Aibu with sons dad?

[Sallymads]

I’ll try and keep it short, my son who’s nearly 5 has never really had a proper relationship with his dad, he’s unreliable, abusive (to me) and always out for drama. He’s taken me to mediation twice to arrange what’s best for him and his lifestyle and never sticks with it and now wants to go again after refusing my invitations after mediation breaking down. He went over a year barely seeing him at all. The most recent mediation session resulted in having him 2 days In the week picking up from school till later in the evening and every other weekend. Twice on the run he didn’t show up for him on the weekend within the first month of mediation being set and then went a further 3 without seeing him at all. He also blocks me so I’ve no way on contacting him when he’s a no show.
On the school nights he works till 5, which meant he would have to go after school club if he can’t pick him up at finishing time on his days, as of late he’s insisting that I pay for after school club while he’s in work and sent a string of horrible texts saying I’m a lazy parent etc, he’s doing all the ‘running around after him’, me and my partner should ‘pull our weight’ and drop him off and pick up and that I spend his maintenance money £28 a week on flash cars, houses and our wedding. He only has to pick him up twice a week and drop off home 3 times, me and my partner have been dropping him at his dads mums on a Saturday morning lately and she picks up his slack when he doesn’t show (she’s an amazing grandparent). We take him to school every day and pick him up the other days and just do everything else a parent does and he’s moaning about ‘running around’ to see his son? There’s a lot more to it and I could go on forever but with how he is, we think why should we do it for his benefit? It’s all he has to do? The paying for after school club issue comes after I’ve just got myself a new car I should add and house, as I’m (we) are in a much, much better position financially than before. He works himself, lives rent free in his parents house and has his own girlfriend.
My fiancé has brought him up and does everything for him and as of late my son has come in after every dad visit, saying he doesn’t like him and telling him to go away. He doesn’t say anything but I can see my partner is hurt and that’s getting to me also.
Sorry for rabbiting on and thank you for getting this far! I’m just at my wits end it’s been going on far too long. Is it that difficult for regular visits without the aggro?! Should I be paying for after school club and doing all the drop offs and picks up? X

God no, his day, his responsibility.

Thank you, I’m wondering why he’s finding that so hard to understand!

Would you be paying for after school club anyway - or would you pick him up at 3pm(ish)? If he's only going to after school because dad needs him to then of course dad pays. He should anyway as those are his days. I would speak to school and tell them to bill/chase dad. If the kid gets refused afterschool until its paid he will have to sort.

Sounds like mediation might be a plan - providing you can get a binding agreement at the end of it this time. If he defaults again then remove access and tell him to take it to court. Sounds as though you have more than enough for a judge to be quite prescriptive in any visitation offer.

In terms of your sons lip, I would pull him up on it - as in it is rude to speak like that to anyone. But I think you and your partner have to give the kid a bit of slack as his dad is clearly feeding him all sorts of crap it must be horrendous for the kid. Could you ask at school if there is someone he can talk to?

He sounds awful.
YANBU.
I agree with PP I would pull my kid up on his behaviour toward my partner nip that in the bud now as it will only get worse.
Tell him your partner cares for him and his behaviour hurts his feelings.
Yes he could be being fed things from his Dad but regardless he needs to be taught that it isn't ok to be rude or nasty to people, that he wouldn't like it if someone said that to him.

No he wouldn’t on those days we’d be picking him up otherwise as his sister also goes the same school. He just doesn’t see it that way, he keeps throwing it in that the maintenance he pays should pay for after school club on his days.
It’s just going around in circles, i think a binding agreement is the way to go, how would they make it binding though? I always thought only a child arrangements order could do that?
I’m trying with the lip, I do think he’s definitely feeding him stuff though, he came home one time repeatedly saying his sister isn’t his sister and his dads, gfs daughter is. I don’t think a 4 year old could come up with that. Just seems to be things that would cause friction within our family unit.
I’ll keep cracking on with the cheek and try to get through to him some way!