Page 2 | To just want to say f*ck it all??

wejammin · 20/01/2022 20:41

If YABU then I am also BU because I also want to say Fuck it all, all the way to Fuck and then a little bit further away.
Feeding the kids. God. I. Hate. It.
I'm so tired of deciding things.
I am so far away from the parent/wife/employee that I want to be because I just can't be bothered. Everyone deserves more but I can't find anymore to give. Ugh.

AngelinaFibres · 20/01/2022 20:42

I understand absolutely what you are saying Op. I felt low a lot of the time because it wasn't like other people seemed to be. I found it exhausting and really boring a lot of the time. And like you , I found the domestic trivia of it so relentless. I felt like a hamster on a wheel a lot of the time. I am retired now and my sons are married men with lives of their own. I have happy memories of times past but I wouldn't want to be back there again. I went to toddler groups etc and everyone talked about being tired , but otherwise seemed thrilled by the whole thing. I think the fact that you can post on here and lots of people will tell you they are feeling the same is so fantastic. Can you and your husband organise some time for yourselves to be alone whilst the other one looks after the children.. Can you go to a cafe and sit in silence just for an hour , or have a bath where nobody disturbs mummy at all.It does get better but it is so hard

Cocomarine · 20/01/2022 20:47

I know this is an overall feeling, but you can reduce that list.

You mention checking homework - any child old enough to have homework, is old enough to put their own washing away. When mine were young, drawers were simple - big ones, one tops, one bottoms. No ironing or folding - literally just dropped into the big draw. Nobody died.

As for meals… that’s such a biggie (who knew that it would turn out to be the most boring part of adulting?!) both in mental energy a time. But it’s SO easy to reduce it. 7 day menu. 14 day, if you must. Never think what to have ever again. Sure, you have to shop and cook and wash up and that shit… but choose your plan carefully for cooking and washing up 😉 and the shopping is easy when it’s a regular plan.

But mostly… get a couple of days off, and do as close to nothing as you can. Even if you can’t get a babysitter, just take the time you would have been at work, and do only what you want to do. It’s wonderful!

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 20/01/2022 20:53

@MatildaTheCat

Think of your day as a big glass jar. All your tasks are a million grains of sand. Now take three pebbles which each represent something you are going to do for yourself. A bath, half an hour with your book, a hot coffee, run- whatever.

Now put those pebbles in first then add the sand. It will trickle through and all fit in. If you try to cram the pebbles on top of the sand they won’t fit.

Three small pebbles a day. It’s not a cure for tiredness but it does help reframe your needs as being important. Something in the house will slide over to make time. Are the kids old enough to be helpful? If so make sure they do their bit. It’s a hassle at first but worth while and makes sure you aren’t taken for the house slave.

Try it.

^^ I love this. You have brought tears to the eyes of an old lady @MatildaTheCat I wish someone had said this to me when I was a young mum and felt just like the OP. I used to dream of running away for a few days where no-one could find me - just for a few days...

Sunnytwobridges · 20/01/2022 21:09

I feel you OP! It's like the same thing every day, and it's soooo boring! I never thought life would be this boring lol

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 20/01/2022 21:09

Me too op and l feel myself boiling over when dd or dh says oh don't fancy that for dinner. Cook your fucking self then. Hate it. If l lived on my own l would eat egg/beans/cheese in toast every night.
Housework is just relentless.
Think the winter is going on forever this year too which doesn't help.

Original poster

MrsWarleggan · 20/01/2022 21:29

Sisters 👊

DH came in this evening and I had a bit of a melt down. Don't think he knew what to do with himself. Hoped he was going to say "give (insert friends name) and go for a few drinks tomorrow night, I'll deal with the kids"....I didn't happen, but he did fling a chicken Kiev in the oven.....

OP posts:

KitKat1985 · 20/01/2022 21:33

I hear you OP. I'm so sick of all the day to day drudgery and crap.

Momicrone · 20/01/2022 21:37

I listen to podcasts when I'm doing drudgery

AngelinaFibres · 20/01/2022 21:40

[quote MrsWarleggan]@MatildaTheCat

That is a very good idea. Thank you 😊

The washing is never ending, there's only 4 of us. DD2 gets pretty grubby and is often changing. DH gets very dirty at work, bed linen, towels etc. We only have a really small capacity washing machine....maybe I need to get a bigger washer!![/quote]
What is your daughter doing that makes her so grubby ?
If she is grubby but not actually dragging mud through the house, why does she need to get changed ? Can't she just have a shower before bed, clean pjs and just use one lot of clothes per day ?
You say she is often changing. How old is she? Why is she making the decision to change , and how often is she doing this in a day ?
Clean pants and socks are necessary every day. Clean school uniform isn't. Tee shirts can do 2 days if not covered in paint. My boys had 2 pairs of school trousers each. One pair for first 2 or 3 days one pair for last days of week. Non iron. Take out of the washing machine and finish on the radiator. I didn't have a tumble dryer when they were small. Clothes they wear once they have changed out of uniform can be worn several evenings after school as they are worn for such a short time.
Don't iron anything unless you are going for tea with the queen.
They can tidy up after themselves.
Showers are quicker than baths. They can go in together ( depending on age) ,wash themselves whilst you supervise( cup of coffee in hand and sit on a chair. Big towel each , wrap them up and they will just dry.
Bigger load washing machine.
Tumble dryer.
I look forward to reading and reading and reading to my grandchildren. When I had my own I was absolutely done in by the time we got to 7pm. There is technology now to do the bedtime story for you. Use it. Nobody with fail all their GCSEs because Tom Hardy read a story on you tube instead of mummy.

