Other people babying my 2 year old!

[toddlerdanger]

My MIL and mother keep babying my 2 year old !

Has anyone else found this ? My DD likes to climb on chairs etc and they're always completely freaking out. I know she's OK and I'm always near by. I don't actually let her do anything dangerous, but I do think it's normal she wants to explore and climb. She's started being able to climb into her high chair. She does it very well. My MIL completely freaking out.

Also the stairs, I think she can start trying to learn to walk down the stairs, with me holding her hand or perhaps she can crawl down backwards ( again, supervised ! ). I let her walk up and stay behind her in case she falls etc. But she's fine.

I also want her to start climbing in and out of her car seat. She's a very agile little girl. She barely ever falls over. I'm heavily pregnant and need her to be a little more independent. As far as I can see, other children her age do this stuff and more.

My mum still wants to spoon feed her and shakes her head that I don't do this and let her eat by herself. She literally can watch her eat because she ' makes a mess '. It's very annoying. I just feel like we need to encourage her and not baby her so much.

Anyone else's mum and in laws been like this ? Mum is always making me feel like I get everything wrong too. The other night I was on the phone to her and my DH took DD to bed and my mum said, aren't you going to check she's ok ? You're just going to not go in after he's put her to bed ? Also she always asks me, do you sleep with all your doors open ? What if she cries and you don't hear her? Etc etc. It's so annoying! We do sleep with all the doors open FYI and I always hear her and comfort her when she's sad.

Mine were and it drove me crazy.... however now mine are older and o see two year olds and my instinct is like your mil/DM! I've become tust annoying person! Think that a) you forget what they're capable of and b)they really do seem like babies when you have older ones!

Try not to let it stress you out and keep doing what you're doing anyway, sounds like you're raising a real independent little girl.

@Alittlenonsensenowandthen

Mine were and it drove me crazy.... however now mine are older and o see two year olds and my instinct is like your mil/DM! I've become tust annoying person! Think that a) you forget what they're capable of and b)they really do seem like babies when you have older ones!

This

@Alittlenonsensenowandthen

Mine were and it drove me crazy.... however now mine are older and o see two year olds and my instinct is like your mil/DM! I've become tust annoying person! Think that a) you forget what they're capable of and b)they really do seem like babies when you have older ones!

I can understand that, definitely.

Before I had kids, I was also always freaking out with my nephews, but I tried not to show it and trusted that their parents knew what they were doing.

I suppose we know our toddlers best, as we are always with them. So we know what they're capable of. Coming from the outside, people don't know.

I had this argument around milk and bottles - DS has had water with meals since he started having more than a taste of food, and has milk in a cup at bedtime (and in mornings of awake early). DM was horrified that there were no more bottles and tries to stuff him full of milk whenever she can, so then he’s not as hungry for meals…

No advice other than smile, nod, move on…

@MelonTits

I had this argument around milk and bottles - DS has had water with meals since he started having more than a taste of food, and has milk in a cup at bedtime (and in mornings of awake early). DM was horrified that there were no more bottles and tries to stuff him full of milk whenever she can, so then he’s not as hungry for meals…

No advice other than smile, nod, move on…

Ah that's really good that he doesn't have that much milk!

Mine still has two big bottles a day and doesn't care too much for food. It's becoming an issue and I need to change things.

Funnily enough, MIL and FIL are always banging on about how she needs her milk and I should only stop giving it to her when she stops wanting it... I think their kids had milk for a very very long time.

I need to cut this out with my DD. She loves it so much, she probably drinks around 500 ml a day. Of course she's not that hungry for food !

Yes, my son is now 22 months so nearly 2 but I've been encouraging him to be independent for a good while. He's confident on the stairs, has fed himself since 10 months old and drinks from an open cup(oh no the horror!)
family members make comments but I'm going with what feels right. Messes can be cleaned up. Skills need to be learnt. If you baby them, they will never learn.

I would say you are babying her too!

She's 2 and you are only considering letting her learn how to go down stairs? What does she do at the park with climbing frames etc? Surely she can use stairs and even ladders at 2. I think mine learnt how to crawl backwards downstairs before he could walk, it's much safer to teach them how to do it correctly at an early age.

Also bottles at 2! Milk is fine but why is she using a bottle?!

I think that it’s very different when your child injures themselves in your care compared to somebody else’s child being hurt whilst you are responsible for them.

Unless your mum is doing a large percentage of childcare for dd, I don't think it matters that she is a bit "babied" on the odd visit.
I think you'll be grateful of two doting grandmothers when you're baby arrives, so pick your battles!

There's room for compromise with some of the things you've listed. I don't think it's great to encourage climbing on chairs and furniture, how about no climbing on furniture rule at granny's? She's old enough to understand some rules and preschool or nursery won't allow climbing on chairs.

Teaching her to go backwards downstairs (on hands and knees) is an excellent skill. Encouraging her to walk down is less safe because she'll attempt that on her own.

I suppose just remember both grandmothers mean well. Some of their advice might be useful, some just feels interfering and out dated. Every generation thinks they've reinvented parenting! Try not to take it as personal criticism of your skills as a mum.

