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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend family money on my own education

57 replies

Citycat1 · 20/01/2022 06:38

I want to retrain and no matter how I try, I can't find any way to pay for it, other than to get a bank loan. It will cost around £14000 and we simply don't have that money. Getting a loan means no holidays for me, my DH and 2 DC for quite some time. We might need to get a new car too and will need to borrow money for that too. DH keen for me to retrain as I've considered it for ages and he knows how passionate I am about it. But I feel like I'm making everyone else sacrifice for it. AIBU to retrain and get us into debt for it?

OP posts:
BringYourOwnBoris · 20/01/2022 07:47

Does the choice really have to be no holidays at all? Because that to me does sound quite harsh.
What about going camping, staying with relatives or those cheap caravan type breaks in the newspapers?
I'm not sure I would be happy with no family holidays "for a considerable time".

hangrylady · 20/01/2022 07:49

It's an investment in the future. It's not like you're buying a designer handbag. Go for it 100%

user1471462115 · 20/01/2022 07:51

Really make sure you will,get a decent job, at the end of this or you will be worse off.

An OT post grad would be better, as you can choose the mental health route and do what you want to do on NHS pay scales.

NHS rarely employs counsellors without them also having a HCPC or NUrsing background……

Emelene · 20/01/2022 07:54

I agree that counselling can be quite hard to get a role in, are you sure there will be a job available at the end?

If so and your DH is supportive I would go for it!

user1471462115 · 20/01/2022 08:08

I am rubbish at quoting, but the job moneysox posted does not qualify you for HCPC registration and is local to Hull only.

And knowing how the NHS works, the role will be replaced in three years by something different.

Get a proper recognised qualification that leads to a proper professional registration, if you are going to spend that amount of money.

Loopytiles · 20/01/2022 08:20

Yes, what are the qualifications and requirements to secure a paid role of the kind you’d like?

Would you be continuing in your current job ANd studying? That’s v hard if so, but obviously the financial costs to the family are higher if your salary is lost for 2 years or whatever it is.

Ovenaffray · 20/01/2022 08:25

Is it a properly accredited course? Like a masters?

If it’s not accredited, you might as well just throw your money into the fire.

Diamondsapphire · 20/01/2022 08:28

I’m going to be the voice of contention but no, no way - sorry. That’s a lot of debt for a job that as you rightly identify isn’t well paid and also while I won’t claim to be an expert is probably a field that’s overcrowded.

Cocomarine · 20/01/2022 08:33

In principal? No issue.
In reality? Entirely depends on whether that course is going to lead to employment.

araiwa · 20/01/2022 08:33

That's a lot of money and a lot of sacrifices for others to make for you to have another lowpaid job.

Why is it more expensive than a master's?

JennieTheZebra · 20/01/2022 08:35

@Citycat1Why not train as a mental health nurse? There’s a desperate shortage so you can get funding even if you already have a degree-and there’s a generous (6k a year) bursary too. When you’ve trained you can go work in CAMHS; therapeutic approaches are part of MH nurse training. The ucas deadline is on the 26th of January so you’d have to move fast but, if you already work in the NHS, it sounds like you have everything in place to apply.

BillMasen · 20/01/2022 08:36

@Ikeptgoing

Happy mum happy wife = happy life

If your DH thinks it's a gods idea, and is prepared to share in sacrificing holidays and limited budget for few years, then he's supporting you to do this!!!

You can fuck right off with the first bit of your quote.

However, I agree with the second bit. A joint decision to sacrifice short term for longer term gain, spot on, great idea, all on board. It needs to be joint though

Howshouldibehave · 20/01/2022 08:40

I knew it was going to be counselling when I saw the amount! I looked into this last year-bear in mind you’ll also be paying hundreds of pounds for your own hours (and hours) of supervision on top which can be prohibitively expensive. The ongoing overheads when trained can be high as well.

I ruled it out in the end as I just couldn’t justify spending such large amounts on something that wouldn’t really improve our income. Doing enough hours of work in a week to bring in a decent income would have been hugely intense as well.

