To ask if you feel ‘integrated in your local community’?

[HelloKittyGirl]

Whatever the hell that even means.

I ask because we moved to a new area literally days before lockdown 1 began. Hence I’ve also used that as an excuse for not having got to know anyone locally, other than the immediate neighbours who are lovely but at very different life stages.

Now that things have returned to relative normal I’m wondering if I was just being stupid and kidding myself as I’m not even really sure how I’d meet people round here anyway! We’re on the edge of London and there its mostly commuters whose social networks are probably primarily based around work. It’s not The Archers or Postman Pat.

I’m in a city and feel quite part of the local community of our little bit of the city. There’s a community centre close by and we go to an after school club there and I know the people quite well as I went to lots of other things there before I had my youngest so we get invited to join in with them in community parades and things.

My two eldest went to the local primary and I joined in with the PTA type group that was there so I made friends through that and also lots of other parents to smile at. Two of the mums work at the local shop so I say hello there when I see them.

Our street is very friendly and I know a few of the families quite well - one of them our kids are best friends. We spend a lot of time sitting outside together in the summer while the kids play as due to its set up its very safe and quiet. We also have a Facebook group for the street so I know of some families who we don’t see out and about much. If anyone needs to borrow anything they message in that and there’s usually someone who can help out.

Yes. We moved here around 12 years ago and I do feel pretty well integrated. We know our neighbours well as well as a lot of people in the wider community. I am involved with the local school as a governor which gives me quite a lot of insight into what's going on.

I live more centrally - zone 1, I feel very integrated - but I have lived (and frequently worked close by) for nearly 30 years.
Probably took about 20 years to start feeling that way - although initially there was a lot more of a community feel around my apartment block - now more apartments rented out so more transient.
When I moved here initially, most residential housing was council/HA, and there was a lot of unwelcoming behaviour/attitudes towards "posh incomers".
Look at local community centres, volunteering with a local charity, an allotment or community garden.

Friends that live further out than me have commented on their area becoming more buzzy & new venues on the high street in the last year or so - more people WFH and not commuting. Conversely, quite a lot of things near me have closed, and new businesses failing, because traditionally a lot of business would have come from people working in the area in addition to residents.

Yes. I live in a large village where a lot of people are "blow ins" so know how it feels to be new in a community. We have volunteered at our local community association, I joined the local choir which "performs" locally, and we go to events that are put on by the community. You really do have to make an effort but it is worth it.

I think the idea that villages are good communities and cities are isolating and anonymous isn’t strictly true. I’ve lived in both and found that cities have lots going on, lots of social opportunities and interest groups, plenty of opportunity to “get out there” and meet people.

I think so, although not 100% sure what that means

I know all my neighbours and we swap pleasantries

I reckon it's the sort of thing that happens in time maybe

I'm a bit odd and like to keep to myself but I also love the idea of living in an English version of Gilmore Girls 😂

We moved two years ago last week so a couple of months before lockdown. We have made friends with the neighbours and our weekends now often include visitors for a takeaway or a couple of drinks in the local pubs. Just silly things like using the local takeaway and having a drink in the pub have really helped us integrate into the local community.

Oh I live in a tiny village btw only 12 houses

I'm a foreigner and I do more in my adopted country than I did when I lived in the UK. I get involved with the local activities and therefore have many friends here

Kids, dogs, volunteering, local activities

Yes very much so. But I live in a village where there is a) a small community and b) lots of facilities for people to interact with each other - village hall and church hall, hobby-based clubs, shops, pubs, cafes, school, mother and baby group, public park and sports fields etc. I think village life tends to lend itself to that. In my experience, it's way harder if you live on a housing estate or in a town....

I moved just after covid too, and it has made it difficult. I am very rural and so far activities are still fairly on hold. But it also means that it's not too hard to become integrated - my husband's joined the fire department, for example, which has gone a long way toward getting to know people.

The kind of commuter community you mention is almost the worst for becoming integrated in my experience. The place I moved from was similar, though better than some, it just makes it really hard as people aren't around much in the day and there isn't a large amount of local shopping, hang-outs, and organisations.

But in my experience the best bet is to get involved in some sort of community groups. As local as possible. And it takes time to build up a network, I would say something like a year, maybe two if you are more introverted.

Ah, wouldn't it be lovely to be Postman Pat!

