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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider not returning to work?

4 replies

BlueLace · 20/01/2022 14:19

Background - I am a mum of 2: DD age 2, DS age 7 months. Currently on maternity leave.

DS is breastfed on demand and still feeds every couple of hours through the day and feeds to sleep at nap times/bedtime. He will take a couple of oz from a bottle but no more, and he craves the comfort of the breastfeeds too. I have tried gradually cutting down but it makes him miserable.

Because of this, I'm worried about my return to work and how he will cope being left with grandparents. I've also always wanted to be a stay at home mum until the kids are school aged but it's not been possible financially.

DH has a good job but we need me to bring home around £1,000 per month to be comfortable financially. I'm lucky to have a reasonably well paid job where I earn this from 2 ten hour days per week.

My parents (who are in a very lucky position financially) sat me down last week and said they want me to have the option to stay at home with the kids, like my mum did for me. They offered to help support us financially so this would be possible. Which is obviously an immensely kind offer but completely unexpected and I was so shocked.

I have told my parents thank you so much but I'm unable to accept their offer of help as it really doesn't feel right, especially given we have unnecessary expenses (eg eating out occasionally, holiday booked for this year, new drive booked in). Why should they pay for us!?

However the conversation with my parents has made me realise how much I want to stay at home with the kids, and how much better it would work for our family, especially given DS's feeding. I realise that in the real world, there are loads of people that would love to do this but it just isn't always possible. But it's made me seriously consider either: a) completely changing our living standards so we can afford for me to be off. Or b) looking for a job with fewer hours/something that can be done from home.

My head is all over the place with it so any rational thoughts would be much appreciated!

OP posts:
TeeBee · 20/01/2022 14:24

Well whatever you decide doesn't have to be forever. Can you afford to take a specified amount of extra time out before you return to the workplace? A year or two maybe? After that, you might be gagging to get back to work. I know I was; my head needed some normality and being at home with young children can be isolating and very dull sometimes. Being able to work two long days sounds ideal in that you can keep your career going but also have some really quality time with your children. I don't think it has to be one or the other.

Cocomarine · 20/01/2022 14:26

Couple of ounces from a bottle?
My daughter refused the bottle full stop and was exclusively breastfed on demand (and she took that serious, little queen of grazing that she was!) until 6 months and at 7 months and beyond was still very much on milk and never took a bottle. She went straight to sippy cup - I was on leave until 13 months though. I honestly would not get overly concerned about the breastfeeding element of this. I carried on feeding when she was a toddler too.

Obviously the financial side is another thing, but I don’t think BF is the issue you think it is - everyone I know has worked round it, bottle refusers on sippy cups, or the most hardline refusers at home traitorously accepting it at nursery!

I want to say don’t like pride stop you from taking your parents money if it’s freely offered with love. But at the same time - my pride would stop me!

IloveStrawberrylaces · 20/01/2022 14:30

My daughter used to feed constantly and I still went back to work. She just carried on with the feeds after work. I just had to pump at work for a few weeks initially

Twizbe · 20/01/2022 14:38

Your son is only 7 months. A lot will change over the next few months, especially as weaning gets more advanced.

Don't make any decisions based on his feeding. Worse comes to worse you can take the full 52 weeks and once he's 1 he no longer needs milk. If he refuses it when you're away it's no big deal.

As to the other side, say no to the financial support. Look at your finances and see what you can do if you want to stay home.

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