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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Just so fed up, need advice, support or perspective or something....

6 replies

Whatisthepointinthis · 18/01/2022 17:57

Where to start...

So teen dc (mid teens and hugely naive and immature but also hugely stubborn and strong-willed) has posted something extremely inappropriate on social media. Obviously this could have spread like wildfire by now.

I only found out when I was informed by a friend. Said friend was very brief and factual. Not sure if judgemental or due to embarrassment but tone was clippy.

I messaged friend to say thanks for letting me know and to say I’d deal with dc later. Have not had a reply, so feeling embarrassed, stressed and awkward, despite not having done anything wrong.

Because I am a naturally shy person and don’t court attention I am really struggling with this and facing people who may have seen this. Dc is followed by a few of my friends and their dc’s.

We have discussed the reasons why this happened which boils down to low self esteem and trying to make themselves feel better. I have spelled out the possible ramifications of the post in explicit detail and who may have seen it.

It appears dc has been egged on by friends to make the post, which was an inappropriate photo.

Dc and I (and dh) have discussed and agreed consequences and actions.

I am left feeling shaky and extremely stressed. I have to face some of the adults and kids who will have seen it later and feel sick about it.

We are a normal family and I feel that our parenting will be judged and that people will be laughing behind my back. I’m a naturally anxious person and have worked so hard over the years to make myself be social and chatty in group settings and with fellow parents and have been doing well but I feel that this will set me back.

I am shocked at how naive dc has been despite us regularly discussing this sort of thing and potential repercussions.

Any advice welcome....

OP posts:
LovelyBitOfSquirrelInTheWirral · 18/01/2022 18:06

I can understand you have been left feeling very stressed by this, I would be too. But I think you’ve got to remember that DC is mid teens and has made a mistake. We’ve all made mistakes of one kind or another when we were young and hopefully we have all learned from them like your DC will.
I think you’ve got to put it into perspective. You will all feel shell shocked by this for a while and there will be a feeling of being judged but time will pass and you will all move on from this. Don’t let it take over your lives.

AliveAndSleeping · 18/01/2022 18:07

My dc are still under 5 so I have no experience of this (yet!!) bit if I saw an inappropriate post by a teenager I wouldn't judge the parents. Kids don't have the best of judgment, are impulsive and easily influenced by their friends. These things happen fairly easily and I assume fairly frequently. Please don't blame yourself. It doesn't reflect on your parenting. You have spoken to DD, explained why it was inappropriate and hopefully she has learnt her lesson. And I assume she's taken the post down now. I'm not sure if there's anything else you can do (or should do) though it might depend on the nature of the photo.

Maybe your friend sounded clippy because they didn't want to sound as if they are making a big deal out of it?

Anyway hold your head high when you meet the other parents. It will blow over. I think most parents dread social media (for their kids) and no one can be confident that their kids won't do anything silly on it.

Thisisinmyhead · 18/01/2022 18:13

Your child has admitted a lapse of judgment and given reasons, accepted consequences and actions.

Take the win! Screw what anyone else thinks nobody’s DC are perfect. Be kind to yourself x

Whatisthepointinthis · 18/01/2022 21:13

Thanks all for the much needed perspective!

Feeling much better after a chat and communicating with dc.

And facing the others went ok too!

OP posts:
Moonface123 · 18/01/2022 21:24

I am a parent of two teenagers and l definately woudn't judge you harshly, we all know how impulsive and reactive teenagers can be, it is no reflection on you and will serve as a learning curve re your DC. I would try and focus on your DC 's positive achievements instead.

Oodlesofdoodlescockapoodles · 18/01/2022 21:27

I don't have teenagers yet, but if I saw this on my Facebook I would probably think teen had done something daft and then never think about it again. Definitely no judging of you, your parenting or your teen. Teenagers do stuff! You've handled it. Sounds like you did well Smile

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