Friends ignoring me post children

[Wobblykitchen]

Hi,
I’m posting here for more traffic.
I’m feeling upset about a situation with my group of friends and feel like I need a bit of tough love about it. I was the second in a large friendship group to start having children. When I had my first child it coincided with one of my other friends beginning massive fertility struggles.
Due to these struggles I did the typical, avoid and don’t talk about my pregnancy/baby to avoid upsetting.
As time has passed on I’ve made effort with the group, both individually and together. Asking how people are, catching up in person etc. Although I started to notice they weren’t ever asking about me.
I’ve recently had my second child, my friend with fertility struggles is due her baby soon. Most in the group have now either had babies or are pregnant/trying. I’ve noticed that none of them talk to me anymore. Even when I message to ask how they are I know I’m just getting an acquaintances reply.
Sometimes things are put in the group chat and I realise something massive has happened in someone’s life and everyone knows but me.

I guess I’m asking what do I do? Do I just ignore all these people now? I know friends come and go over the years but it’s never happened to me where I’ve felt I’m losing a whole friendship group.

YABU - just cut your losses and stop speaking to them
YANBU - Put more effort in to socialise with this group of people

I’ve actually had something a bit similar. I wouldn’t personally give up just yet especially as things can seem different over chat. Do you ever talk to them one on one?

I voted YANBU but that's not entirely what I think. I think I'd ask them if something hasn't happened, why they don't include you anymore and see what the response is, if they pretend that's not happening then I'd probably just cut me loses and move on but If you were close and like them I'd try to find out what was up first

I wonder if you are particularly closer to say, one of them, in which you could maybe go out for a coffee or a catch-up and tell them how you feel, and say you are having thoughts on how you can approach this/address the issue.

For me, I'd have to. So during school for me, I got along with everyone and had a few close friends, there was a group of girls 'the girls' who were tight knit, I always wished I could be a part of it, however I was best friends with one of the girls, but never really included in the group. But because I had other friends it didn't bother me.
Fast forward to being in my 20's, with some lovely friends and my two toddler boys, watching this 'girl group' over the years, argue, bitch, get along again, and fall out, I really look back and think, you know what, I'm glad I wasn't part of that? ...
I've got close friends and a peaceful life.

All I'm really saying is that for me personally, I'd have to address it, if they've got a problem with you for nothing, if they're deciding to be distant towards you, if you can't share your life and kids and pregnancies with these girls, are they even friends you want in your life ?

Going back to what I'd said at first however, I'd go out with one of them alone and explain that this really deep down is upsetting you and getting to you, and if it's something they've noticed too.

Oh op this is really upsetting.

I agree, talk to one of them directly.

Is it possible you've done something that has upset them all?

What happens if you try and initiate a meet up?

So I went out with one of them alone. It was brought up by her, that she herself was feeling excluded. I said I was feeling the same at that time and we had a chat. However I’m now no longer in contact with her really. Went back through my whatsapp and it was always me messaging ‘seen your insta post, congrats on the new job’ ‘X told me you’re going on holiday - hope you have a great time’ messages like this. So I stopped messaging them and she doesn’t really speak to me now either.

If I try to initiate a meet up people agree and then are flakey about it. I’m invited to a baby shower with all of them in 2 months time. The girl whose pregnant was closest to me, I would have organised it but within weeks of her announcing her pregnancy another friend sent us all messages about the baby shower. Saying pregnant friend had asked her to arrange it.

When I had my first child it coincided with one of my other friends beginning massive fertility struggles.
Due to these struggles I did the typical, avoid and don’t talk about my pregnancy/baby to avoid upsetting.

Do you mean you avoided the topic, or avoided your friend altogether?

@Wobblykitchen can totally see what you mean. I say go to the baby shower, make effort as in a lovely gift and of course be really nice and chatty and lovely as I'm sure you already would be, then after that maybe TRY again and speak to maybe ONE of them one on one and say like, despite the efforts you make, you never feel inclusive of anything they al do anymore - even if it is a group message.

My sister was in the same position and in the end she just realised she knew them from school/college etc but didn't really like them as people unfortunately... they were very bitchy where as she is just everyone's cheerleader and gets along with anybody, it just sometimes 'is what it is' ... they sound a bit ignorant and the fact you're asking for advice here just seems like they're really leaving you with no answers... pulling teeth sort of speak...
In the most polite way I'd certainly confront them and just say that it does upset you that you don't have that closeness with them as a group anymore