them mean keep them keen? Opinions?

[ttcbabyk]

Hi there.
I just wanted your advice/opinion on the whole idea of 'treat him mean and keep him keen'.

Naturally, I'm quite the opposite. In fact, I've been told I'm 'too nice' without going into too much detail but my childhood meant that as an adult I've become a bit of a people pleaser and I'll go above and beyond at the cost of my physical and mental health for others.

I'm starting to notice a pattern of people becoming complacent. I've had this my whole life with my friends and family members. I'm now married, (since July) and I feel like my husband maybe taking it for granted too. He's not malicious or abusive but I feel like maybe he's become too comfortable with the fact that I'm too nice. Is this possible? Am I meant to be a little more 'bitchy'? I have friends who are slightly more on the bitchy side and their partners go above and beyond for them, they cater to their every need and in fact, they're putting up with divas!

Any experiences/opinions? Thanks!

You don't need to be mean but you do need to be firm what will/wont you put up with? Make sure your dp knows this.

The mantra I like is treat people who you would like to be treated and accept only the same in return.

How you would like to be treated*

Not that ruthless, but set boundaries, and mean it.

@AryaStarkWolf

The mantra I like is treat people who you would like to be treated and accept only the same in return.

100% When someone treats you badly / dismissively they aren't worth giving head space to.

Hmmmm I have a friend who is so laid back and overly giving/selfless with partners and she has had a bad run of men who treat her like shit. She doesn't set boundaries and expectations early due to childhood trauma and self esteem issues. It hurts a lot to see her accept many of the awful behaviours of her DP. However men like this recognise the traits they want to take advantage of and target them.

I don't believe in treat them mean as such but firm, high standards and clear expectations. DH knows I have a particular standard and believe I worth that so won't expect less. I do a lot for the family as does he, and we treat each other with love/respect.

If you play games with others, don't be surprised or upset if others play games with you.

There's no need to "treat them mean" if you like them and they like you.