To move…

[Mum233]

I’m being indecisive!
A long story sorry…
Before DC, DH and I moved areas a lot as we couldn’t find anywhere that felt like home and as we were renting and didn’t have DC it was fine. Always within an hour commute of work so not far away. Then I got pregnant with DC1 at a time when we lived near my Dad. It was great but when it came time to looking at nurseries we decided to make another move so that we could settle and DC could go to nursery (at the school)and then school with the same friends. We found a rented property in the village where my PIL live. We have been in the same house for four years and love it here.
However, we are now over an hour away from my dad and I keep having thoughts about regretting not living closer to him and something happening to him and regretting it forever.

We are happy where we live BUT it’s a very expensive area, and we are unable to save to buy a house as we spend a fortune in rent.

If you have been in this situation what did you do?

YANBU Move near my dad so DC can see him more and finally be able to start saving for a house as rent is cheaper.

YABU Stay where we are as we love it and DC are happy with friends here etc.

X

Wow that was long. Thank you if you got to the end!
Also so I don’t drip feed …DH is not close to his parents

do you drive?

It is just that an hour doesn't seem like a huge drive to visit your dad.

Are you more concerned about being able to care for him on a daily basis if he needs it?

I wonder if you are anticipating something that may never happen? And also what timescale are you thinking?
Are you trying to get your dc into one school and then never move? I woudln't worry about that, moving schools is part of life and it isn't the end of the world, as long as it isn't often.

I think issue fo saving for a house would probably swing it for me, better long term prospects.

I'd be thinking longer term and I'd want my own house. If I couldn't afford to do that where I was living, I'd move. The children will adjust. If I were going to move, I'd move somewhere I got most benefit and for me that would be near my parents.

But I'm just saying what you're thinking, aren't I?

And for me an hours drive is too far to be going backwards and forwards to my father's. That's a long distance. I'd want to be closer to enjoy my time with him and not always watching the clock

I'm a borderline yanbu. If you feel like moving back, then just move back!

It's not a problem to move a primary school aged child at all, so I'd not worry about that.

It is perfectly reasonable to relocate to be able to afford to buy a nice house instead of renting.

But you left your dad's area for good reasons - arent some of those reasons still valid? What actually drove you to move in the first place (surely not just about finding nurseries attached to primary schools - that's an unusual reason to move. There are lots of private nurseries that offer the free childcare hours and many children successfully start Primary school not knowing other kids.)

Also I've some questions:
How does your DP feel about moving again?

You've invested 4 years near PIL and your DH still isnt close to them. But what about your DC, do they have a strong relationship with your PIL? Would PIL be sad if you moved away, and even if you aren't close to them, are they likely to rely on you in future old age for help? What is the likely timeline on that, would they be willing to relocate closer to you in their old age, and/or would you or DP feel guilty if you were too far away to support them? In the meantime will they visit you, or you visit them, so you don't lose touch?

Also regarding your dad - has he expressed that he wants you nearby? What is his support network like right now?

And what happens to your commuting times if you relocate again?

Ime dc being able to get to activities /friends /parks etc on foot is relevant.. Where would that happen?

DH had a massive falling out with his family a few years ago and they don’t want to see us or DC so that’s not an issue.
My dad is remarried but his dad had free access to our houses and was a massive part of us growing up. My dad wants this with my DC.
An hour isn’t too far but it means that it’s always a day out. I’d like to be able to pop round for a cup of tea and see my dad. That sort of thing.
We moved here because we’d previously lived here when we first met and loved it. We love it now but we are being crippled by rent.
I’m looking for a new job as my temporary one is due to end. Which is why I’m thinking that it might be the right time to find a job nearer my dad and make the move
X

I was in a very very similar situation.....we didn't move. My dad has now passed. I have always regretted it. I really felt a bit coerced into not moving.....and its a decision I have always found hard to live with.

I would move to where I can buy a house.

Well if you're not tied to current area due to family then I'd move near your dad and buy a house.

Make the move you won’t regret it.