The people I know who have done it have already got high earning husbands so the training cost wasn’t a bother for them and they did it as more of a hobby. All say they enjoy it and it’s given them a fabulous purpose (two have set up a base in an annexe in their house) but it’s not something that makes much money.

sanbeiji · 20/01/2022 08:44

YABU to retrain in a low paying field.
As pp mentioned mental health nurse, would be better there are also other HCP who get bursaries and paid for training.

Sceptre86 · 20/01/2022 08:46

Sure you might enjoy counselling and inevitably help people but does it help your financial situation? If the pay is just OK then I wouldn't be throwing £14000 on it. Its not just the debt but the time you will have to invest in retraining that I would think about and how it impacts your family. What is most important to you, being happy in your job or improving your financial prospects. If you are considering retraining I'd look for a hob that couples both those factors.

SE13Mummy · 20/01/2022 08:54

YANBU to consider using family money to retrain but to get into a significant amount of debt to do so feels different, especially as you would need to pay for supervision too. Have you considered a route such as this? It may be a more affordable way to achieve what you want to although you wouldn't be able to start until January 2023 for this particular course.

Winter2020 · 20/01/2022 09:06

Hi OP
Having seen your update I would be concerned that you were spending time and money on retraining to potentially earn less or even not be able to find a related post.

I totally believe money isn't everything but it does sound like your income is needed by your family.

Do you believe there is a good chance of getting a post that at least matches your current income afterwards?

You say the training will cost your family £14000 but if, for example, you earn 25k each year now and it takes 2 years you will have also lost 50k in earnings. If you struggle to find a post your family's finances may take years to recover the setback and get on an even keel again.

I do believe you should work towards your dreams but would urge you to consider how you can move incrementally towards yours without such huge costs and risks. E.g. sideways steps and jobs with training. Also if you do like your job and it incorporates elements of the emotional support you love giving maybe the grass isn't greener?

Winter2020 · 20/01/2022 09:07
  • Don't believe money is everything!
ThinWomansBrain · 20/01/2022 09:07

Happy mum happy wife = happy life
and worrying about a shed load of debt will really help with thatHmm

do think about how long the training will take, and if you move successfully in to your intended career after training, how long it will take to pay off the loans

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 20/01/2022 09:16

You can get personal loans at 3%. Do that over 5 years instead of 3? Could you get a 2nd mortgage?

vivainsomnia · 20/01/2022 09:19

You say the training will cost your family £14000 but if, for example, you earn 25k each year now and it takes 2 years you will have also lost 50k in earnings. If you struggle to find a post your family's finances may take years to recover the setback and get on an even keel again
This and I expect it is 3 years. I also thought that to be a recognised counsellor, at least by the nhs, you needed a Masters. Pay is very low for counsellors.

It's a great job and there are further opportunities but there are a lot of candidates for not that many jobs. Going private is not easy either.

Phos · 20/01/2022 09:25

Personally I’d be uncomfortable making my family make sacrifices just so I could go back to uni or whatever. There’s something I’d love to retrain in but I can’t afford it off my own back without taking from them in some way so no.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 20/01/2022 09:35

@Citycat1

I'd not thought about that. Yes, I do have a mortgage, will look into that. Thank you
Much cheaper to refinance on mortgage if you can. Though you'd need not only the equity available to cover the higher loan, but enough income to cover it too, which might be an issue if you're intending to not work while retraining? This is unless you've paid extra into the mortgage and have redraw available on your loan, in which case you can usually just redraw. I don't know if this is a thing in the UK like it is here.
MatildaTheCat · 20/01/2022 09:43

Working privately will mean constantly looking for new clients and paying for your own supervision, work space and all other costs. If you work for an organisation such as the nhs the pay is really low.

I’m sure you are aware but training also involves very substantial hours of non paid practice and therapy for yourself.

SIL is a trained counsellor. She has some private clients and does one day a week for the nhs working with staff. Of all of her cohort she tells me very few/ none are earning an actual salary (obviously would be different if working FT in an organisation). Doing it FT is emotionally draining.

However it’s fulfilling and really important work so I’d still say go for it but with your eyes wide open.

Good luck.

Excited101 · 20/01/2022 09:49

It’s a lovely idea, but I don’t think there’s many jobs in the field at all. I have a friend who is qualified and loved the work but there wasn’t enough of it for her and she manages a charity shop instead. She enjoys it but it’s not at all what she set out to do with her skills.