And good luck with your new arrival

@JustWonderingIfYou

I would say you are babying her too!

She's 2 and you are only considering letting her learn how to go down stairs? What does she do at the park with climbing frames etc? Surely she can use stairs and even ladders at 2. I think mine learnt how to crawl backwards downstairs before he could walk, it's much safer to teach them how to do it correctly at an early age.

Also bottles at 2! Milk is fine but why is she using a bottle?!

I think that's entirely possible, I think we all have different standards for ' babying '. To my in laws and mum, I'm crazy out there.

She's good at the park and climbing up and down stuff there. It's just the stairs in our house are steep ( we only just moved ), so I sometimes carry her down. But not always. But she doesn't know how to go down backwards. I take her hand and we walk down together. We also still have stair gates.

Personally all that needs cutting down is the amount of time you spend with these people!! They will have as much to say as you have availability to listen.
Be less available..

Both of my boys were very physical very early and extremely capable. It annoyed/annoys me no end when people pre empt accidents I know are not going to happen due to their skill level and it makes it seem like I am some sort of feckless parent who doesn’t anticipate or care, when in reality I am very safety conscious but these were issues from several months ago!

It sounds like you are experiencing similar and YANBU (unless we are both unreasonable together 😆)

@JustWonderingIfYou

I would say you are babying her too!

She's 2 and you are only considering letting her learn how to go down stairs? What does she do at the park with climbing frames etc? Surely she can use stairs and even ladders at 2. I think mine learnt how to crawl backwards downstairs before he could walk, it's much safer to teach them how to do it correctly at an early age.

Also bottles at 2! Milk is fine but why is she using a bottle?!

Yikes. Mines 19m and only just started going up the stairs but with me basically doing all the work. And I'm constantly in fear of him climbing on or under things because he has no sense of danger.

My in laws tell me 'when you're a grandparent it's soooooo much worse (anxiety wise) than being a parent' and I'm just like please trust that we know what we're doing! Also it's hardly that I'm not anxious

I've used the ASQ documents to see what DD 'should' be able to do and also to show the grandparents, obviously they aren't absolutely concrete but it's what the HV use so it's a good basis. Stairs are on the 20 month one I think. I can't find a good link quickly but I know I've googled them and got the pdfs easily enough in the past

As an aside, I wouldn't expect my 2.5 year old to climb into her car seat, I get why you'd want to but I think I was happier hoofing her in and out of it while pregnant with her sister rather than picking her up when it went wrong. But she hasn't had a high chair since she was about 18 months either.

We taught DDs to go down stairs on their bum from quite young. (Tbh they worked it out as part of crawling)

I'd be worried about a highchair due to risk of pulling it over, but you can make it as stable as possible.

She has one of those bloom chairs, that's for different stages, if that makes sense ? So she's not in a baby high chair anymore. It's extremely stable and on the same level as a normal chair and doesn't have a tray in it anymore. It's really cool actually, highly recommend it.

I know DD isn't super advanced, lots of kids her age can do way more stuff. But I'm trying to get her to be more independent and it's being met with shock horror looks. I just have to ignore it and remind them that she's growing up !

It sounds like you have a sensible approach that works for you, so try and ignore her if you can! The only thing to bare in mind is that (I think I’ve read somewhere) bedroom doors should be closed to prevent spread of fire incase there’s a fire so may be safer to have a baby monitor on and doors closed? But again- I’m sure you’ve decided what works best for you! Best of luck for the next baby!

Yeah my 20 month just walks up and down stairs now. I tried teaching backwards on hands and knees but he just wants to walk like we do. He’s so fast now and I’m confident he’s pretty good on them. We still tell him to wait and go up and down with him. Don’t have stair gates anymore as he just climbs over them

I’m not sure about how that highchair works, but I assume you mean it’s got no bar anymore and your just using as a toddler chair? So she can safely get in and out. That’s fine and a good thing. Like you say, you can’t lift in easily heavily pregnant or new baby.

We have the stokke Tripp trap which fits similar, use now with no harness/ bar so can easily climb up without tripping on bar

DC1 was just over 2 when DC2 was born and I knew I was having a C-section so I needed him to be able to climb into his car seat as I couldn’t pick him up. Stairs as well he could definitely navigate by 2. We moved him to a bed so I didn’t have to lift into cot and he climbed up to his seat at the table by himself. We always slept with their bedrooms doors closed when they were smaller and always woke up if they cried. Our rooms were right next to each other though. You’re going to have your hands full (literally) with a newborn so it’s helpful logistically if your toddler can do some things for themselves.

I do agree though that once your kids are older you do forget what they are capable of as toddlers seem so little! Also most people are way more anxious over other peoples children getting hurt, especially grandparents.

I completely understand this. My DS is only 10 months, but MIL panics so ostentatiously when he eats non-puréed food, crawls within a 1.5m radius of a hard object or pulls to stand on a (god forbid!) carpet that I’m worried she’ll undermine his confidence. (I’m probably being very PFB. It probably annoys me more than it has any effect on DS. And before I get called ungrateful, I genuinely think she’d be too nervous to even babysit for an hour. She’s a nice woman in general, and usually not a worrier. For context, I have an anxiety disorder.)