Best and worst bridesmaid stories

[HadEnough798]

AIBU to ask for your stories of:

a) the best things your bridesmaids did for you
b) the worst things your bridesmaids did/any super bridesmaid faux pas

I'm a bridesmaid for my primary school friend. I love her dearly and want to help her have an amazing time. I am the only bridesmaid.

My issue: I am not really into weddings, never been interested in hen dos, grew up relatively poor in alternative-type family so quite often make social mistakes around hosting and gifting and occasions and things (e.g. noone told me you were supposed to take prosecco to an engagement party?! and I only recently discovered that you should take a present to a new baby!!)

Please help me be a good bridesmaid and tell me what you'd expect/appreciate/dislike!

Just be there for her, ask what support she wants from her bridal party. You may be asked to help arrange seating plan/organise guest list/see the venue etc or simply just be there on the day to hold her flowers, help with her dress etc. Ideas for small gestures that are a nice touch in the run up-to the big day would be such as a goody bag with bridal magazines in for ideas, a journal/notepad to make plans for the big day, a money jar (home bargains do ones with slogans such as 'saving for the big day' or 'honeymoon fund'), sweets. Discuss hen party ideas aswell x

I asked my friend to show up and my wedding and have some photos taken on the day. She offered to help arrange a small hen do. I didn't expect her to get involved in any of the logistics as it was mine and now DH's wedding. How would she know which family members to sit together or what flowers to choose? 🤔

I might be in the minority if others reply, but I didn't expect my friend to be inconvenienced or out of pocket for my life choices. I just wanted to show that I appreciate her long years of friendship.

Best- show up look pretty
Worst- act as PA/dogs body and be run ragged the weeks preceding and on the day.

Both of my bridesmaids did a reading at the ceremony which was lovely. One of them also had to get her dress altered but she didn't tell me because she didn't want me to pay for it

The worst part was them taking over the dressing area at the venue to the extent that when I got back from checking something they had hogged the whole area including the mirrors to get ready. I was left with very little time to get ready and put my makeup on!! Looking back I should have been more assertive, I was just shocked at the time

noone told me you were supposed to take prosecco to an engagement party?!

I have never taken Prosecco to an engagement party! I don’t think that’s a ‘thing’.

and I only recently discovered that you should take a present to a new baby!!

I would definitely take something for a close friend/family member’s baby.

Ask if she wants help with anything. She may want opinions on somethings.
Ask if she wants you to source shoes/bags for bridesmaids, find hairstyles.
Otherwise don't over doing it asking if she needs help.
On the morning, supply alcohol, get a good breakfast in her.
Do the running round, get things she needs. And be calm.

I still I’ve with horror of being bridesmaid. I hate having people look at me and attention . Should have said no at that stage. I was young 🤷🏼‍♀️
Bride decided then to save money by getting us to make our own dresses- bit of a bombshell and cheek luckily I could see but struggled to get a good fit as No Taylor’s dummy and lived on my own. I have a big bust and when asked I said nothing strapless, sleeveless or backless. I need a bra. So pattern as backless, frills at the back skirt (think 1980s lady Di) and a horrible colour. Her system who was stick thin and different colouring looked fab but I just looked fat with boobs down my ankles🤣. God it was awful. All that work I had to put in to make this complex dress and I knew I was only going to wear it for as short a time as possible.
Please don’t impose a dress on your bridesmaid. Consult all the maids on colour choice and go with something they all agree at least doesn’t look terrible with their colouring. And then don’t make them make it 😡
Other than that bride was lovely. Not bridzilla - just a bit frugal 🤦‍♀️🤣

Be enthusiastic about whatever dress the bride buys for you. Even if she desperately wants you in brown with green and lime zig-zags, unless she asks your opinion then you don’t need to go there (unless she’s expecting you to pay, obviously!).
Smile and tell her what a great day it is, find specific positives.
Ask her about hen-do.
Don’t offer help unless you want to do it, or willing to do it with good grace. If she asks you to do something and you don’t want to, say no - don’t agree then moan about it.
Try and make sure she eats on the morning. Yes she’s an adult, but just presenting her with stuff she likes and is easy to eat is way more useful than turning up with prosecco to have whilst she’s getting ready.