I would say yes, I do feel integrated into the local area of my city. I would say ways in which that happens is by attending community events, things like Trick or Treating where you meet other residents and things like going to local gigs or using local cafes/pubs etc. I don't know if you have DC of school age but attending school events is also good.

I live in a diverse city area where everyone is reasonably friendly, the DC play together happily, strangers chat, maybe I've a skewed view I grew up around and would know a lot of people across different generations.

I've lived in my tiny village for donkeys years. I couldn't tell you the name of anyone here as I avoid everyone.
I get leaflets shoved through the door about village events that go straight in the bin.
I'm not a people person when I'm at home.
When the kids were growing up, they had friends in the village who they also went to school with, but I avoided their parents.
I don't have anxiety or anything, I'm just an anti social cow at home.

I think it's really hard if you work to also be rooted in your local community. I made lots of connections with other mums of young children on my most recent maternity leave but they're inevitably fading now. There's definitely a SAHM 'scene'. Where I live has a lot of people at the younger end of retirement and they also seem to have a very vibrant community. It's not really clear where people are going to meet each other otherwise/in between. I tried joining a local book group (the only one of the three I could find that wasn't held during the day on a weekday!) and everyone else there was over 60, so while they were lovely and friendly it was clear I didn't really fit.

Yes, I think having young dc helps

@HardbackWriter

I think it's really hard if you work to also be rooted in your local community. I made lots of connections with other mums of young children on my most recent maternity leave but they're inevitably fading now. There's definitely a SAHM 'scene'. Where I live has a lot of people at the younger end of retirement and they also seem to have a very vibrant community. It's not really clear where people are going to meet each other otherwise/in between. I tried joining a local book group (the only one of the three I could find that wasn't held during the day on a weekday!) and everyone else there was over 60, so while they were lovely and friendly it was clear I didn't really fit.

Depends what you do. I feel more rooted in my community because of the work that I do. Though I met loads of people through dd's school as well.

As much as I want to be. I live in the suburbs of a town population circa 70,000.

I know my neighbours on either side to chat to.
I volunteer at my local Scout group and have become friends with the other volunteers I wouldn't have met them otherwise.
My husband is a member of a couple of local organisations and has made friends that way.
I know school parents to say hello to.

That's enough for me.

In my last village we were there for 9 years and didn't really get to know anyone. I think we were shunned for not having kids. In my new village we've not been here a year yet and we have made good friends - with all sorts of people including lots of parents- despite the lockdown. It's been night and day. I've just joined the village hall committee as well! Not something I ever thought I'd do, but I already wanted to put something back.

I didn’t know I had a local community until I had a baby. Suddenly I feel like I see people I know everywhere. Mainly other parents and older women who very kindly volunteer at various baby and toddler groups. Plus there are seemingly endless fairs and events going on.

It’s lovely and knackering in equal measures.

If you’re looking to meet people, the library seems a good place to find out about local groups etc.

Yup. Zone 2 of London and I can’t step out without running into 2-3 people I know. I love it but I’m involved in every community event going so it obviously suits me. Though, no small irony, I’m basically pricing myself out of where I live.

Yes, I think so. Moved to large Essex town from London 10 years ago, and I’d say I feel part of the community of my part of the town,, even though my inability to recognise people’s faces out of context makes it harder!
What drove it was mostly getting involved in NCT coffee mornings that had a rota of meeting in people’s houses - that means I could walk down a road and think “I know someone on that road”. From meeting people there, they then recommend other groups, baby groups and non baby hobby groups, book groups etc - , and have all the local gossip on who’s moving to what house, what shops are opening and closing, what’s going on at the local school. how to join the waiting list for the swimming pool that nobody knows about, etc. Then once the kids started school that was a whole new group of people. It’s all been very gradual though.

Lockdown doesn’t help neither does the reticence to interact with other people it has created. We are simply not that bothered about being social with people we don’t know anymore.

I have changed jobs twice during lockdown and although I have worked for the same organisation for years, it is the first time that I am feeling like I am trying to break into an established clique that was formed before lockdown and it is not receptive to new members for the simple reason we have no way to get to know each other as people (not as colleagues) around the coffeemaker.

Sometimes there’s a benefit to not being in the Archers….I definitely am and whilst it has a lot of good to be said for it you can get dragged into all sorts of other stuff you can avoid. Y being in commuterville instead!🤣