AIBU Shared care and positive tests.

[TornDad]

Daughter is 11 and lives partly with my ex (her mum) and partly with me.
Son is 6 and lives with my wife and me.

My daughter tested positive on Monday, and is currently at her mums but is due to spend the weekend at mine.
(She's feels fine - felt rough Monday and Tuesday but is fine now)

AIBU to want to see her?

Why I might not be :
She's my daughter. Why should my ex have to deal with this on her own? (ex is still negative so far) My daughter needs to know I'm here for her too. As far as I know, lockdown and isolation rules don't apply to stopping children moving between separated parents. (by car not public transport)

Why I might be unreasonable:

It also seems unreasonable to have them here, and expose their step mum to it. I know we said "in sickness and in health" but I'm not sure how that applies to the step kid's sickness. My wife loves her step-daughter and has helped raise her for 7+ years, but expecting my wife to tolerate nits and threadworms in the house is bad enough, covid is different.

Is it irresponsible to bring my plague carrying child here and risk infecting her little brother (half brother) and have him take it back to his year group at school? There are loads of cases in his class already and he goes to the same primary school as his big sister, so he will get exposed sometime, but I don't want to be the cause. I also don't want to have to test him daily after the weekend. He hates it and you have to hold him still.

Current rules in England say kids should isolate for 5 days after a +ve lateral flow, and are allowed to stop isolating on day 6 if they test negative on both day 5 and day 6. Friday will be day 5 for my daughter. So if she's negative this morning then it may be okish anyway to have her.

My wife is a loving step mum, and has said it's up to me, but she is wary and is thinking about taking our son to her parents (where there's not a huge deal of space) for the weekend.

My ex could keep my daughter but that seems unfair to expect her to take the risk and not me (any my household).

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So AIBU to want to have my plague ridden daughter here this weekend?

Or am I not being unreasonable because I don't want to dodge my responsibilities? I don't want to be that typical Non-Resident-Parent dad? I miss my little pathogen vector and I'm sick of this plague.

Of course you should have your daughter to stay and you should continue to see her as you usually would. If your wife is feeling anxious and wants to stay elsewhere then that is up to her, but it’s a major over reaction if neither she or your son are especially vulnerable.

It makes no sense to risk two households and if her mom catches it you may well need to care for her for longer anyway but what happens if your wife or son catch it and get really poorly, or you do?

I would think that once positive she can’t leave the house she’s in until 2 negative test, hopefully you can see her tomorrow

Your daughter should be isolating and stay where she is. You ex is already been exposed, seems stupid to risk another family too

You should definitely have your daughter for the weekend as planned.

The various regulations are set to do what is reasonably possible to reduce transmission, not eliminate it. The detriment to children from not having their normal contact with their parents is far more significant to their wellbeing than the risjs of covid so the contact should go ahead.

Whether your wife takes your other child away is entirely her choice and wouldn't be particularly detrimental to anyone.

When my children had covid (each on separate occasions) myself and ex partner made the decision that I would keep them to save both households having to isolate and reduce the risk of onward transition.
His parter is on the shielding list and he would also not have been paid for time of work to isolate.

Personally I would let your daughter stay with her mum until after two negative tests and possibly ask to have her additionally once she had recovered to make up lost time.

Given your son is in school and therefore potentially exposed anyway I’d let her come - he could pick it up anywhere and the impact on your daughter not seeing her dad is no small thing. Her mum might appreciate the break too.

Your wife is being dramatic, unless she’s planning on taking your son out of school, she can’t avoid him being exposed.

I think she should stay where she is. Why spread it to 2 houses and potentially to 2 lots of school and work friends?

Thanks. I think most responses so far show I'm damned either way :-).
Most people seem to have fairly string views either for or against.

My wife and I work from home so isolating for us would not be a big issue - but we do both have elderly mums we like to keep an eye on.

My wife is overly paranoid about health issues, but is trying hard not to be. She was told in 2020 that she should shield but we now think that was a mistake. (her doctor's response when asked seemed to be "I dunno but shielding can't hurt can it? Now run along dear.")
We accept covid is going to be around forever now but that doesn't make abandoning 2 years of OTT precautions and inviting in the plague easy, but we do both love my daughter.

Part of me is of the view "we're going to get it sometime so lets get it over with" - we're both under 50 and triple jabbed.