Not an AIBU just wanted to share and see if anyone else has a similar growing a backbone journey. Long story short: my inlaws are narcissistic not very nice people under the guise of being wonderful and they think they’re great but the truth is they couldn’t care less about anyone but themselves. After many years of trying to still put the effort into the relationship after many selfish acts on their part over Christmas I decided enough was enough, i was done trying and from then on only put the effort into it I needed to for the sake of my marriage. You can’t have a healthy relationship with narcissists and I was the only one getting stressed and offended and upset. Enough.
Fast forward to today and MIL, who is currently extension and kitchen obsessed (so much so she couldn’t be arsed to buy my children (her grandchildren) a Christmas present - said she was too busy this year (she’s a young fit healthy retired 60 year old who goes to the gym daily). She asked to pop in to come and talk to me about kitchens (we did ours about 5 years ago and they’re using the same company) and to be honest, it just didn’t suit. I have an 11 month old and I’ve just gone back to work last week and i want to spend the day with her and im out at a swimming lesson with her for an hour or so in the middle of the day and I also don’t need my MIL shrieking up the hallway as usual when she’s napping and waking her up. I want the day to myself after two full on 12 hour shifts as a nurse and I want the day with just my baby and me til I pick older DD up from school later.
Usually I’d be stressing and would say yes even though I don’t want to see her and be annoyed that she’s ruined my day and not be able to say no to her as I think it’s still a good idea to put the effort in even though she doesn’t care about anyone but herself (has literally never text me to ask to come and see her grandchildren, my two DDs - they live round the corner). She only texts if she wants something.
So instead I said, “sorry, I’m in and out all day but did you want to pop round tonight? DH has more kitchen knowledge anyway!”.
Feels so good to have finally grown a backbone and I’m not even stressing that I’ve said no!! Go me!!! Usually I’d be on here saying oh no, what shall I do?! Then say yes to her. End of. No more. Leaf turned. Back bone grown. Not people pleasing them anymore.
Anyone else managed to do this?! Feels so good.