Winding up toddler

[IRunWithScissors]

Am I being too PFB about this?

I have an 18 month old.

DS's uncles and aunties are great on the whole. They are really keen to help out and dote on him.

However they do seem to love winding him up. They find it really funny to do things like:

• they've taught him to hit people (well, tap, given his age) and say "bad" when they ask him "is uncle (or whoever) good or bad?"

• they will say things like "do you want cake? Cake?", and then he will get excited and say "cake! Cake!" Obviously then DP or I have to tell him that cake isn't on offer.

They just seem to find it funny, but I find it quite demeaning to him. Am I being really over sensitive?!

That is annoying! Do they have kids themselves? They probably don't get how hard it is to undo bad habits with children but they should have a bit of common sense.

I think just intercept quickly and say 'mate what you doing? I've spent months teaching him not to hit!' or 'please don't say the C word - we'll be in for a world of pain!'

Are they young with no children of their own yet? If so, they have no idea how difficult parenting can be!
You need to nip it in the bud and call them out on it.

You really don't want them teaching him to hit people that's going to end up being a real problem when he starts nursery or school. Do you really want your child to be the one that slaps all the other children?

And who the hell thinks it's 'funny' to wind up a small child by telling him he's going to get something he likes and then telling him it's not on offer?

Just tell them to stop being stupid, nasty arses.

Don't sit back and let them do this to your child.

These people sound like dicks. Either nip this in the bud and tell them to knock it the fuck off or stop allowing them to spend time around your child.

This kind of "teasing" is just bullying really. Children should be treated with respect from a young age. If they aren't they are likely to be much more difficult to manage when they are older as there won't be a respectful relationship there to support their behaviour. There are other ways to joke with children that don't involve laughing at their expense. Ask them how they would feel... Offer them a beer next time they come round and then when they say yes say haha only joking we haven't got any

Hate this. Not funny, and I'd question the intelligence of someone who thought it was.

They sound like stupid ducks and I wouldn’t want them around my toddler until they can act like grown ups.

Not one bit funny. This is cruel.

I would probably have done those things with someone else's child once upon a time. Just calmly explain to them why it's not great - they clearly just don't know quite how to behave around kids, it's not a big deal.

They sound abusive. I wouldn't want my child around people like that. Who in their right mind enjoys seeing a child upset?

These people sound like arseholes. I have an 18 month old too and neither of these would be allowed towards my son

Arseholes, it’s not treating him with love and respect is it? It’s having a laugh at his expense because he’s a baby.

The cake thing sounds cruel and the other stuff doesn't sound much better. You are definitely not being over sensitive or unreasonable.

Scissors, WHO put this thought in your head?
Am I being really over sensitive?!

Because NO, you are not.
If an adult treated my dog the way these fuckwits are treating your boy, they would get one short, sharp rebuke & a chance to redeem themselves. They would never be left unsupervised around my dog, & if they fucked up again like that, they'd not be welcome around him ever again.

They are teaching your tiny boy that adults are not to be trusted, that hitting is funny & gets attention, that lying is normal, & that he has to tolerate being wound up.

Are you going to let this escalate, or are you going to get angry with whoever or whatever made you doubt yourself with this too sensitive nonsense, & use that anger to protect your son?

How is DP handling it? Are these his relatives? Is he going to present a united front with you to get the relatives to quit their bullshit?

Apologies if this is coming over as harsh, I'm not looking to upset you, just angry at your fuckwits. I know each individual incident can be written off by the relatives (& maybe DP???) as "just teasing" etc - but cumulatively, they are adding up to teach DS all the bad things I mentioned above.
I lived with a family member who behaved similarly, & it wrecked my young self-esteem. Children need stability, confidence, consistency, & faith in the words & actions of their close adults. Don't let these relatives mess with that.

They sound dreadful and I wouldn't want them near my DC.

Wow ChargingBuck that was great advice. I was brought up in circumstances like this. When I had my daughter and they started doing similar I cut contact. I was not going to let the same thing happen to her.

One of my pet hates is people getting my son over excited! Playing rough, getting them to go crazy, telling them they can have things when they can’t, saying we’re going to do something when we’re not… we have a particular friend who adores my son (doesn’t have kids) and he he would literally give him anything or let him do anything sometimes overriding what we say!!! YANBU AT ALL!!

LittleMG
Teasing and winding up is different to spoiling like what your friend seems to do by your description.

Glad others agree - it makes me more confident to address it. I didn't want to go overboard in case it was a "fun auntie/uncle" thing but it's not "fun" if it's at DS' expense.

Children should be treated with respect from a young age. If they aren't they are likely to be much more difficult to manage when they are older as there won't be a respectful relationship there to support their behaviour
This is so true. I didn't really think about it like that before I had kids but I've definitely found it to be the case

Cheers, @Theblacksheepandme

Sorry you went through similar too, but the positive is that we have been lucky enough to recognise the dynamic & escape it, rather than perpetrate it on the next generations :)