To feel this upset

[fairylights82]

I have three children and they are all such good kids. All of them try really hard to please and do the right thing. All of them are going through stuff at the moment. Ds14 lives and breathes his sport and is injured and can't even go to school for the next few days, never mind go to all the training and play his matches. He finds this so tough. For him, being stuck at home is hell. He is so energetic and just needs to be active and busy. I can see him feeling very low. And because he is very small in stature and the sport is rough, he is likely to get injured again, which he knows. I feel so sorry for him. Next dd13 has some fairly serious undiagnosed psychological difficulties. She has sensory issues around food and barely eats. She is extremely thin. She is also very sensitive and easily upset, lots of shouting and crying. She relies on me completely to help her. My husband can't real deal with her. She is in a tutor gap at school where despite how hard she tries to make friends, she is pushed out and isolated. She has a friendship grp outside of her tutor grp who she spends her break times with. DD11 is in a similar position but worse. She is the kindest, sweetest child. We have never had friendship problems with her or her sister throughout their time at school. Until now. Now, she tries and tries but she is excluded, pushed away and and sometimes outright bullied. I can't understand why this is happening. I am speaking to the school. I have asked and asked for her to be moved to a different class. Like her sister, all her friends are in a different class. I have to hear about their experiences day after day. I talk to them while they cry at night. Dd11 brushes over it a bit and changes the subject because she doesn't want to worry me too much, which is just like her, but she does tell what's going on, and it's almost every day. When you add in dd14 being injured and going crazy at home, I feel so overwhelmed. I do everything I can for them to support them, to encourage them to tell me what has happened and to problem solve. My AIBU is about how I feel. I carry their distress with me, I feel it all the time. Basically, I feel like I want to cry a lot of the time. Is this what other parents experience when their kids are going through a rough time, especially it's all at once?

@Tal45

Is dd 13 in the process of being diagnosed? It sounds like she's ticking some boxes for ASD there - issues around food are very common, people with anorexia for example are more likely to be autistic than not. The emotional and friendship difficulties would be typical as would high anxiety. Just a thought if you don't already have a diagnosis in mind.

I have her on a waiting list to see a private clinical psychologist. Not sure if they can diagnose? But that was more for support. Ive always been a bit wary of diagnosis because I don't want her to see herself differently or as 'having problems'... I don't know. I've always been in two minds. I went to the dr once about eating issues but they referred me to a nutritionist and I don't want meal times to be all about her. Instead, we do lots of cooking and baking as a family and I am hoping that is helping a bit.

@PinkiOcelot

Who the hell clicked YABU?!

Anyway OP, I know exactly what you mean. When my dds are upset, then I am upset. You just want what is best for them and even now, I get upset that DD1 has no friends really. I think why, why her when the others who bullied her have loads of friends.
Would changing the tutor group be an option? I did this for DD1 and she was much happier away from the cliques. Definitely speak to the school.

Just try to think that your son being laid up as being temporary and he’ll soon be back doing what he loves. Yes it may happen again because of his stature, but you’ll cross that bridge.

I often find myself tearing up and crying when my dds are up, so you’re not alone x

Thank-you, its really helps to hear others are in my position, and feel like I do. I have had depression in the past and it takes me back to that place a bit, like I just can't cope with the feelings. I really really wish they would just put her and her sister in the tutor groups where their friends are. Surely it shouldn't be so hard? But apparently there are rules. I thought schools were so big on mental health, and caring for our young people, but they won't do this simple thing.

@Tal45

Is dd 13 in the process of being diagnosed? It sounds like she's ticking some boxes for ASD there - issues around food are very common, people with anorexia for example are more likely to be autistic than not. The emotional and friendship difficulties would be typical as would high anxiety. Just a thought if you don't already have a diagnosis in mind.

Just to add, I worked in psychology prior to being a SAHM and obviously I have tracked dd13 symptoms all this time and suffered with them along with her and feel almost certain she is somewhere on the spectrum. It runs in the family also but all undiagnosed.

@TheBossOfMe

IME people who understand how to switch between transactional and emotional engagements well tend to be more likely to flourish in the workplace and build rewarding careers. It's a key skill to build. The younger people learn it the better - plus it helps with that rhino hide, which we all need sometimes.

the only problem is she can't really build a transactional relationship with people who actively ignore her/are mean to her.

Dd11 brushes over it a bit and changes the subject because she doesn't want to worry me too much, which is just like her

I was sobbing and crying on Monday and he came out of a meeting to talk to me.

Is it possible the dc can you hear you cry? They will learn and grow through their experiences at school, but if they're also having to worry about the impact on their mother then that's not fair to them.

@phishy

Dd11 brushes over it a bit and changes the subject because she doesn't want to worry me too much, which is just like her

I was sobbing and crying on Monday and he came out of a meeting to talk to me.

Is it possible the dc can you hear you cry? They will learn and grow through their experiences at school, but if they're also having to worry about the impact on their mother then that's not fair to them.

no, they have never heard me cry about anything to do with them.