AngelinaFibres · 20/01/2022 21:54

There was a thread on here recently called "tell me how you have simplified your life". Amazing tips on there.
As regards putting away 2 loads of washing per day ....there was a suggestion on that thread to have baskets upstairs. The poster had them on the landing because she had space there. Everyone had a basket for their clothes. When the washing was clean and dry she took the stuff upstairs and dropped it in the baskets for each person. No going into different bedrooms just one drop , in one place. She didn't sort socks into pairs. If the wearer wanted a pair they found it themselves. Tee shirts, joggers were folded and put in but no ironing. She said her children had drawers and if she had time the clothes might end up in the drawers. Mostly they didn't. They had baskets in their rooms for dirty washing. She didn't separate whites and colours, she didn't spend ages sorting it. If it was there she washed it. If it was in the bottom of a back pack she didn't They got the idea very quickly

Vgbeat · 20/01/2022 22:15

Very normal and not unreasonable. Google the working mothers mental load it's a brilliant series of images that really hit home about how much women in particular have to think about.

lissie123 · 20/01/2022 22:34

This might make you laugh take a look at you tube
I’ve no more fucks to give
Thomas Benjamin Wild
Might help you feel a bit betters

specialsauce · 20/01/2022 22:41

I promise this feeling won't last. As the kids get older and more independent your time gets loosened up and you can breathe more, relax more, enjoy it more. why are you waiting for your DH to offer you a night out? Just chat to him and arrange it! Go and let your hair down - it's essential!!

RedHelenB · 21/01/2022 08:43

@MrsWarleggan

In the words of John Coffey: "I'm tired boss"

Tired of being a mum.
Tired of being a wife.
Tired of running a home.
Tired of work.
Tired of figuring out what to do for dinner....every...single...God damn day.
Tired of making lunches.
Tired of putting two loads of washing every day.
Tired of hanging two loads of washing on the airer every day.
Tired of putting away two loads of washing every day.
Tired of checking if homework is done.
Tired of making time to have a shower.
Tired of ensuring the bills are paid each month.
Tired of working out the split for childcare between vouchers and actual money.
Tired of working out how much surplus there is each month and how much we can/can't save.

So very very very fucking tired.

I know I'm being unreasonable, just needed a vent and to get my thoughts our my head!!!

As I keep telling my kids, being a grown up is hard. Personally, I chose to have kids so suck it up. I'm glad to live here with a washing machine and childcare, free education and a choice of dinner.

Toanewstart22 · 21/01/2022 08:48

Do you work full time?

ECLT · 21/01/2022 08:56

@emilyintheSE

Where's the partner in all of this?

Yes, exactly.

I have started spitting my dummy out, I'm not doing it all anymore, no reason DH, DS & DD can't do some of it so crack on, it's just as much their shit as it is mine so they are going to chip in too. End of.

Yes, they get the cob on but then, how do they think I feel doing it all while they sit on their arse and watch. They get it of course and end up doing it.

billy1966 · 21/01/2022 09:14

OP, i have 4 teens, there are 6 of us and I don't even do 1 wash every day.

I would go out of my mind with that much washing.

I have never heard of so much.

Dd2 is changing her clothes?

What does that mean?

Tell her one outfit and stop doing being an absolute skivvy to her.

You have to help yourself here.

BeMoreGoldfish · 21/01/2022 09:19

How old are your kids?

Mine put their own washing away!

And how often are you washing bedding and towels?? There’s 4 of us, all do sport daily and we do about one wash a day. Your washing load seems excessive .

BeMoreGoldfish · 21/01/2022 09:19

And mine make their own lunches too. And some dinners.

kermitswig · 21/01/2022 09:23

I hear you OP. The drudgery of it all day in & day out. I don't want to adult any more. I don't want the responsibility of having to make sure bills are paid, of being the organiser of any and all family events inc. Christmas, birthdays, Easter etc, of being the doer of everything, the planner, the one who is one step ahead of everything, who makes all the decisions.

A short stay in hospital would be most welcomed .. but then I would come home to a shit put no doubt and a weeks worth to sort out.

No answers for you OP. You can go and have a bath, go out with friends, read a book .. but the reality of it is that the next day will yet again be the same drudgery.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/01/2022 09:25

That’s a lot of washing for 4 people. How old are your children.

TheLazyBeagle · 21/01/2022 09:25

I hear you OP.

Original poster

MrsWarleggan · 21/01/2022 21:06

We popped up the pub with the kids after work......they were lovely but just knew that I needed a release.

I'm up pub now with my bestie. DH has taken DDs home and just having a chat.

DH has told me to take all the time I need. Not the 48hrs I think I need but it's a start and feel much better.

We are talking about a weekend away......dreams....but nice to talk about it 😊😊

OP posts:

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 21/01/2022 21:11

I had a minor illness last year and got to stay on the sofa for a week or so. The House descended into chaos around me and the kids ate very few veg that week but my goodness I really enjoyed the break. I got a bit about myself after that, dont want to get into that habit!