Sister not system and all the other typos 🙄 sorry

I was a bridesmaid for my brother when I was about 20. They brought SILs dog (I think to look cute for the photos) and I had to leave the reception every hour or something to let the dog out of the car to pee. It was the middle of winter. I was unimpressed.

I love being a bridesmaid it’s really good fun however I’ve only been bridesmaid to friends who are very chill so I’ve thank god never been stuck with a bridezilla.

If your friend wants one then organise a hen do. Ask her for a brief as peoples expectations are vastly different from a week in Ibiza to a night on the town with willy deeley boppers. Something that always goes down well is a low-key afternoon tea in addition to a big night out so the folks that don’t want to go on a bar crawl can still come and celebrate before the big day.

On the day itself just be useful, if any issues pop up offer to sort them. Maybe carry a couple of things that might help, I always have tit tape and a teeny sewing kit for dress related mishaps, plasters and a nice facial mist.

Toilet assistance may be needed if it’s a behemoth or a dress oh and offer to fetch them some cake/buffet evening food as they’re always so caught up talking to people they always forget to eat.

The only BM I don't regret having was our flower girl who told me I looked like a princess, gave me a big hug before she tottered up the aisle and gave me a little token gift on the morning before we left the house that she'd made to mark the occasion.

Out of the 3 adults and one 5 year old I was told I had to have, she is the only one I can think back on without feeling hurt. 10 years older me wants to shake bride-me very hard for putting up with the whole debacle!

I think it's lovely your friend has asked you to be BM OP. Ask the bride how you can help, be honest with her if she's asking too much, be happy for her. That's everything I wanted from any of mine.

I cherish the gift I was given because it meant something between the giver and I but I wasn't expecting anything - it was however a lovely lovely thought.

I had three bridesmaids. One told me regularly before the wedding that she thought I was rushing in to it, that I shouldn’t be marrying him, that it was the wrong date etc. In the end I had to say that her comments weren’t helping! One of the others was great, very quiet and considerate. The other really wanted to make sure I had the best time I could, which I massively appreciated.

I also had two friends who did bridesmaid-y stuff like wedding prep but didn’t want to walk down the aisle which was fine! One did a reading and the other signed the registry but they both helped set up the venue etc.

I organised a wedding countdown for a family member I was bridesmaid for - got different family members to send her a card/small gift each day from 10 days out, finishing with her husband-to-be the day before the wedding.

The same family member was angry with her other bridesmaid whose father had passed away a month before the wedding. The bride felt the other bridesmaid's grief would detract from her big day.

The same family member was angry with her other bridesmaid whose father had passed away a month before the wedding. The bride felt the other bridesmaid's grief would detract from her big day.
I've heard of Bridezilla but this just heartless.

Some lovely ideas and advice in here, thankyou! Love the idea of a little countdown thing @Thesheerrelief, I think she'd love that.

Hen do planning slightly terrifies me but I think I know what she'd enjoy... I think the kind of weekend where you can opt in and out seems like a good thing to keep everyone happy.

@Warblerinwinter gawd that sounds awful!! But it sounds like you were a good bridesmaid by wearing said terrible dress, which is the kind of advice I'm after haha :)

@Apartridgeinachestnuttree your flower girl sounds super cute, funny how kids sometimes get things right more than adults eh!

@caulkheaded can't believe they told you not to marry them?! I hope your rubbish bridesmaid didn't overshadow things! I'm the opposite, I think I go on too much about how perfect my friend's partner is for her

I was a bridesmaid for a close friend years ago and one of the other bridesmaids kept going on about how nervous she was, how she was worried about walking down the aisle too slowly/fast, what if her hairstyle fell out and she ruined the photos, what if she tripped, it will be weird with everyone looking at her etc - all in earshot of the bride who tried to reassure her. It was a shame she was worried but we told her to keep quiet in front of the bride as we didn’t want her to absorb those nerves/anxieties - and it’s a bit of a downer on your big day! So that’s my big tip. You don’t have to be an emotionless robot but keep any anxieties you have quiet from the bride and concentrate on being a support and remember it’s not about you.