Is it unreasonable to have a phone call with ex?

[WildflowerWildfire]

I’ve been in a new relationship for about 9 months. I would never cheat, and I have no interest in reigniting anything from the past. However, my last relationship was a complete shit show and I’ve been left with a lot of emotional scars. I wanted to have one last phone call to clear some thoughts, and some things that have been playing on my mind for months. The phone call didn’t involve any flirting, there are no feelings there on my part. I have BPD and I just wanted some closure.

Have I been awful in doing this without my boyfriend’s knowledge? He’s very protective and I know he’s be angry if he knew.

Tbh the fact you are worried about his reaction is a worry. It really isn't his business who you talk to.

It’s not his business but I still feel like I’m somehow cheating, even though it’s really not like that.

I have BPD and I get why you have done this and why you have kept it a secret. However, from experience I would pick the time and talk to your BF about your call. No secrets, he will find out guaranteed.
Did you feel your call gave you the brain peace you needed?
Sometimes you just need time to process things and come to terms with past traumas. I constantly wanted to go back and forth to my ex H and ask why this and that and explain how I felt and process things before I could let go. My now DH would get so frustrated because I would go downhill mentally and physically after seeing/speaking to my ex that he did approach my ex and asked him to cease contact with me.
From experience let go now and I hope you feel so much better xxx

I wouldn’t like it if my boyfriend was calling his ex to discuss their failed relationship, to ‘clear their thoughts’, no. If you’re giving that much headspace to an ex, I wouldn’t say you’re in the right place to be in a new baby relationship imo.
That being said, I don’t like the sound of your current boyfriend being described as protective as it nearly always means controlling… and him being angry as opposed to upset or concerned just reinforces that. I’d certainly questioning whether current boyfriend is actually the one for me tbh.

Not sure how ‘baby’ appeared in the middle of one of my sentences, ignore that!

It wouldn't occur to me that I should have to tell my new boy friend, why would you? If you have resolved what you wanted to and that's the end of it why make a big deal of it?

Are you sure that you're ready to be in a relationship? If my boyfriend phoned his ex after 9 month just to clear some thoughts i wouldn't be happy about and would probably leave.