I have two children aged 6 and 9 and my best friend has a 13 and 15 year old.
My friend has had a nervous breakdown in the past year and I have gone above and beyond to support her. We were friends before lockdown but during lockdown we spend every day messaging and were in contact a lot. As restrictions eased we spent more time together in person and our children had many days out together and enjoyed each others company despite the age gap. When we would meet, we would greet each other with a hug and so did our children.
Her longterm partner left her and this is what sparked her breakdown. I went to her home the day he left and she was unable to get off the floor, sobbing hysterically. I put my arms around her and she clung onto me for dear life. I asked DH what I should do and he agreed I should stay the night. We had a lot of the house to pack up to remove her ex's belongings and I went to sleep in her bed and again, she cuddled into me crying.
Since then, we've had a very tactile relationship. My DH has remarked we're like sisters and he says its nice to see (as I have no siblings and he is close to his). I still stay with her occasionally at weekends and before bed her children will come and give me a hug goodnight. If she has childcare (our home is closer to her work) she'll stay in our spare room and my children always give her a cuddle on their goodnight rounds and she reciprocates.
She's been slightly 'off' for a few weeks now and isn't as responsive to messages but we planned to have lunch. She text me beforehand and told me that she's recently started seeing a therapist and that they're working on her dislike of touch and that she would appreciate if I didn't hug or touch her. I said that was absolutely fine and I would respect that. Our meeting was slightly awkward and when she went to take a picture of us, I didn't know if it was ok to put my arm around her which isn't something I would normally hesitate to do.
We have a day out planned in a couple of weeks with all four children and I'm wondering what to say to my kids regarding physical contact. I don't know if her no touching rule applies to my DC who she is very fond of. I don't know if they apply to her and her own children and whether its the same with my kids and her kids. Is it fair to ask and if so, how do you phrase that question?
For what its worth I'm not a particularly touchy feely person apart from with my children and husband as I am not close to my extended family at all and wasn't brought up like that.